I have a pink polka dotted wall and quotes up (think Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe) and pink towels in one bathroom--things I never would have done before now. Now, now, I will not turn my house into an estrogen fuelled house, but it makes me smile to know that I could if I wanted to.
PS I also sport flower magnets on the doors of my black car. :)
It will be 5 years this September that I lost my husband. These have been significant years of change and growth for me. I used to worry when I was younger that I would be a widow early on like my grandmothers. When it came to fruition, I was devastated. My faith is what kept me going that first year; I knew that my husband's journey was done and that he was celebrating with God, but I had no idea where that left me. Besides losing him, my 3 kids were at that age where they were going through their own hardships and learning experiences that I couldn't be part of. I had always hoped that I would find someone to spend the rest of my life with, but I have found great peace over the last 2 years and have rediscovered who I was as a single person. I've redecorated my family room and bedroom to reflect my wants and needs and have been surprisingly happy with how it turned out. My bedroom has bits of my history - an antique desk of my grandmothers, a small table with my lamp for reading from my great-grandmother, an antique dresser from the lake where I spent umpteen years with my kids most of the summers, and a warm sleigh bed that I always wanted. I now love my time alone, mostly reading (something I never had time for before). Life was always so rushed before and I'm enjoying the slower pace. And I have found happiness in my job again, since it is such an important part of my life. I think I am accepting being single again.
I'm hoping this to be a positive topic. It occurs to me lately that we've had to accept some hard things, and hopefully we have learned or are learning to accept them with grace and dignity. That is a hard mountain to climb. Two years ago I could not conceive that I might never marry again. It just seemed to be the state of living in which my heart was happiest. Now, however, I find that while I am alone, I am not lonely. While I long for a relationship with a good man, if that does not happen I am sure that I will be fine. In fact, I am fine. That is not to say that I would not like a special companion to enjoy or keep company with or to marry. I'm saying that I think I am learning that it will be okay to be single - and I am wondering if any of you are feeling that as well.
It's been two years for me since my husband passed away. As he had cancer with mets, we were told it was terminal. Still I could not accept it. When he died, I thought I would be OK as I was prepared, but the moment he died in my arms I was totally in a state of shock. Yes I " had to accept some hard things,"and I "am learning to accept them with grace and dignity." It is a hard and steep mountain to climb for me too and sometimes it still is.
Fast forward a year - it was a year of numbness. I survived one day at a time, had numerous trials - was made redundant twice but the Lord did not leave me. Now its two years, and I am OK on my own. My house is now my own - changed some of the furniture, got new floor boards and like the way it looks. I enjoy being with my two children and going out with them. I know I can survive on my own - Not just survive but also thrive. But that does not mean that I will not miss the companionship and the love I enjoyed for 21 years. These days I have learnt to use the drill machine, have got some shelfs put up in the garage, got some more tools and am proud I can "fix it"
I still cannot do some of the work but then there are some man that are not handy either - I can still engage someone to do it. I am stronger and wiser. Since I have been through the fire and survived, my testimony that God will not forsake us, he cares is all the more stronger.
I feel I am ready to love again should I find someone who meets my criteria - a man who will walk with me and lead me closer to Jesus, a man of kingdom values. However if that is not God's will, I know He will be my spouse and I am no longer afraid. I am accepting life as it is, one day at a time. And yes, I think its going to be OK for me to be single too.
Beverly, thank you for this post. You expressed so well what and how I feel as a widow and I thank you for that. I think it is important to go through the different stages of grief to become whole again before moving on.
A priest friend of mine, who was well intentioned, wanted me to start dating a little after a year of my husband's death. I was always very up beat and I think he thought I was fine and he knew someone was waiting in the wings for me. As Pauline stated, the first year we experience numbness. The second year for me was the reality of this great loss in my life and in the third year was finding out who I am and what the next step for me would be. After three and a half years I am okay with being single if this is God's Will for me.
Reality bites. And the hurt does heal.
I have done a 20-year plan from 2013 and it will be a road map for me
and my kids. My potential soulmate if she arrives then a revision will be
made after our honest and elaborate discussion. Love conquers all and
I trust that God has a plan for me but I submit my plan for His approval.
So unless it way off His blueprint, I think He would approve it.
That's my route to being single at the moment.
It's a half-full cup waiting.
I have been widowed 2 years and 2 months.
When I stay with the Lord I am strong and filled with faith, hope and joy, trusting myself to His care...(often I will repeat to myself, "With You Lord, I can do all things." or "You are God, You can do anything...everything is possible." I thank God for every little accomplishment and every item/experience as personal gifts from Him. I will numerously repeat simply, "God I need Your help." ...usually when I am rushing and running late...Erine use to help me get ready for work.
When I wondered in selfness, it became burdensome filled with many past regrets and some worries of present responsibilities. This occured mostly within the 1st year, along with much pain.
Although I missed Ernie the 1st. year; the 1st 3/4 of the 2nd year I missed him more...our life together...he was always there for me and my family.
From day one, I offered everything for Ernie: Beginning with prayers, my pain, tears, regrets, my responsibilities that I now do alone (cooking, cleaning, walking the dogs, etc.) This is what was left & all I had to offer him. The good memories and laughter was there, but in the backgrouned. Although, I didn't stop enjoying others and life when I was at work and church or with family and friends. My grieving was alone/private and between me and God and Ernie. I had very little time for grieving.
This spring I am going to focus rebuilding my flowers beds, they were much neglected. My home too will be organized and simplyfied. This coming winter I will begin playing the piano again.
I am now comfortable with singleness and ready to tackle any challenges. I depend on God and He knows what I need and will provide...I only need to cling to Him with unwavering faith, trust and hope. I am O.K. either way...I surrender my preference to God.
This site has helped me in that I had many opportunities to reflect on many good topics and get to know myself better and what God wants of me. Also I was happy to join the many prayer requests. I have let my subscription renewal go...it will be up end of April I believe. I will continue on the forums till then and will be keeping you all in prayer.