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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
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Accepting Being Single

Mar 7th 2013 new

I'm hoping this to be a positive topic. It occurs to me lately that we've had to accept some hard things, and hopefully we have learned or are learning to accept them with grace and dignity. That is a hard mountain to climb. Two years ago I could not conceive that I might never marry again. It just seemed to be the state of living in which my heart was happiest. Now, however, I find that while I am alone, I am not lonely. While I long for a relationship with a good man, if that does not happen I am sure that I will be fine. In fact, I am fine. That is not to say that I would not like a special companion to enjoy or keep company with or to marry. I'm saying that I think I am learning that it will be okay to be single - and I am wondering if any of you are feeling that as well.

Mar 7th 2013 new

I am incredibly lonely especially when I am dealing with my dad's death on my own, but here is what I have found out about myself. I am stronger than I ever even thought I could be. My faith blazes and people lsiten because I am fire tested perhaps. I have made career changes and I have begun rediscovering new things/old things about me. While I am still very shy, I have learned that I can write well enough to be published and that I can talk on national forums and in the media when it is something I care about. I have discovered empathy and how to be a better friend. I am a better version of myself, albeit a lonelier version.

Mar 7th 2013 new

So sorry for your loss and having to shoulder your mother's pain as well right now. You have done some amazing things in a relatively short amount of time. That shows great courage. God speed and God Bless.

Mar 7th 2013 new

(Quote) Beverly-936499 said: we've had to accept some hard things, and hopefully we have learned or are learning to accept them with gra...
(Quote) Beverly-936499 said: we've had to accept some hard things, and hopefully we have learned or are learning to accept them with grace and dignity.

--hide--
.

I'm still working on the "dignity" part. Now that I have had time to step back and take what is going on around me, I noticed that most of the women that are happiest in their relationship had alot of down time as far as dating and waiting for the right man, where the women that went from relationship to relationship are the most miserable people to be around.

I had to move a couple of months ago, I'm currently redecorating with the items I like, no big discussions or arguments. I come home and it is finally feels like its my place. My place is a work in progress, dark wood with white fabric. Beige and blue walls, sound like a train wreck, but it works for me. Now it is a place to be at home in, not just a crash pad.

I think there is too much emphasis on having that special person or you can't be happy. On that note, I work for a small school that has a convent on the premises. We have a new bus driver who is a die-hard christian who is not familiar with catholism, he asked the head nun the other day where the nuns' husbands lived. I wish I could have been there, I can always use a good laugh!

Mar 7th 2013 new

Nuns' husbands. That's hilarious.

Sounds to me as if you have already accomplished the dignity part - you've made a path for yourself on you are on it. That's huge.

Kudos girlfriend.

Mar 7th 2013 new

Not me. I'm going kicking and screaming.

Mar 7th 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: Not me. I'm going kicking and screaming.
(Quote) Marge-938695 said: Not me. I'm going kicking and screaming.
--hide--




Hey. That's good, too. No reason not to do that. I'm still looking and will continue to look. I'm just thinking I won't be dissapointed if it doesn't happen.

Mar 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Beverly-936499 said: I'm hoping this to be a positive topic. It occurs to me lately that we've had to accept...
(Quote) Beverly-936499 said:

I'm hoping this to be a positive topic. It occurs to me lately that we've had to accept some hard things, and hopefully we have learned or are learning to accept them with grace and dignity. That is a hard mountain to climb. Two years ago I could not conceive that I might never marry again. It just seemed to be the state of living in which my heart was happiest. Now, however, I find that while I am alone, I am not lonely. While I long for a relationship with a good man, if that does not happen I am sure that I will be fine. In fact, I am fine. That is not to say that I would not like a special companion to enjoy or keep company with or to marry. I'm saying that I think I am learning that it will be okay to be single - and I am wondering if any of you are feeling that as well.

--hide--
I think you're exactly where you need to be to find what you are seeking. You've weathered the initial shock, the initial storms, re-inventing yourself to deal with reality and have come up with an honest assessment of your circumstances. In short, you have your act together.

Many people who have lost their partners seem to be over-eager for a new relationship. The impression that's left is that they believe a new relationship will solve their problems. As you realize, that's not the case. You have to be truly ready, confident in this scary world, and available to enter a relationship where you can give as well as receive. It's not one-sided.

It's certainly fine that you are single for now, as it is for many others. While we long for companionship, we're capable of functioning on our own. If we can't do that, how much good are we to someone else? Widowed women and men are now in a different world and need to adapt to it or continue to suffer. A person might not be able to control circumstances, but controlling one's attitude is a different matter. That's something we can remedy, even though it might take some time and effort. It's well worth it so others can end up feeling as you do.

Mar 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Judie-947029 said: . I'm still working on the "dignity" part. Now that I have had time to step ...
(Quote) Judie-947029 said:

.

I'm still working on the "dignity" part. Now that I have had time to step back and take what is going on around me, I noticed that most of the women that are happiest in their relationship had alot of down time as far as dating and waiting for the right man, where the women that went from relationship to relationship are the most miserable people to be around.

I had to move a couple of months ago, I'm currently redecorating with the items I like, no big discussions or arguments. I come home and it is finally feels like its my place. My place is a work in progress, dark wood with white fabric. Beige and blue walls, sound like a train wreck, but it works for me. Now it is a place to be at home in, not just a crash pad.

I think there is too much emphasis on having that special person or you can't be happy. On that note, I work for a small school that has a convent on the premises. We have a new bus driver who is a die-hard christian who is not familiar with catholism, he asked the head nun the other day where the nuns' husbands lived. I wish I could have been there, I can always use a good laugh!

--hide--
You're well on your way, too.

But.....what's the matter with beige and blue????? scratchchin laughing

Mar 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said:...seem to be over-eager for a new relationship. .... You have to be truly ready,
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:...seem to be over-eager for a new relationship. .... You have to be truly ready,
--hide--
The eagerness is a combination of loneliness and wanting to repeat/renew a good thing.
But you're absolutely right: you have to be ready, and most folks jump into the dating pool long before they know who they are as a single person.

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