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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
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Saber Rattling

Feb 17th 2013 new

Prayers needed. Ex is saber-rattling. He wanted everything, got everything, and it seems, after a couple of years trying to manage a large household, is finding it too difficult. He wants me to take the kids more (I would love to) but won't help with child support (in fact, wants me to pay him - I work part time while he has a thriving career - makes sense). I wonder, if parenting and child support can be adjusted, I might finally be able to leave this partial exile from my children and actually live with them again.

But then, I've already seen a lot of injustice. The pure cost of a post-decree motion could destroy his finances, and what little I have, will be gone. I hate the court system.

I'm trying to engage him in some kind of discussion to address his grievances, but he won't respond to a phone massage or email. The threatened me with court on Friday when I picked up the kids and I had a severe panic attack Friday night and beginning of Saturday - couldn't sleep because I kept dreaming about different scenarios. I think, at this point, I've given up - God will do what He will do.

Feb 17th 2013 new

There's a CM gentleman her, David from Cleveland, who is an attorney. He's a good man and he might have something to say. I offered to pay him something, but he told me to "pay it forward," which I generally do.

I am sorry to hear this news. It does rack one's nerves.

Feb 17th 2013 new
(Quote) Alice-788574 said: Prayers needed. Ex is saber-rattling. He wanted everything, got everything, and it seems, after a couple of yea...
(Quote) Alice-788574 said:

Prayers needed. Ex is saber-rattling. He wanted everything, got everything, and it seems, after a couple of years trying to manage a large household, is finding it too difficult. He wants me to take the kids more (I would love to) but won't help with child support (in fact, wants me to pay him - I work part time while he has a thriving career - makes sense). I wonder, if parenting and child support can be adjusted, I might finally be able to leave this partial exile from my children and actually live with them again.



But then, I've already seen a lot of injustice. The pure cost of a post-decree motion could destroy his finances, and what little I have, will be gone. I hate the court system.



I'm trying to engage him in some kind of discussion to address his grievances, but he won't respond to a phone massage or email. The threatened me with court on Friday when I picked up the kids and I had a severe panic attack Friday night and beginning of Saturday - couldn't sleep because I kept dreaming about different scenarios. I think, at this point, I've given up - God will do what He will do.

--hide--
you have my prayers.
Feb 17th 2013 new

Alice,
The laws differ from state to state a bit. Sometimes the saber rattling is the best control that can still be exerted. I found that the more calm on the outside I was to my ex when he tried, the more frustrated he became, but quickly backed down. There is in Illinois the option of mediation if he in fact wants to revise the agreement. It can be less expensive then going back to court. In Illinois there also requires a 2 year waiting period to modify a decree -- unless certain criteria is met. Lawyering is, unfortunately a business, and sometimes dragging along in court is a passive-aggressive way to saber rattle. The uncertainty is stressful, mostly on you, but the kids also get it. In Illinois, there are statutory percentages that have to be paid, and can be automatically deducted from paychecks, so he can support you and the kids. Perhaps there is a Legal Aid that can provide some assistance too?

Peace to you on this challenge.

Feb 17th 2013 new

Once last thought that got me through many frustrating days (and still) is the Serenity Prayer.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference.

Your ex will not change, but the way YOU interact with him can.

Feb 17th 2013 new
Thanks to all for your thoughts. MN requires a mediation attempt first, and then 2 years between parenting changes unless mutually agreed or documented neglect/abuse. For us, not until June. Forgot about that. This could bring about some positive change. I just need to manage my anxiety. And yes, the Serenity Prayer is at the top of my list. I'm off CM for Lent, except Sundays. Have a great week!
Feb 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Alice-788574 said: Thanks to all for your thoughts. MN requires a mediation attempt first, and then 2 years between parenti...
(Quote) Alice-788574 said: Thanks to all for your thoughts. MN requires a mediation attempt first, and then 2 years between parenting changes unless mutually agreed or documented neglect/abuse. For us, not until June. Forgot about that. This could bring about some positive change. I just need to manage my anxiety. And yes, the Serenity Prayer is at the top of my list. I'm off CM for Lent, except Sundays. Have a great week!
--hide--


mediation is good. if the court offers it then you don't have to pay the mediator's fees. Just sit tight. His position is untenable. Things will work out. If you go to mediation, be reasonable and calm. The mediator will size things up very quickly.

Feb 20th 2013 new

Praying PrayingFor you and your children.

Feb 20th 2013 new

(Quote) Alice-788574 said: Thanks to all for your thoughts. MN requires a mediation attempt first, and then 2 years between parenti...
(Quote) Alice-788574 said: Thanks to all for your thoughts. MN requires a mediation attempt first, and then 2 years between parenting changes unless mutually agreed or documented neglect/abuse. For us, not until June. Forgot about that. This could bring about some positive change. I just need to manage my anxiety. And yes, the Serenity Prayer is at the top of my list. I'm off CM for Lent, except Sundays. Have a great week!
--hide--

My prayers for you too Alice... Praying Praying Praying

Jesus want's us to rest in His arms knowing that He's got every detail under control... (I know... easier said than done!) Adoration helps me the most when I feel things spinning out of control. I often write it all out to Him, or sometimes manage to just sit quietly and try to soak Him in. Even if I still feel lousy after I leave, I always find myself more focused & able to tackle what comes next with greater resolve... rose rose rose

His Peace... theheart

Feb 20th 2013 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: be reasonable and calm. The mediator will size things up very quickly.
(Quote) David-364112 said:


be reasonable and calm. The mediator will size things up very quickly.

--hide--
Alice, I just wanted to second what David said. If/when you go to mediation, make sure you are in control of your emotions and remain calm, (even if inside you are screaming). Don't interrupt your ex to defend yourself, you will have time to speak. Like David said, the mediators are good at assessing what is really going on. You are in my prayers for sure hug

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