What is the secret to a lifelong marriage?
I was reading the book Saving Your Second Marriage Before It starts by Les Parrot and Leslie Parrot. Interesting book. I found something to share with you and I hope you will like it.
Looking forward for your input.
The book says:
If you and your partner are ready for marriage your relationship will be characterized by longevity, stability, and similarity.
Longevity has to do with how long you have known each other.... Research on mate selection makes it clear: Couples who rush into matrimony are at significant risk... The longer you date, the more ready you are for marriage.... There is no need to rush. Give yourselves time, and you will increase your chances of sharing a married love that will go distance.
Stability is defined as the quality of having constancy, reliability, dependability, and steadfastness. If these terms characterize your relationship, that's a good sign...
Stability in the dating years indicates that a couple is learning to practice negotiation and compromise. They are learning the fine art and skill of communication. In short, stable couples are proving to themselves in the dating years that they can navigate the turbulent and treacherous waters that are an inevitable part of sailing a second marriage vessel. These couples are resolving conflicts and keeping an even keel. They are charting a steady course that is bound to bring them happiness.
Similarity is not about feeling and doing everything in exactly the same way. That's uniformity. Similarity is more like unity than uniformity. Why is similarity important to your marriage? Because the happiest married couple have a lot in common. You may disagree, but it's a fact.
Similarities especially on the issues that matter most each person are the superglue that holds them together. The more similarities two people share, the more likely their relationship will survive and thrive. It's that simple. After a careful review of many, many marital studies, researches concluded that similarity is associated with marital success and is less associated with marital instability and divorce?
If a happy and committed couple has a lot in common, you may be wondering just what exactly these commonalities are. Role expectations for husband and wife certainly make the list. So do common values about spiritual matters, money, family, and even politics. Other similarities to consider are desire for children, energy level, dependability, sense of humor, cleanliness, goals, interests, habits, and skills, The list is practically endless.
Well, does this emphasis on unity mean you shouldn't marry someone who is very different from you? Not necessary. But having plenty of important similarities can outweigh and counteract your dissimilarities. Economic, racial, religious, political, intellectual, educational, and emotional similarities provide a common base of operation and make life significantly easier to negotiate together. Why? Because every difference requires time, energy, and work to find a middle ground, if there is one. The more differences between you, the more nooks and crannies you will discover in your relationship for resentment and frustration to take hold. And the more stressful your second marriage becomes.
So as you consider your relational readiness for remarriage, take time to examine your longevity, your stability, and your differences. The time you spend on this today may save you a lot of pain in the future. And you'll find more fulfillment in the present as you discover both your personal and relational readiness for lifelong in a second marriage...