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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: You were doing really good until you got to here: For the women -- well, if you&...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:

You were doing really good until you got to here: For the women -- well, if you're bound by tradition and wait for the guys to contact you, it could be quiet for you on weekends. No harm in an innocent "Hello" and a few words to encourage someone to get moving.

Unfortunately for a large percentage of us women the 'innocent Hello' never leads to an actual date.. All it leads to is a day or two of emails if we are very lucky. Then he drops out of sight.. It's still up to the man to be doing the asking on a date..There is precious little asking going on around here.

--hide--


I agree with Donna. Despite coming from a strong tradition that the man should take the first step, I have sent a simple hello and sometimes even a message to some of my matches. I did not get a single response. Yes I firmly believe that there are enough men and women on this site that there should be much more dating and even marriages than those that have happened. Yes, there is a lot of fear but I believe if you sincerely seek, you will find and that faith can overcome fear. "Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death." ~Author Unknown


And sending a friendly message is just that. I had one man message me when I just started. I responded making him aware of some of my committments (I have two young children) he messaged me back stating he did not think it would work out. I was so impressed with this man that he had the decency to respond.


Since I am in Australia where there are not many members, scratchchin I was thinking of discontinuing my paid membership but now decided to continue my membership as I find this site very helpful and I enjoy reading the forums.smile

"Where fear is, happiness is not." ~Seneca. I wonder how many of us here are letting go of our happiness due to fear. scratchchin


For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7) (American Standard Version) eyebrow theheart

Mar 16th 2013 new

It seems that men in general fear emotional intimacy.........


www.kensolin.com



Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: a fella who feels that maybe people aren't properly educated in finding a spouse. He seems to feel th...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said: a fella who feels that maybe people aren't properly educated in finding a spouse. He seems to feel that the Catholic Church should have a system of education and/or coercion that makes people get together.


Any thoughts?

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Donna, I agree. Our society, our times, don't educate people properly in how to find a spouse. However, coercion is not the answer. It flies in the face of free will, and would result in a lot of divorces. scratchchin scratchchin

Mar 16th 2013 new

I think it has been summed up pretty well, but coercing people to get married pretty much violates free will. God doesn't force people to go to heaven and he's not going to force them to get married.

But, what the Church does very well I think, is reinforce the notion that spouses primary mission to is to get each other into heaven and to be best friends. If the two are on that path, then there is an overwhelming chance the marriage will be a success. If they are not on that path, then there is an overwhelming chance the marriage will be a success.

Will

Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: Any man who comes on here with the real and true desire to find a wife WILL f...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:


Any man who comes on here with the real and true desire to find a wife WILL find one.. Women have to wait to be asked.. Women DO NOT do the asking when it comes to dating. They can say Hello to hundreds all day long, but if a man doesn't move things forward to asking for a date she is handcuffed.


One time I did an experiment over a weekend.. I sent out around 200 contacts.. I think I got 10 messages back, only one led to a meeting because the guy was visiting the area shortly after that. The Mutual Match System is a joke.. I have NEVER had anyone contact me that came through on my matches. Sometimes I click yes on all of them even if I'm not interested just to see if one of them had the gumption to click yes too..So far it's a big fat zero..

--hide--

"Any man .... WILL find one?" Hardly. There are numerous forum posts from men whose messages to women find their way to the trash bin with no acknowledgement of their efforts. Despite the popular misconception it's not all easy breezy for the men, either.

Mar 16th 2013 new
(Quote) Rosemarie-744159 said: It seems that men in general fear emotional intimacy......... www.kensolin.com.
(Quote) Rosemarie-744159 said:

It seems that men in general fear emotional intimacy.........


www.kensolin.com



--hide--
One man's anecdotal story shouldn't be taken as reliable evidence that "men in general fear emotional intimacy." One can't experience true love without emotional intimacy.
Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) ED-20630 said: Donna, That suggested method of "ed...
(Quote) ED-20630 said:

Donna,


That suggested method of "education and/or coercion that makes people get together" brought to mind the image of all the cardinals being locked into the Sistine Chapel, with limited food rations (as had been tried some centuries ago), until they choose a pope. Perhaps your friend is suggesting that all the singles be locked into a big room until there are only couples left! What could go wrong?


Ed

--hide--
Hey, Ed -- not a bad idea. Now to get ahold of some white smoke.....

Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: Any man who comes on here with the real and true desire to find a wi...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:


Any man who comes on here with the real and true desire to find a wife WILL find one.. Women have to wait to be asked.. Women DO NOT do the asking when it comes to dating. They can say Hello to hundreds all day long, but if a man doesn't move things forward to asking for a date she is handcuffed.


One time I did an experiment over a weekend.. I sent out around 200 contacts.. I think I got 10 messages back, only one led to a meeting because the guy was visiting the area shortly after that. The Mutual Match System is a joke.. I have NEVER had anyone contact me that came through on my matches. Sometimes I click yes on all of them even if I'm not interested just to see if one of them had the gumption to click yes too..So far it's a big fat zero..

--hide--
Donna -- it takes two, no matter who got the ball rolling. It wasn't my intention to turn this thread in another direction, but it seems that's what's happening. Both the guys and the gals will have to say "Yes" to getting together. The men complain that they send out emotes and messages without acknowledgement. It has to work both ways.

Maybe we could paraphrase the old real-estate saying: "Communication, communication, communication."

(And it takes two to communicate.)

Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) ED-20630 said: Donna, Perhaps your friend is suggesting that all the singles be locked into a big room un...
(Quote) ED-20630 said:

Donna,


Perhaps your friend is suggesting that all the singles be locked into a big room until there are only couples left! What could go wrong?


Ed

--hide--


Most men would go after the same few women, while the other women would stand there wondering what is wrong with them.

Mar 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Marita-847688 said: Most men would go after the same few women, while the other women would stand there...
(Quote) Marita-847688 said:


Most men would go after the same few women, while the other women would stand there wondering what is wrong with them.

--hide--


So that's what I am doing wrong!

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