"keeping options open" = he isn't that into you...kind of like when you ladies tell us men that you just want to be "friends".
Steve--thanks for your input! I really appreicate it and agree with it! This is so true. So many of my girlfiends either a) just drop a guy completely or b) tell him they just want to "be friends" (when in reality they don't) when they are "just not that into him." This has essentially been my biggest pet peeve. I have been guilty of the first option, which I know I wrong, but I am not perfect. However, I am working on being more honest and communicative and if I am just "not that into" a guy I will just tell him "Hey, I think you're great, but not such a great fit for me."
You certainly laid it on the line. I remember going to my conservative catholic college and taking a young lady out for something fun but not totally a date. Well that week another female friend of mine and I watched a movie together. The first young lady got wind of it and confronted me about how I was a player. Grant you, it was just some fun activities and a hug good bye.. Keeping options open is not abad thing when you are not in a relationship. Getting to know just one person isn't noble, its foolish. Obviously as you keep your options open you try to narrow it down on someone you match with. If you just get to know one person at a time you may be neglecting a chance to meet the person who matches with you best. I'd say the guys who are keeping their options open are waiting till they know they match with someone enough to pursue a relationship. They have the good head on their shoulders and the one who just falls right in and looks at no one else. Well I'd compare that to the person that walks into a market and doesn't shop around but just picks the first thing he sees. Don't get mad at the practical guys who keep their options open, they are the ones with the brains.
I would completely agree with you on this notion--ESPECIALLY at the beginning. Of course it would be unwise and can we say just plain stupid to automatically exclusively start dating the first woman whom there is a mutual connection with? What I was referring to is someone who say has been talking to a woman, going on dates with her, etc. for many, many months. Like 6 months or longer. I feel like depending upon both of the individuals' schedules obviously 6 months can mean a lot of quality time or a little (depending upon work schedules and other responsiblities). However, for the most part if a lot of quality time has been spent over the past 6 month and this guy is still "keeping his options open" then I think the woman could be led to believe that he is a) just not that into her or b) not ready for a relationship. Either is fine. But would you say this is an accurate assessment? As for the girl that you went out with one time and she freaked out by seeing you with another girl, that is something else entirely. When I start going on a date with a guy, I make it clear that I expect he--and I--to see others. Afterall, we are all on this journey to find God's mate for us. In real-life, obviously everyone in neither Christian nor Catholic, but we are all trying to find the best "fit." Especially if we take marriage seriously. Going on one--or even just a handful of dates--with someone doesn't mean that they should think that you are "theirs." Usually I let the guy bring up the exclusivity thing; if he mentions that he wants to be exclusive and I feel that we have known each other long enough (or at least learned enough about each other) than I will think about it, pray about it, and go from there. However, I would NEVER expect a guy to be exclusive with me after the first date--or first several dates for that matter--unless HE has made it crystal clear. Thanks for your input!
Steve hit the nail smack dab on the head. In my opinion, I wouldn't worry about why a guy does this or why a guy does that, because it gives me the feel that you're trying to fix him to be the man you're looking for. To put it in the words of a psychologist I like, "When you walk into a pet store and purchase a porcupine you'll walk out with a porcupine, it's not going to turn into a soft, cuddly puppy when you walk out the door." That's the way it is with men. When you find a player or commitment phobe, you'll have a player or commitment phobe, don't try to turn him into something he's not.......a committed man. If he's not willing to be mono a mono with you, then kick him to the curb and move on to the next. It's that simple. Not trying to sound harsh, just laying it on the line.
Well said and I could not agree more! I certainly have kicked more than enough guys "to the curb" after realizing that they were not serious about getting serious; and again, this is after many hours and events of getting to know the other person. If a guy is not making a conerted, obvious effort to get to know me then I realize he is probably "just not that into" me. It may hurt, but I can deal with reality. I CAN handle the truth. Thanks for "laying it on the line." I think more men should. I certainly appreciate your candidness!
Hello Tifanny!! While I agree with many things you said! I think Andrew has lied it on the line!! This is so true. I have been here for a while on and off... and let me tell you what my mom and grandma have always said, if a man is interested in YOU he will let you know, without a doubt. Otherwise he may be handling other things in his life, not sure.. etc etc... you either take it or move. Also, if you see you would not be a fit for him the best thing as you say is to let the other person know asap. You look like a great woman, I am sure a great man will come along!!
Thanks Andrew! I agree. I do NOT stick around and will encourage my female friends (on and offline) not too either. If they are serious about finding their soulmate then they need to know not to waste time. I think that is what frustrates us all--both men and women. We just don't want our time wasted. Everytime a guy comes into my life, I always pray it is for some reason. He may not be "the one" but maybe a great friendship will arise from it, maybe he has some wisdom to impart on me (or I on him), or maybe there are lessons to be learned from our interaction. I always try to see the silver lining. :)
I don't believe that. I think he will do it only if he's convinced he will be received with kindness and generosity.
Steve, I wish that were true. If -- as a woman -- I wanted to keep my options open, I would probably want to say, "Let's be friends" -- except that it's 95% sure that the gentleman would ASSUME that I meant "go away".
Wouldn't it be nice if we all spoke the same language.
I think this is a generational thing. In the past I believe it was deemed rude to say something such as "I'm just not that into you" or "You're just not a good fit for me", etc. However, this day and age, especially as my generation grows older (and wiser) I think we realize that life is so short. I don't like to waste my time or have it wasted and I try my best not to waste others. That is why I have vowed to be honest with guys who are just not my type or who I have interacted with but feel they are not a good fit for me. At the end of the day, I look at it this way--most of the men I interact with, if called to marriage, will likely one day be someone else's husband. If some other woman is communicating with my future husband now, saying that God has one for me, then how would I want HER to treat HIM? I would rather she be honest. Because like a earlier poster pointed out, life is short. Let's not waste time. We are all brothers and sisters in Christ and part of His Church. Let's treach each other in this manner.