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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Fear and Happiness..

Mar 15th 2013 new

Have been having a little email debate with a fella who feels that maybe people aren't properly educated in finding a spouse. He seems to feel that the Catholic Church should have a system of education and/or coercion that makes people get together..I have often maintained that FEAR keeps people from finding their HAPPINESS.. I went to check my FB feed and found this Meme there..


When Love Knocks at your Door,

Just Breathe, Relax, and Let it In.

Because Being Afraid of Happiness is Complete Nonsense.


Any thoughts?

Mar 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: Have been having a little email debate with a fella who feels that maybe people aren't properl...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:

Have been having a little email debate with a fella who feels that maybe people aren't properly educated in finding a spouse. He seems to feel that the Catholic Church should have a system of education and/or coercion that makes people get together..I have often maintained that FEAR keeps people from finding their HAPPINESS.. I went to check my FB feed and found this Meme there..


When Love Knocks at your Door,

Just Breathe, Relax, and Let it In.

Because Being Afraid of Happiness is Complete Nonsense.


Any thoughts?

--hide--


Isnt forcing people together kind of not free will? I mean meeting people is fine..but our human nature is how God designed us..if we are fearful it is because wants us that way for a reason to work with his plan. Perhaps to learn things overcoming it etc. I don't know.. when you talk about this stuff there are infinite possibilities because it is God after all

Mar 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Sam-948516 said: Isnt forcing people together kind of not free will? I mean meeting people is fine..but...
(Quote) Sam-948516 said:


Isnt forcing people together kind of not free will? I mean meeting people is fine..but our human nature is how God designed us..if we are fearful it is because wants us that way for a reason to work with his plan. Perhaps to learn things overcoming it etc. I don't know.. when you talk about this stuff there are infinite possibilities because it is God after all

--hide--


I had to laugh at your reply here, because 'free will' was exactly the term I used in reply to him..

Mar 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: I had to laugh at your reply here, because 'free will' was exactly the term I...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:


I had to laugh at your reply here, because 'free will' was exactly the term I used in reply to him..

--hide--


haha well I mean, as far as I understand that is a violation of free will if the Church is forcing people to do anything

Mar 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: Have been having a little email debate with a fella who feels that maybe people aren't properl...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:

Have been having a little email debate with a fella who feels that maybe people aren't properly educated in finding a spouse. He seems to feel that the Catholic Church should have a system of education and/or coercion that makes people get together..I have often maintained that FEAR keeps people from finding their HAPPINESS.. I went to check my FB feed and found this Meme there..


When Love Knocks at your Door,

Just Breathe, Relax, and Let it In.

Because Being Afraid of Happiness is Complete Nonsense.


Any thoughts?

--hide--
Oh, Donna -- I always have thoughts....

Well, ya can lead a horse to water...as the old saying goes. I'm afraid "education" and/or coercion isn't too much better than an arranged marriage. Perhaps the educatin factor could be integrated with some other subject for some degree of success. Coercion? Ain't gonna happen. Many years ago, the Church was a focal point for social activities. Those of us who have been around for awhile recall the CYO (Catholic Youth Organizations) that were packing young people in at different events -- primarily dances and sock hops. Nowadays, it's hard to get enough people to attend a Church sponsored dance or similar event. Unfortunately, secular events have largely replaced the Church-oriented activities.

The Fear Factor? I'm sure it's real, but it is disguised by other excuses. Some people just don't want to commit to much of anything. Probably not good marriage material to start with. Many who have been divorced (even with annulments) can be hesitant to take the plunge again being concerned about picking a potential loser, or just making a bad choice. This might be the group that is most likely to be admitting to such a fear. Those who are widowed can be afraid they might end up having a spouse that doesn't measure up to their previous one, or in situations where long term care was involved, a fear of a recurrence. Those who haven't ever been married could fear that their marriage won't work out. They see the statistics and people they know splitting up -- which could include their parents. Fear can involve other factors as well, such as economic stability, the need to move, and just fear of the unknown. As desperate as some people seem, they appear to shoot themselves in their feet. As bad as their situation might be, they know what they have and are concerned about having it worse. In general, they might use the excuse there is something in a person's profile that makes them keep looking.

Fear is self-defeating, and that is a problem with getting people together, whether they meet online or by some other means. If people who want to date pay their $$$ to join a dating site, they should get in gear to get their $$$ worth. People can't marry their computers. Real-life dating can be a lot of fun. It's sad to think of what people are missing by not trying it. So what if a profile isn't 100% what a person wants. We need to get real, take a chance and get out there. Even if a date doesn't lead to anything long term, it still can be enjoyable. Almost every date has more personality than an Apple, Dell or whatever brand computer people have.

If two people who fear the worst get together, they can have a few laughs about it to ease the tension. For the men, there are some very appealing women out there -- just waiting. I wish I had the opportunity and time to meet more of them, but of the several I've met, we've had enjoyable times. For the women -- well, if you're bound by tradition and wait for the guys to contact you, it could be quiet for you on weekends. No harm in an innocent "Hello" and a few words to encourage someone to get moving.

The Fear Factor is real. For those who can't completely get over it -- meet it head on. It'll get better from there.

Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Oh, Donna -- I always have thoughts.... Well, ya can lead a horse to water...as the old sayi...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Oh, Donna -- I always have thoughts....

Well, ya can lead a horse to water...as the old saying goes. I'm afraid "education" and/or coercion isn't too much better than an arranged marriage. Perhaps the educatin factor could be integrated with some other subject for some degree of success. Coercion? Ain't gonna happen. Many years ago, the Church was a focal point for social activities. Those of us who have been around for awhile recall the CYO (Catholic Youth Organizations) that were packing young people in at different events -- primarily dances and sock hops. Nowadays, it's hard to get enough people to attend a Church sponsored dance or similar event. Unfortunately, secular events have largely replaced the Church-oriented activities.

The Fear Factor? I'm sure it's real, but it is disguised by other excuses. Some people just don't want to commit to much of anything. Probably not good marriage material to start with. Many who have been divorced (even with annulments) can be hesitant to take the plunge again being concerned about picking a potential loser, or just making a bad choice. This might be the group that is most likely to be admitting to such a fear. Those who are widowed can be afraid they might end up having a spouse that doesn't measure up to their previous one, or in situations where long term care was involved, a fear of a recurrence. Those who haven't ever been married could fear that their marriage won't work out. They see the statistics and people they know splitting up -- which could include their parents. Fear can involve other factors as well, such as economic stability, the need to move, and just fear of the unknown. As desperate as some people seem, they appear to shoot themselves in their feet. As bad as their situation might be, they know what they have and are concerned about having it worse. In general, they might use the excuse there is something in a person's profile that makes them keep looking.

Fear is self-defeating, and that is a problem with getting people together, whether they meet online or by some other means. If people who want to date pay their $$$ to join a dating site, they should get in gear to get their $$$ worth. People can't marry their computers. Real-life dating can be a lot of fun. It's sad to think of what people are missing by not trying it. So what if a profile isn't 100% what a person wants. We need to get real, take a chance and get out there. Even if a date doesn't lead to anything long term, it still can be enjoyable. Almost every date has more personality than an Apple, Dell or whatever brand computer people have.

If two people who fear the worst get together, they can have a few laughs about it to ease the tension. For the men, there are some very appealing women out there -- just waiting. I wish I had the opportunity and time to meet more of them, but of the several I've met, we've had enjoyable times. For the women -- well, if you're bound by tradition and wait for the guys to contact you, it could be quiet for you on weekends. No harm in an innocent "Hello" and a few words to encourage someone to get moving.

The Fear Factor is real. For those who can't completely get over it -- meet it head on. It'll get better from there.

--hide--

You were doing really good until you got to here: For the women -- well, if you're bound by tradition and wait for the guys to contact you, it could be quiet for you on weekends. No harm in an innocent "Hello" and a few words to encourage someone to get moving.

Unfortunately for a large percentage of us women the 'innocent Hello' never leads to an actual date.. All it leads to is a day or two of emails if we are very lucky. Then he drops out of sight.. It's still up to the man to be doing the asking on a date..There is precious little asking going on around here.

Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: You were doing really good until you got to here: For the women -- well, if you&...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:

You were doing really good until you got to here: For the women -- well, if you're bound by tradition and wait for the guys to contact you, it could be quiet for you on weekends. No harm in an innocent "Hello" and a few words to encourage someone to get moving.

Unfortunately for a large percentage of us women the 'innocent Hello' never leads to an actual date.. All it leads to is a day or two of emails if we are very lucky. Then he drops out of sight.. It's still up to the man to be doing the asking on a date..There is precious little asking going on around here.

--hide--
I don't have or see a problem with women taking at least some initiative. Statistically we have no way of knowing how many dates resulted from this approach. What I'm saying is it can't hurt to at least say "Hello". It may lead to nowhere but it's better than not doing anything. Maybe this approach would help the shy guys. Even if a date isn't expected, a friendly Hello is always welcome -- at least by me.

It's a sign we're still alive.

Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: I don't have or see a problem with women taking at least some initiative. Statistically we have...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

I don't have or see a problem with women taking at least some initiative. Statistically we have no way of knowing how many dates resulted from this approach. What I'm saying is it can't hurt to at least say "Hello". It may lead to nowhere but it's better than not doing anything. Maybe this approach would help the shy guys. Even if a date isn't expected, a friendly Hello is always welcome -- at least by me.

It's a sign we're still alive.

--hide--


Any man who comes on here with the real and true desire to find a wife WILL find one.. Women have to wait to be asked.. Women DO NOT do the asking when it comes to dating. They can say Hello to hundreds all day long, but if a man doesn't move things forward to asking for a date she is handcuffed.


One time I did an experiment over a weekend.. I sent out around 200 contacts.. I think I got 10 messages back, only one led to a meeting because the guy was visiting the area shortly after that. The Mutual Match System is a joke.. I have NEVER had anyone contact me that came through on my matches. Sometimes I click yes on all of them even if I'm not interested just to see if one of them had the gumption to click yes too..So far it's a big fat zero..

Mar 16th 2013 new

Donna,


That suggested method of "education and/or coercion that makes people get together" brought to mind the image of all the cardinals being locked into the Sistine Chapel, with limited food rations (as had been tried some centuries ago), until they choose a pope. Perhaps your friend is suggesting that all the singles be locked into a big room until there are only couples left! laughingWhat could go wrong? scratchchin


Ed

Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) ED-20630 said: Donna, That suggested method of "ed...
(Quote) ED-20630 said:

Donna,


That suggested method of "education and/or coercion that makes people get together" brought to mind the image of all the cardinals being locked into the Sistine Chapel, with limited food rations (as had been tried some centuries ago), until they choose a pope. Perhaps your friend is suggesting that all the singles be locked into a big room until there are only couples left! What could go wrong?


Ed

--hide--

laughing laughing laughing

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