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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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Reached Out To Their Dad

Feb 14th 2013 new

Our divorce decree stated that visitation was simply 24 hrs notice & agreement by custodial parent (me)...no set schedule. After a 1 1/2 years of dad only seeing the kids about every 4-5 weeks for 24 hrs (with the kids requesting this visit 90% of the time, not him), I reached out to him & told him we needed to set up some sort of set schedule. The kids need him. He has agreed...said all the right things regarding my concerns. Just need some prayers now that it doesn't all backfire in my face & he ends up disappointing the kids. But even if it does, I guess the kids deserve to know what kind of dad he is. But I'm going to stay positive...he will do the right thing!

Feb 14th 2013 new
Perhaps the kids knowing there are set times with an understanding things can come up from time to time will help. Maybe even starting with every other week will help manage expectations because you are the one left to deal with your kids disappointment. It partly depends on the age of the kids. They need both of you for different reasons. Hope this works out well for everyone.
Feb 18th 2013 new

How old are the children?

Feb 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Laura-824866 said: Our divorce decree stated that visitation was simply 24 hrs notice & agreement by custodial p...
(Quote) Laura-824866 said:

Our divorce decree stated that visitation was simply 24 hrs notice & agreement by custodial parent (me)...no set schedule. After a 1 1/2 years of dad only seeing the kids about every 4-5 weeks for 24 hrs (with the kids requesting this visit 90% of the time, not him), I reached out to him & told him we needed to set up some sort of set schedule. The kids need him. He has agreed...said all the right things regarding my concerns. Just need some prayers now that it doesn't all backfire in my face & he ends up disappointing the kids. But even if it does, I guess the kids deserve to know what kind of dad he is. But I'm going to stay positive...he will do the right thing!

--hide--
I know how you feel. It is very hard on you and your kids. All you can do is pray and let God take control. He will either step up and be the father he should be or he won't. Either way, that is is not your fault and out of your control. Your kids will realize that whatever happens, you are not to blame for him. I sincerely pray that he will be the best father to them that he can be. God bless you.

Feb 18th 2013 new

Laura,

I hear ya! My husband vanished one day - nothing - and after his reappearance sometime later all the court stuff eventually was set up. He basically didn't have contact with our 3 sons for almost a year, as he was too busy. He lives less than 5 miles away in the next town. It hurts my heart when I saw their sense of abandonment and anger. I can't make him do something, despite rationalizing with him, swallowing my hurt, etc. Take heart, and it does get better through the years. He at least has regular contact with my youngest (the one that looks like him....) and occasional with the oldest, and my middle still refuses to have contact. Divorce is horrible. I tried not to do anything that would upset him, as I kept thinking it would give him another excuse not to have contact with our sons. He pretty much does what he wants - and the boys know this. They look to me for guidance and they bring their girlfriends home to me, and have a very superficial relationship with thier dad. I feel badly for him and all that he has missed out on, but it took years to get there. They were raised Catholic and those values are deep seated, so when he doesn't fall within those formed foundations, well - the boys have become their own young men and persons. Hopefully, the experiences your kids are having will shape them strongly & they can eventually have him more in their lives. I think some men know they are not whole and stay away as a form of protection to the kids - do you think that may be the case? Praying Praying Praying Praying Praying Praying Praying Praying theheart

Feb 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Laura-824866 said: Our divorce decree stated that visitation was simply 24 hrs notice & agreement by custodial p...
(Quote) Laura-824866 said:

Our divorce decree stated that visitation was simply 24 hrs notice & agreement by custodial parent (me)...no set schedule. After a 1 1/2 years of dad only seeing the kids about every 4-5 weeks for 24 hrs (with the kids requesting this visit 90% of the time, not him), I reached out to him & told him we needed to set up some sort of set schedule. The kids need him. He has agreed...said all the right things regarding my concerns. Just need some prayers now that it doesn't all backfire in my face & he ends up disappointing the kids. But even if it does, I guess the kids deserve to know what kind of dad he is. But I'm going to stay positive...he will do the right thing!

--hide--


You did the right thing. Just keep your side of the street clean. You can't control what he does, but you can continue to encourage him to take steps to see them. I'll pray for all of you and this situation.

Feb 19th 2013 new

Praying rosary hug Praying that your children will feel and know love from all sides of their family.

Feb 20th 2013 new

(Quote) Laura-824866 said: Our divorce decree stated that visitation was simply 24 hrs notice & agreement by custodial p...
(Quote) Laura-824866 said:

Our divorce decree stated that visitation was simply 24 hrs notice & agreement by custodial parent (me)...no set schedule. After a 1 1/2 years of dad only seeing the kids about every 4-5 weeks for 24 hrs (with the kids requesting this visit 90% of the time, not him), I reached out to him & told him we needed to set up some sort of set schedule. The kids need him. He has agreed...said all the right things regarding my concerns. Just need some prayers now that it doesn't all backfire in my face & he ends up disappointing the kids. But even if it does, I guess the kids deserve to know what kind of dad he is. But I'm going to stay positive...he will do the right thing!

--hide--
Hi Laura, I am assuming that there was a reason why he only received 24 hours of visitation at the time of the divorce, are your children going to see him more than 24 hours at a time ie. a weekend? You might want to make sure that it is legal for him to see them more based what is in the divorce and the reason for not having more time with them or shared parenting. Only speaking from experience, because this was mentioned to me in my own situation. I hope that it works out for you and your children, it can be quite painful as you know, especially with the unknown, but you seem strong.

Feb 21st 2013 new

I apologize if I misread your initial post, I am not sure if the divorce decree says that he only can see them for 24 hours if he only takes them for 24 hours.

Feb 21st 2013 new

oh geez....OR if he only takes them for 24 hours

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