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Hi CM friends! I was wondering if those who are currently in a long-term committed relationship, married, or have been married could enlighten me (and other singles) with advice and guidance--sort of like mentoring to us singles? Specifically, if you could give advice, tips, etc. for the singles on CM who have never been in a LT relationship or married and how we can become the woman or man (respectively) that a Godly man or woman (respectively) would want and need? Practically speaking, what is it that you feel is beneficial to know before entering into a serious LT relationship, engagement, or marriage (whichever your particular case may be) AND/OR what is it that you wish someone would have told you when YOU were single and waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right (depending if you are female or male, respectively of course) to come along? Thank you so much! I assure you dozens of singles are eager to hear from you!
03/03/2013 new

(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said: Hi CM friends! I was wondering if those who are currently in a long-term committed relationship, marr...
(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said: Hi CM friends! I was wondering if those who are currently in a long-term committed relationship, married, or have been married could enlighten me (and other singles) with advice and guidance--sort of like mentoring to us singles? Specifically, if you could give advice, tips, etc. for the singles on CM who have never been in a LT relationship or married and how we can become the woman or man (respectively) that a Godly man or woman (respectively) would want and need? Practically speaking, what is it that you feel is beneficial to know before entering into a serious LT relationship, engagement, or marriage (whichever your particular case may be) AND/OR what is it that you wish someone would have told you when YOU were single and waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right (depending if you are female or male, respectively of course) to come along? Thank you so much! I assure you dozens of singles are eager to hear from you!
--hide--
Tiffany -- if you hear from someone who is married, you had better report it to Admin. Married people shouldn't be on this site. An exception involves newlyweds who are usually given a week or two to say their good-byes.

There's no magic formula for success. Just put your best foot forward, be yourself, be open to possibilities, check your attitude, have reasonable expectations, and see different men so you have an idea of what clicks with you. Trial and error. Occasionally, but not usually, you could by chance come upon a "keeper" in short time, but that seems to be an exception. So....expect some disappointments along the way, but use them as learning experiences. Even when two people seem well matched, it doesn't mean love is in the air. These are a few ideas -- the list could be lengthy and others may have other priorities.

Solid faith practices are a must to keep the spiritual element alive in both of you. If there was one trait I would emphasize, it would be commitment. In the end, that's what counts; it's the glue that keeps you together. As time passes, so does the initial honeymoon stage, a person's looks and appearance. There are children to raise in most cases. It's important to keep working on your marriage so it doesn't get stale. Difficulties may arise -- such as economic problems, unemployment, and to get through them you need to work together. Sadly, health declines with age and one of you could be cast in the role of caregiver. That's where commitment is most needed. Your whole relationship changes. In current times, it's easier to bail out than to stay, but to remain true to one's vows and Faith, leaving isn't the right choice.

There is a point of view that marriage is a contract, but in the true and religious sense, marriage is a covenant. There is a difference.

03/03/2013 new
Ray, I could not agree more with your response and want to thank you for your insight. I am aware that married individuals are not allowed on here, with the exception of newlyweds, but was hoping maybe even some newlyweds could shed light on their process of the decision to commit to marriage. I 110% agree with you on the idea of marriage being a covenant and not a contract. This is of course why God needs to be at the center of it; without Him, most people perceive marriage as a "I'll be here while it's good for me" scenario. I am one of those who believes it IS a covenant and not to be taken lightly. Hence, this is why if a guy starts talking marriage too soon it sways me to think he does not understand the seriousness of what he is saying. I consider marriage sacred--a Sacrament--of which we both know is in line the Church's teachings. I am so glad you responded and hope more individuals will. People in my generation so often think of marriage as the early stages--the engagement, the wedding, the honeymoon, the early years. However, we often need a reality-check that marriage is work and commitment is key. I know children, illnesses, and the unexpectancies of life can bring stress to a marriage which make it seem less desireable for some. However, we must continue to embrace the entirety of marriage--the good, the bad, and the ugly. So often my generation does not think about the latter two options--bad and ugly. We just want to focus on the good. Hence, this is why I seek counsel and input from those who are more experienced and wiser than me. So, thank you. :)
03/03/2013 new

(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said: Ray, I could not agree more with your response and want to thank you for your insight. I am aware tha...
(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said: Ray, I could not agree more with your response and want to thank you for your insight. I am aware that married individuals are not allowed on here, with the exception of newlyweds, but was hoping maybe even some newlyweds could shed light on their process of the decision to commit to marriage. I 110% agree with you on the idea of marriage being a covenant and not a contract. This is of course why God needs to be at the center of it; without Him, most people perceive marriage as a "I'll be here while it's good for me" scenario. I am one of those who believes it IS a covenant and not to be taken lightly. Hence, this is why if a guy starts talking marriage too soon it sways me to think he does not understand the seriousness of what he is saying. I consider marriage sacred--a Sacrament--of which we both know is in line the Church's teachings. I am so glad you responded and hope more individuals will. People in my generation so often think of marriage as the early stages--the engagement, the wedding, the honeymoon, the early years. However, we often need a reality-check that marriage is work and commitment is key. I know children, illnesses, and the unexpectancies of life can bring stress to a marriage which make it seem less desireable for some. However, we must continue to embrace the entirety of marriage--the good, the bad, and the ugly. So often my generation does not think about the latter two options--bad and ugly. We just want to focus on the good. Hence, this is why I seek counsel and input from those who are more experienced and wiser than me. So, thank you. :)
--hide--
And I thank you, too, Tiffiany. I'm sure you'll be receiving more responses to your inquiry in this thread. It's a topic seeking positive comments and headed in the right direction.

You might want to contact Donna, one of the moderators. She has a list of people who met on CM and are now married. She might know of some newlyweds who might still be on this site and you could contact them directly. It's iffy but it never hurts to ask. biggrin

03/03/2013 new

Start a thread in the Widow(er)'s room. You will learn what friendship, courtship, love, and sacrifice are all about.

03/03/2013 new

Great idea Marge; although I was afraid they would move it. I guess I'll have to start a thread and take my chances. I really am intrigued in learning more about his as, like I said, the younger people tend to think of marriage only in the short-term spectrum. Believing that marriage is a convenant, I obviously look at it as a life-long commitment and thus want to know more about what it REALLY means to be married. You know, once the newlywed fever wears off and the honeymoon is over. Once the babies keep you awake all night. Or the kids grown up and you and your husband become empty nesters. I think I'll have to save starting that thread for another day though! :)

03/04/2013 new

(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said: Hi CM friends! I was wondering if those who are currently in a long-term committed relationship, marr...
(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said: Hi CM friends! I was wondering if those who are currently in a long-term committed relationship, married, or have been married could enlighten me (and other singles) with advice and guidance--sort of like mentoring to us singles? Specifically, if you could give advice, tips, etc. for the singles on CM who have never been in a LT relationship or married and how we can become the woman or man (respectively) that a Godly man or woman (respectively) would want and need? Practically speaking, what is it that you feel is beneficial to know before entering into a serious LT relationship, engagement, or marriage (whichever your particular case may be) AND/OR what is it that you wish someone would have told you when YOU were single and waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right (depending if you are female or male, respectively of course) to come along? Thank you so much! I assure you dozens of singles are eager to hear from you!
--hide--

Hi, Tiffany! I've always considered my parents as my best relationship mentors. They weren't perfect individuals, but they persisted together till their last breath. I would like to share with you this story a friend recently sent me. It sums up what a good and lasting relationship should be. A bit long, but really worth reading......... Dove


Burned Biscuits - A lesson we all should learn.

When I was a kid, my Mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my Mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed!


All my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my Mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that ugly burned biscuit. He ate every bite of that thing...never made a face nor uttered a word about it!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my Mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said, "Honey, I love burned biscuits every now and then."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your Mom put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides--a little burned biscuit never hurt anyone!"


As I've grown older, I've thought about that many times. Life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. But what I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other's faults and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today...that you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God. Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn't a deal-breaker!

We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!

"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket--keep it in your own."
So, please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burned one will do just fine.


theheart

03/04/2013 new

(Quote) Rosemarie-744159 said: Hi, Tiffany! I've always considered my parents as my best relationship mentors. ...
(Quote) Rosemarie-744159 said:

Hi, Tiffany! I've always considered my parents as my best relationship mentors. They weren't perfect individuals, but they persisted together till their last breath. I would like to share with you this story a friend recently sent me. It sums up what a good and lasting relationship should be. A bit long, but really worth reading.........


Burned Biscuits - A lesson we all should learn.

When I was a kid, my Mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my Mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed!


All my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my Mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that ugly burned biscuit. He ate every bite of that thing...never made a face nor uttered a word about it!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my Mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said, "Honey, I love burned biscuits every now and then."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your Mom put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides--a little burned biscuit never hurt anyone!"


As I've grown older, I've thought about that many times. Life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. But what I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other's faults and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today...that you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God. Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn't a deal-breaker!

We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!

"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket--keep it in your own."
So, please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burned one will do just fine.

--hide--

Rosemarie,

Love it! That story is so beautiful and you make a very valid point--sometimes certain little things really are just little things and should not be dealbreakers.

03/04/2013 new

I read this somewhere the other day (wish I could remember where):

Marriage has three rings: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffer-ing. biggrin


It's true, and you can read all about it in the Widows' room.

03/04/2013 new

(Quote) Rosemarie-744159 said: Hi, Tiffany! I've always considered my parents as my best relationship mentors. ...
(Quote) Rosemarie-744159 said:

Hi, Tiffany! I've always considered my parents as my best relationship mentors. They weren't perfect individuals, but they persisted together till their last breath. I would like to share with you this story a friend recently sent me. It sums up what a good and lasting relationship should be. A bit long, but really worth reading.........


Burned Biscuits - A lesson we all should learn.

When I was a kid, my Mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my Mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed!


All my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my Mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that ugly burned biscuit. He ate every bite of that thing...never made a face nor uttered a word about it!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my Mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said, "Honey, I love burned biscuits every now and then."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your Mom put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides--a little burned biscuit never hurt anyone!"


As I've grown older, I've thought about that many times. Life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. But what I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other's faults and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today...that you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God. Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn't a deal-breaker!

We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!

"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket--keep it in your own."
So, please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burned one will do just fine.

--hide--
Enjoyed the story, Rosemarie, and, more importantly the lesson taught. Fortunately your parents had a deep and caring devotion to each other. It's a sad fact, but not everyone can look up to their parents that way.

There really isn't anyone who can "teach" others about the entire married life scene -- there are so many variables, circumstances, and personality differences. In most areas, the Church offers marriage preparation courses that help couples ascertain their maturity levels, discover personality differences that might clash. Hopefully, everyone will know at least one or two married couples who seem to have it together and stand out as bright stars to follow.

Communication is essential and most beneficial if done properly. Communicating by arguing, scolding, nagging, or belittling is not productive. Expressing one's feelings honestly and openly will help clear up some of the mystery. One lesson learned is that what seemingly might be a problem is only the tip of the iceberg and indicative of a more deep rooted concern. You just have to talk it out -- civilly -- to understand the other person's viewpoint.

Relationships, love, and marriage expose one's self to being vulnerable. Enough trust must exist so that these vulnerabilities aren't used against each other, but rather to help understand one's partner.

And, of course, Rosemary, there's nothing wrong with an occasional burned biscuit. biggrin

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