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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Sometimes one hears remarks that compare loving on the one hand to seeking to be loved on the other hand. Among these comments are, "It easy to be loved, but difficult to love" and "Everybody wants to be loved, but not everybody is willing to love". Even though such statements are oversimplifications, many people can get a general sense of what they mean and agree with them in a general way.

This can make it seem that desiring to be loved is a weakness if not a moral fault. On top of that, many people, men more so than women I'd say, feel that showing much, if any, desire to be loved is a sign of weakness. Showing a desire to be loved seems to be something that children do, but not strong adults.

Carrying this topic into the dating world and the possibility of marriage, this question arises, "For you would someone who showed a lot of love, care and concern for you, but no desire to be loved on the one hand be better than a more (or seemingly more) selfish person who both loved you and desired to be loved by you?" scratchchin

Also, a more general question arises, "Should the presence of a desire to be loved by anyone automatically cause suspicions that this desire is at least of sign of a diminished ability to love?" scratchchin

Wandering about wondering about things, cool

John

03/15/2013 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: Sometimes one hears remarks that compare loving on the one hand to seeking to be loved on the othe...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Sometimes one hears remarks that compare loving on the one hand to seeking to be loved on the other hand. Among these comments are, "It easy to be loved, but difficult to love" and "Everybody wants to be loved, but not everybody is willing to love". Even though such statements are oversimplifications, many people can get a general sense of what they mean and agree with them in a general way.

This can make it seem that desiring to be loved is a weakness if not a moral fault. On top of that, many people, men more so than women I'd say, feel that showing much, if any, desire to be loved is a sign of weakness. Showing a desire to be loved seems to be something that children do, but not strong adults.

Carrying this topic into the dating world and the possibility of marriage, this question arises, "For you would someone who showed a lot of love, care and concern for you, but no desire to be loved on the one hand be better than a more (or seemingly more) selfish person who both loved you and desired to be loved by you?"

Also, a more general question arises, "Should the presence of a desire to be loved by anyone automatically cause suspicions that this desire is at least of sign of a diminished ability to love?"

Wandering about wondering about things,

John

--hide--


We are imbued with a desire to be loved by God. This is because He wants to fill us with His infinite love and gave us that desire so that we would have reason to search for Him! It is foolish in my opinion to think or suppress our desire for love. We should order that desire however toward its proper purpose. God. If we direct it in the wrong place, we will only end up hurting ourselves. Giving love is the same way. We need to love as God loves, and the only way we can do that is by letting God love us first. I think a saint once said, "I love because He has loved me".

My 2c

03/16/2013 new

(Quote) John-324285 said:We are imbued with a desire to be loved by God. This is because He wants to fill us with His infin...
(Quote) John-324285 said:

We are imbued with a desire to be loved by God. This is because He wants to fill us with His infinite love and gave us that desire so that we would have reason to search for Him! It is foolish in my opinion to think or suppress our desire for love. We should order that desire however toward its proper purpose. God. If we direct it in the wrong place, we will only end up hurting ourselves. Giving love is the same way. We need to love as God loves, and the only way we can do that is by letting God love us first. I think a saint once said, "I love because He has loved me".

My 2c

--hide--
Thanks for your thoughts. You concentrated more on the theological side of my question.

It had occurred to me that I have read and heard praise for having an attitude of love toward others and even for self-love, but that I can't remember ever reading or hearing praise for wanting to be loved. One aspect is that wanting to be loved sounds selfish and self-centered. I thought that wanting to be loved can actually be a very good thing, but someone has to make the correct distinctions so that people can feel more free to show a desired to be loved at least in the sense of seeing that it is not always a negative thing and it can sometimes be a positive thing.

Moving to the theological area I think that the Catholic Church would say that Christ was not just the greatest giver of love, but also the greatest seeker of it and that His seeking of it was just as important as his giving love.

John

03/16/2013 new

Short and simple answer:
In marriage, your ability to GIVE love is called into play more often than your ability to ACCEPT love. (That was my experience over 18 years.)
If you think of marriage in terms of what you will get, you aren't ready.

03/16/2013 new
Marge-938695 said:

Short and simple answer:
In marriage, your ability to GIVE love is called into play more often than your ability to ACCEPT love. (That was my experience over 18 years.)
If you think of marriage in terms of what you will get, you aren't ready.

[/quote]

Marge, I could not have said it any better!
03/17/2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: Short and simple answer:In marriage, your ability to GIVE love is called into play more often...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

Short and simple answer:
In marriage, your ability to GIVE love is called into play more often than your ability to ACCEPT love. (That was my experience over 18 years.)
If you think of marriage in terms of what you will get, you aren't ready.

--hide--
Thanks for your answers, which were related to my questions without answering them directly.

Using what you said as a basis for asking something very similar to my opening questions, one could pose this, "If the other party did not have a desire to be loved, would that make things better by reducing the number of times that you were called on to give love"?

I disagree with your last remark. I think that people should get married in order to get everything they can from it in the long-run sense, which attitude does not preclude all immediate gratifications. I would somewhat agree with your last sentence if it were altered by adding that to get those long-term gains one cannot enter marriage with the idea of always going for the short-term benefits because some of them (not all of them) can prevent the much more satisfying long-term enjoyments.

03/17/2013 new

I believe that we have a natural desire to love and be loved.Both are important in relationships as well as when we reach out to help others.

'The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread."
Mother Teresa

03/17/2013 new

(Quote) John-184825 said:Using what you said as a basis for asking something very similar to my opening questions, one could pose t...
(Quote) John-184825 said:Using what you said as a basis for asking something very similar to my opening questions, one could pose this, "If the other party did not have a desire to be loved, would that make things better by reducing the number of times that you were called on to give love"?

--hide--
This is getting kind of deep.

I'm confused by what exactly you mean by "did not have a desire to be loved".
#1, Do you mean, just wants a friend at the other side of the room, but doesn't want anyone running her fingers through his hair?
#2. Do you mean, misanthropic?

In the case of #1, you stay on the other side of the room...but you still offer to bring a coke or sandwich back for him when you make a run to the kitchen.

In the case of #2, you love him agapaicly -- praying for him, helping him indirectly when you can, and occasionally sending a greeting.

The main thing is, you love a person the way he needs you to love him. Some days it's one way, some days it's another, some days it's little, some days a lot.

03/17/2013 new

(Quote) John-184825 said:....I can't remember ever reading or hearing praise for wanting to be loved. One aspect is that wantin...
(Quote) John-184825 said:....I can't remember ever reading or hearing praise for wanting to be loved. One aspect is that wanting to be loved sounds selfish and self-centered.
--hide--
I wonder if you mean "accepting" love.
There are plenty of folks who do not want -- or don't know how -- to accept love.

03/17/2013 new

[quote]John-184825 said:

"If the other party did not have a desire to be loved, would that make things better by reducing the number of times that you were called on to give love"?

I don't see how it could possibly make things better. We need both to love and to be loved. God created us, not only to be in communion with Himself, but also with each other. I think it is a bit of an insult to the other person not to receive the love that the other person has to give. Not that one should be overly needy or demanding about how the other shows affection. But the desire to be loved is in our God-given nature.

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