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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Strange, strange, strange...

Mar 9th 2013 new

boggled

I have no idea what to think. I had the strangest thing happen Thursday and here it is Saturday with me still wondering what to do.

A guy I don't know well, we just sort of chatted a bit, he was asking about books I was reading, music, movies and such where I go to grad school. I was getting ready to go and he reached over, grabbed my telephone, and put his number in it. Then he said "We should go on a date sometime." I sort of stammered at that point, he said "This will be awkward," and he reached over and kissed me. Then he apologized and said "I shouldn't have done that." It was so strange, I have never had anything like that happen before. I promise I was not consciously flirting or anything, I honestly thought we were just chatting. I am new to the school and the area, I don't know anyone and my annulment isn't done. Obviously I am really dense and can't tell "interested" from "friendly." I have explained to him that my annulment isn't final, I can't date, etcetera.

This is making me feel very strange, and very awkward. I was wearing my usual (MODEST) business casual clothing, nothing unusual, how on earth did this strange situation occur? And what on earth do I do about it? Thing is, I've been sort of dodging guys asking for my number more and more, I want to go to things outside church and socialize normally but all I can think of at this point is to put on a fake engagement ring which seems very high school.

Mar 9th 2013 new

You should be very suspicious of this man.Anyway,you should wait until you have your annulment also.Because you are still married.

Mar 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Bernard-2709 said: You should be very suspicious of this man.Anyway,you should wait until you have your annulment al...
(Quote) Bernard-2709 said:

You should be very suspicious of this man.Anyway,you should wait until you have your annulment also.Because you are still married.

--hide--
Yes, wear the ring because you are still married.

Mar 9th 2013 new

It's emotionally tolling too, I don't like to trash my ex-husband because his leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me, but he is my age with a 22 year old apparently partly living with him girlfriend. It's petty, I know, but it seems unfair that I got married thinking I would have the happy family life I see with my parents and my sister and end up being ostracized by people at church, approached in uncomfortable ways, and may have a chance that the annulment says I have to learn how to navigate this limbo forever.

Putting the ring on also seems very painful because well, see the above. I know I'm sacramentally married but I can't stay hidden away from the world, my son will not be dependent on me forever and someday if I do my job right I will have to be alone.

Ah well - someone told me "Never pray for strength or patience, it's then those things will be tested."

Mar 10th 2013 new

Also I love how it's MY fault he reached over and kissed me. I guess I just can't be out in public talking to a man by myself and be safe? This was outside, in a public area. I guess I'm just stupid.

Mar 10th 2013 new

(Quote) Katherine-868943 said: Also I love how it's MY fault he reached over and kissed me. I guess I just can't be ...
(Quote) Katherine-868943 said:

Also I love how it's MY fault he reached over and kissed me. I guess I just can't be out in public talking to a man by myself and be safe? This was outside, in a public area. I guess I'm just stupid.

--hide--
No, no, no, it isn't your fault that he reached over and kissed you. That was a moment in which you got a lesson regarding boundaries, emotional and physical. You were taught by this incident (or you need to learn) that you are in charge of your physical space, the amount of time you spend with someone. You need to be aware of how you are being perceived before some guys reaches over and kisses you again.

There are two types of marriage, civil (legal) and sacramental (religious). If you are civilly divorced, then you shouldn't be wearing a wedding ring because you are no longer legally married. You might still be married in your mind, though. Thn it would be time to process your marriage, its end and what your newfound singledom means thru psychotherapy.

Mar 10th 2013 new

Thank you Margo, I had a quick talk with Fr. at church this morning and he also pointed out that since I've been working mainly with children and not being around adults much I might end up needing to be more aware of my personal space, that while little kids you don't observe the "two-foot rule" that with many adults you need to. I hadn't even thought of that, but it's a really good point. I may have been unconsciously creating a situation by just not making it clear with my body language that I'm only being friendly.

Mar 13th 2013 new
(Quote) Katherine-868943 said: Also I love how it's MY fault he reached over and kissed me. I guess I just can't be out in public...
(Quote) Katherine-868943 said:

Also I love how it's MY fault he reached over and kissed me. I guess I just can't be out in public talking to a man by myself and be safe? This was outside, in a public area. I guess I'm just stupid.

--hide--
It's not your fault as you cannot control what someone else does. Margo and Fr. Had some good ideas, but even those don't mean some other guy won't do the same thing. It's an experience to learn and grow from. Don't think you can't talk to men alone in public. It was his behavior. I work in a very male dominated field and have not really ever had anything come close to this. (Of course I've also conducted training on sexual harassment and what it is etc, so ... )
Mar 14th 2013 new

I know you probably enjoyed the conversation (not the turmoil that followed-which is NOT your fault at all), but I personally would simply tell him you are unable to communicate with him at this time, that he obviously wants more then you can give him (dating, at the very least). I like the idea of a ring...don't wear your old set...go splurge on a something new & make it a promise to God that you are committed to doing His will & to follow His teachings.

It is very difficult, feeling like you will be alone forever. But we have to have faith...faith that we are headed to where God wants us!


hug hugs & Praying prayers Katherine!

Mar 14th 2013 new
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