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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Feb 27th 2013 new
(Quote) John-184825 said: Your internal or external reaction if early on (first date or a little before or after that) the other party say...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Your internal or external reaction if early on (first date or a little before or after that) the other party says, "I don't respond well to criticism."



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My response depends on current and previous conversation, I have been known to be a bit sarcastic, among other things. I suspect my comments, early in a relationship may turn a head or two (and has). Any lady who openly comments on sarcasim, criticism, or the occasional foul language may quickly be sent to the friends corner, particularly if nothing along those lines has been hinted at yet. If I already offended, I do apologize, and eventually suggest we might not be the new hot item around town.
Feb 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: 1. I would assume I had said something offensive (wouldn't be the first time) and would apolo...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

1. I would assume I had said something offensive (wouldn't be the first time) and would apologize.
2. I would suspect the person was very touchy and keep my eyes open for unreasonable sensitivity.
3. If I was feeling really smart alecky I might say, "That's because you've never had any from ME!"

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I think a lot of people would have similar responses to your #1 and #2.

Feb 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Naomi-698107 said: In my head: "You'll respond even less well to threats". &quo...
(Quote) Naomi-698107 said:

In my head:

"You'll respond even less well to threats".

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I offend your delicate sensitivities, your majesty?"

Out of my mouth:

"Ah... what do you mean?"

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Since I worded things with no context, the "Ah... what do you mean?" would be fitting. Hope he doesn't have a fit over that.

Feb 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Dave-146273 said: "well you certainly picked a fine time to tell me"...
(Quote) Dave-146273 said:

"well you certainly picked a fine time to tell me"...

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Those words would be a test. The results might be interesting.

Feb 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Jennifer-491853 said: I wonder if that's a big red flag or a little one. Either way, we should all be open to co...
(Quote) Jennifer-491853 said:

I wonder if that's a big red flag or a little one. Either way, we should all be open to constructive criticism. After all, sometimes someone will see something that we don't. However, criticism, when it is constant and/or belittling can mean abuse and that is a big red flag.

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Your words, we should all be open to constructive criticism, are important because it is hard to imagine how the real communication needed for a relationship can ever even begin in a small way without it.

Feb 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Lea-938919 said: My internal reaction would be asking myself w...
(Quote) Lea-938919 said:


My internal reaction would be asking myself what have I said that he think I'm criticising him? I better ask him and find out. It could be that someone had done that to him previously and just giving a warning, and he may not be referring to me or what I've said.
My external reaction would be that I will politely respond to him in a form of a question and say: "I must have said something wrong, would you care telling me exactly what have I said that offended you?" I think that will make him open up and tell me if it's about someone he dated previously or it's about what I said, and if it's the latter that's the time I'll say "I didn't intend to criticize you in any way, I'm sorry if I offended you". That will probably clear the air and eliminate the negative vibes. If that person is really a practicing Catholic then he will accept my apology and move on to the next conversation. I think it's always better to be polite and be humble...practice humility...it's the number one in The Beatitudes. So it's best to apologize honestly when you offended someone. If they accept your apology it's good, but if not, be calm and pray for them. Having said that, if he/she is really over sensitive and onion-skin-thin, that would be the last I will communicate with that person but I still have to pray for him.

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Thanks for the measured, balanced and detailed reply. Your examples illustrate some good points.

Feb 28th 2013 new

IMHO, no two people can have a successful relationship unless they learn how to communicate.


It takes time, humility and a little work.


Everyone has to do it.

Feb 28th 2013 new
(Quote) John-184825 said: Your internal or external reaction if early on (first date or a little before or after that) the other party say...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Your internal or external reaction if early on (first date or a little before or after that) the other party says, "I don't respond well to criticism."

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Hi John, If that sentence was just thrown out there "I don't respond well to criticism" I would have to respond "who does?" If it was in context with conversation about criticism in general, I would say "do you want to talk about it?" And put on my best psychiatrist face with a patient smile and say "when did this all start. Did your mother have anything to do with it?" As a mother, I realize it all comes down to that! Just saying..... Eileen
Feb 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Maggie-918313 said: IMHO, no two people can have a successful relationship unless they learn how to communicate....
(Quote) Maggie-918313 said:

IMHO, no two people can have a successful relationship unless they learn how to communicate.


It takes time, humility and a little work.


Everyone has to do it.

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Thanks for making a good point. In talking about communication in the context of this topic, you seem to mean that the honest communication needed for a lasting relationship cannot avoid some of the unpleasant kinds such as complaints and criticism. Without that, it too often happens that one of those walking-on-eggshells situations arises.

Feb 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: Hi John, If that sentence was just thrown out there "I don't respond well to criticism" I...
(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: Hi John, If that sentence was just thrown out there "I don't respond well to criticism" I would have to respond "who does?" If it was in context with conversation about criticism in general, I would say "do you want to talk about it?" And put on my best psychiatrist face with a patient smile and say "when did this all start. Did your mother have anything to do with it?" As a mother, I realize it all comes down to that! Just saying..... Eileen
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Hi Eileen,

My question really does call for some questions to clarify it as your approach does. Your method also seems to be a good balance between the two extremes of avoiding or ignoring the question, on the one hand, and, on the other hand, of over-reacting to it.

John

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