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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

5 Years Ago?

Mar 13th 2013 new

Alright, I thought I'd start a new topic: it's based around the idea of, no matter how old you are or what experiences you have been through, what is something--or muliple--things that you'd be willing to admit publically that you wish you would have known 5+ years ago about dating and single-life? This can range from anything to how to dress better for a date, what not to say on a first date, how to pursue or not pursue a prospect, etc, etc. Whatever one feels comfortable sharing would be great.

On thing I wish I would have known 5 years ago, and that I am still gradually learning today, is that sometimes you have to focus on not finding Mr. Perfect but just that person who gets you--and truly cares about you. We all go through ups and downs in life but it is the person that sticks with you through those things that you can really count on. And this is not just for relationships but for friendships as well.

Second to this I would say that I wish I could have told my younger self to relax a bit more and not sweat those who don't make an effort to be apart of my life. If someone doesn't prioritize you, and you have made it pretty clear to them (in the best way you know how) that you are interested in them, then just move on. Don't dwell. Afterall, as a woman, if they are not treating me in a manner that I would want them to treat my future daughter (should God bless me with one)--or a woman is not treating a man in the same way that he would hope she would treat his future son (should God bless him with one) then really that says a lot to me. Kindness goes a long way. As does sincerity. Two rare qualitites to find in this hustle-and-bustle world we have today but they are still out there. :)

Mar 13th 2013 new
In my case, not knowing what was to happen over the past five years has been a blessing from God. I know understand so much better why the future is kept from us. God loves us enough not to terrify us to death!! Better to think about tomorrow when it's today!
Mar 13th 2013 new

In the last five years I've had, I kid you not, 4 "dates". I don't consider them dates though, more "pre-date application meetings". ^_^ Its just two people meeting for a coffee and a chat to see if its worth a sequel. [Actually, since I was 18 I've still only had four]

But despite that small pool, the one thing I've learnt is to not compromise my beliefs or practice of faith; and how absolutely vital it is to me that the guy is Catholic, Catholic with an uppercase C.

The first guy was someone my sister's friend set me up. A guy who dabbled in Eastern/pagan spiritualism, and came out with the gem "if a girl's unconscious then she can't say no" . -_-'

The second guy was a hard core fundamentalist bent of Protestantism who changed his name to reflect his new found Christian piety. The guy told me "none of your catholic family can come to the wedding because they'll bring their demons into the church", or words to the effect. [We had only one coffee meet and he was telling me this].

The other two chaps just sort of dropped off the radar after meeting me and both were luke warm towards Catholicism, one I met here.

So I've concluded, I'd rather be alone than with a guy who's religious opinions are counter to the Truth, which I adhere to. Why? I dont want to marry some chap on the possibility that he could convert to Catholicism or get stronger in his faith. Its to big a risk. To my soul, to his, and to any children that may result. I'm too black and white to tolerate a wishy washy politically correct approach to faith. I do not want to be filling out annullment papers ten years from M day either.

Where will I be five years from now? Only God knows. I have finanical plans and that's about the extent of it.

Mar 13th 2013 new
I think I have come to understand that it is important to have your own interests, and common interests. In this way you each have something to share. I have many friends who take time to develop and continue with separate interests as well as mutual interests.
Mar 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said: Alright, I thought I'd start a new topic: it's based around the idea of, no matter how...
(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said:

Alright, I thought I'd start a new topic: it's based around the idea of, no matter how old you are or what experiences you have been through, what is something--or muliple--things that you'd be willing to admit publically that you wish you would have known 5+ years ago about dating and single-life? This can range from anything to how to dress better for a date, what not to say on a first date, how to pursue or not pursue a prospect, etc, etc. Whatever one feels comfortable sharing would be great.

On thing I wish I would have known 5 years ago, and that I am still gradually learning today, is that sometimes you have to focus on not finding Mr. Perfect but just that person who gets you--and truly cares about you. We all go through ups and downs in life but it is the person that sticks with you through those things that you can really count on. And this is not just for relationships but for friendships as well.

Second to this I would say that I wish I could have told my younger self to relax a bit more and not sweat those who don't make an effort to be apart of my life. If someone doesn't prioritize you, and you have made it pretty clear to them (in the best way you know how) that you are interested in them, then just move on. Don't dwell. Afterall, as a woman, if they are not treating me in a manner that I would want them to treat my future daughter (should God bless me with one)--or a woman is not treating a man in the same way that he would hope she would treat his future son (should God bless him with one) then really that says a lot to me. Kindness goes a long way. As does sincerity. Two rare qualitites to find in this hustle-and-bustle world we have today but they are still out there. :)

--hide--

How blind our emotions can make us if we let them control our thought process.

Mar 14th 2013 new

Very good topic, and one where I can definetely say I've learned a lot and changed over the course of 5 years.

Probably, the most important lesson I can say is this: It's not about whether you can get along with someone for the rest of your life. You have to ask yourself what your potential children will grow up believing if you marry that person. If you were to die early, will that other person raise your children in a way you'd want them to? With that in mind, I have set standards on who is eligible for me to date, and also it has helped me get over old crushes. Let's face it, there's a lot of people I could get along with. If I didn't have to think about children, there's a lot of girls I could spend the rest of my life with. But having children is the whole point of a marriage. To me that's what separates people who can only be your friends, and the special people you meet that are marriage material.

Mar 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Naomi-698107 said: In the last five years I've had, I kid you not, 4 "dates". I don't consider the...
(Quote) Naomi-698107 said:

In the last five years I've had, I kid you not, 4 "dates". I don't consider them dates though, more "pre-date application meetings". ^_^ Its just two people meeting for a coffee and a chat to see if its worth a sequel. [Actually, since I was 18 I've still only had four]

But despite that small pool, the one thing I've learnt is to not compromise my beliefs or practice of faith; and how absolutely vital it is to me that the guy is Catholic, Catholic with an uppercase C.

The first guy was someone my sister's friend set me up. A guy who dabbled in Eastern/pagan spiritualism, and came out with the gem "if a girl's unconscious then she can't say no" . -_-'

The second guy was a hard core fundamentalist bent of Protestantism who changed his name to reflect his new found Christian piety. The guy told me "none of your catholic family can come to the wedding because they'll bring their demons into the church", or words to the effect. [We had only one coffee meet and he was telling me this].

The other two chaps just sort of dropped off the radar after meeting me and both were luke warm towards Catholicism, one I met here.

So I've concluded, I'd rather be alone than with a guy who's religious opinions are counter to the Truth, which I adhere to. Why? I dont want to marry some chap on the possibility that he could convert to Catholicism or get stronger in his faith. Its to big a risk. To my soul, to his, and to any children that may result. I'm too black and white to tolerate a wishy washy politically correct approach to faith. I do not want to be filling out annullment papers ten years from M day either.

Where will I be five years from now? Only God knows. I have finanical plans and that's about the extent of it.

--hide--

Well, this was more about what you wish you would have known 5 years ago. But, I guess looking at the future is always good too. :) As usual, Naomi you cracke me up!

Mar 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Robert-834944 said: Very good topic, and one where I can definetely say I've learned a lot and changed over the ...
(Quote) Robert-834944 said:

Very good topic, and one where I can definetely say I've learned a lot and changed over the course of 5 years.

Probably, the most important lesson I can say is this: It's not about whether you can get along with someone for the rest of your life. You have to ask yourself what your potential children will grow up believing if you marry that person. If you were to die early, will that other person raise your children in a way you'd want them to? With that in mind, I have set standards on who is eligible for me to date, and also it has helped me get over old crushes. Let's face it, there's a lot of people I could get along with. If I didn't have to think about children, there's a lot of girls I could spend the rest of my life with. But having children is the whole point of a marriage. To me that's what separates people who can only be your friends, and the special people you meet that are marriage material.

--hide--

Robert,

That is so great that you have learned that--and at such a young age! I would definitely agree--you can't just think you are looking for a spouse but also the future parent of your children (should God bless you with them). Likewise, this raises the bar quite a bit, at least it does for me, and makes me more proactive about whom I am looking for--and whom I am not. Should I pass away, I want to know that my children will be in good hands! Thanks for reminding me of the importance of this! :)

Mar 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said: What is something--or muliple--things that you'd be willing to admit publically that you w...
(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said:

What is something--or muliple--things that you'd be willing to admit publically that you wish you would have known 5+ years ago about dating and single-life?

--hide--

Thanks for posting this Tiffany, it is a good question deserving careful thought. I have been reading through the CM blogs recently, some of which seemed as though the content was directly speaking to me eyepopping There was an article "Why Perfectionism Keeps You From Meeting Your Match" which really struck me. I tend to be a type of person who likes everything about an important decision (be it choice of school, company, spouse, etc) to "feel" right. This article was an eye-opener because even though perfectionism may help you career-wise, I definitely see (and have already experienced) how it can hurt an otherwise good relationship. Thus, this is something I now keep in check by learning to take risks and leave non-crucial details to chance.. I wish I learned this a few months ahead, but better late than never! biggrin

Mar 14th 2013 new

Some things I've learned about relationships in the last five years:

The past needs to stay in the past.

You can't run away from where and what God wants for you (AKA the nunnery is not for you if God wants you for marriage).

You have to know and cherish who you are and what you believe before you can share that with another person.

and as far as dates go in the past five years I have had.... zero, but all in God's time wink .

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