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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Some think that we can have a civil and charitable conversation about the important issue of chastity in this room. I said I would put something up and see if that is indeed possible!

So, what is your best piece of advice to an adult trying to live a chaste and pure life?

"More souls go to Hell because of sins of the flesh than for any other reason. " --Our Lady to the children at Fatima

How can we as adult (not teenaged) Catholics help ourselves to save our souls from the sins of impurity?

I will go first:

Wear on your person a blessed sacramental at all times. The miraculous medal, the brown scapular, a crucifix (not a cross, a crucifix). Wear it always, not taking it off for anything. There is grace and power in sacramentals, and it is a physical reminder of to Whom you belong, and Who has given you this body, and Who dwells within you.

If you are tempted, you will have to, as an act of your will, physiclaly remove this sacramental if you are to proceed with whatever you were going to do. It will be a physical sign that you are separating yourself from God, that you are doing it willingly, with full knowledge. That's enough to give you pause and a chance to change your mind.

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03/17/2013 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: Some think that we can have a civil and charitable conversation about the important issue of chastity...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

Some think that we can have a civil and charitable conversation about the important issue of chastity in this room. I said I would put something up and see if that is indeed possible!

So, what is your best piece of advice to an adult trying to live a chaste and pure life?

"More souls go to Hell because of sins of the flesh than for any other reason. " --Our Lady to the children at Fatima

How can we as adult (not teenaged) Catholics help ourselves to save our souls from the sins of impurity?

I will go first:

Wear on your person a blessed sacramental at all times. The miraculous medal, the brown scapular, a crucifix (not a cross, a crucifix). Wear it always, not taking it off for anything. There is grace and power in sacramentals, and it is a physical reminder of to Whom you belong, and Who has given you this body, and Who dwells within you.

If you are tempted, you will have to, as an act of your will, physiclaly remove this sacramental if you are to proceed with whatever you were going to do. It will be a physical sign that you are separating yourself from God, that you are doing it willingly, with full knowledge. That's enough to give you pause and a chance to change your mind.

--hide--

Just to offer another perspective: In the Inferno, Dante places sins of the flesh at one of the higher levels of hell. He describes lust in it's most basic form (ie, when it's not complicated by more serious sins like treachery and cruelty) as a sort of incontinence, or involuntary loss of control. Dante reserves the lowest levels of hell for sins involving maliciousness, cruelty, and betrayal.


Now, I don't fully agree with this because this view of sexual sin because it seems to negate (or at least diminish) the role of free will and self-control we are able muster through new life in Christ. It seems to reduce the sexual aspect of our persons to mere animal instict.


Anyways, I do not seek to mitigate the importance of chastity in chiming in with some Dante. Just wanted to share what came to my mind when I read your post, Pat. Your advice is solid. I don't have better advice to offer than what you have already contributed.

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03/17/2013 new

Focus on what you want to accomplish. If you are Catholic and you are on a dating site marriage better be in your future, or at least you should desire it. You really shouldn't be here to see how many people you can meet, how much money you can get or other things.

People are attracted to confidence. Be confident about all aspects of yourself. Respect yourself. Demand that respect from your date. Give that respect to your date.

After you are married most of your life will be spent not having sex. So, spend the time you have before you are married figuring out if you want to be around the person. Find out about their faith, their finances, the kids. It is a long list. Find out if they can cook. Take those walks holding hands, go to dinner and a movie. Do stuff together. Prove to one another that you love each other.

Talk about sex. Be honest, I dare you. Most of you will never have a relationship where you can talk about sex, even after you have been married 5 years. Talk about it and decide if this person is being honest. You have to be clever here. You need to evaluate the honesty of your date continuously, your spouse too, for that matter, and people lie alot about sex. If dumb dumb agrees with you about not having sex before marriage and then is always doing things that seem to scream sex are they being honest? Do you want to live the rest of your life with them? You can use sex to learn alot about someone without having sex.

Finally, there is always the concern about will we be sexually compatible, will I be good enough, will my date be good enough. Will my date laugh when I get naked. How can you be confident and have these thoughts? How can you respect yourself? If you seriously doubt your ability to please someone sexually you should really get that fixed before you join this site.

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03/17/2013 new

I would tell adults to acknowledge their desire for sexual expression. Then I would tell them to Actively be about the business of making friends and dating and actively searching for a spouse. I would tell men to let that natural desire help him keep on track with this goal? Am I wrong? I would tell women to acknowledge and search.


When we give our energy over to something else we might lose impetus toward the goal. We might even stop looking. Don't do that.

So we should not discharge our energy in such a way as to lose the impetus toward this goal.
Is this too honest of me? Is this too shallow?

Certainly we are seeking a spiritual person of good character.

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03/17/2013 new

My best piece of advice is still to come in this thread, A little bit later.

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03/17/2013 new

I don't think the seriousness of sexual sin is negated in his view - these people are still in hell... and no matter what level, what is about as undesirable as it gets.


I think he's speaking to the fact that this sin is as "natural" as it gets. The disorder of it is in its application outside of the correct context, rather than the action or intent itself.

All the more reason to live with vigilance... and some of the other advice in this thread, while keeping it in the proper perspective.

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03/18/2013 new

(Quote) Matthew-924537 said: I don't think the seriousness of sexual sin is negated in his view - these people are still...
(Quote) Matthew-924537 said:

I don't think the seriousness of sexual sin is negated in his view - these people are still in hell... and no matter what level, what is about as undesirable as it gets.


I think he's speaking to the fact that this sin is as "natural" as it gets. The disorder of it is in its application outside of the correct context, rather than the action or intent itself.

All the more reason to live with vigilance... and some of the other advice in this thread, while keeping it in the proper perspective.

--hide--



I think we have to pay close attention to the Liturgy of the Word that we had in Mass today and how Jesus forgave the woman who was caught in and accused of adultery. Lets not miss out on the importance and centrality of the forgiveness the Lord offers all of us.. The heart of Chastity is in not just about trying to avoid hell.

It is about loving and what we do in the positive realm and how we choose to take responsibility for loving others. theheart

It may be a motivator for some to try to avoid hell, but God asks us to take responsibility for our lives and live it in accordance with His will and well.

We need to acknowledge it, acknowledge the suffering of it and grow from it, resolving to live appropriately as He calls us to follow Him.

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03/18/2013 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said: I would tell adults to acknowledge their desire for sexual expression. Then I would tell them to ...
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:

I would tell adults to acknowledge their desire for sexual expression. Then I would tell them to Actively be about the business of making friends and dating and actively searching for a spouse. I would tell men to let that natural desire help him keep on track with this goal? Am I wrong? I would tell women to acknowledge and search.

--hide--

I think those who marry, with the PRIMARY goal of having a regular sex partner, might windup in an unhappy marriage?

LOCKED
03/18/2013 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: Some think that we can have a civil and charitable conversation about the important issue of chastity...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

Some think that we can have a civil and charitable conversation about the important issue of chastity in this room. I said I would put something up and see if that is indeed possible!

So, what is your best piece of advice to an adult trying to live a chaste and pure life?

"More souls go to Hell because of sins of the flesh than for any other reason. " --Our Lady to the children at Fatima

How can we as adult (not teenaged) Catholics help ourselves to save our souls from the sins of impurity?

I will go first:

Wear on your person a blessed sacramental at all times. The miraculous medal, the brown scapular, a crucifix (not a cross, a crucifix). Wear it always, not taking it off for anything. There is grace and power in sacramentals, and it is a physical reminder of to Whom you belong, and Who has given you this body, and Who dwells within you.

If you are tempted, you will have to, as an act of your will, physiclaly remove this sacramental if you are to proceed with whatever you were going to do. It will be a physical sign that you are separating yourself from God, that you are doing it willingly, with full knowledge. That's enough to give you pause and a chance to change your mind.

--hide--



Hi Pat! I think living a chaste life as an adult also includes the places that we go, the things that we do, the people that we see, and the programs that we watch. In my opinion, chastity is a lifestyle and encompasses more than just not engaging in the act(s) of sex. I do have to say, though, that the brown scapular would make me think twice, especially if I were undressing in front of a mirror! Chelle

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03/18/2013 new

(Quote) Bob-59786 said: (Quote) Marian-83994 said: I would tell adults to acknowledge their desire fo...
(Quote) Bob-59786 said:

Quote:
Marian-83994 said:

I would tell adults to acknowledge their desire for sexual expression. Then I would tell them to Actively be about the business of making friends and dating and actively searching for a spouse. I would tell men to let that natural desire help him keep on track with this goal? Am I wrong? I would tell women to acknowledge and search.


I think those who marry, with the PRIMARY goal of having a regular sex partner, might windup in an unhappy marriage?

--hide--


I agree, but people who deny the desire they feel and fail to harness it in some way can get sidetracked. People have to admit where they are and use reason to bring things into alignment. They have to be willing to examine if they can like and love a person. I never said people should get married for sex. I just think people lie to themselves, fool around and waste time.

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