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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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I can be the quiet type a lot of the time, and on occasion I struggle for things to talk about when I meet women. Any suggestions for becoming a better conversationalist?

Part of my problem is that I'm a thinker. Most women I meet probably aren't. What are some ideas for helping me to broaden my conversation?
Mar 18th 2013 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: 1. I can be the quiet type a lot of the time, and on occasion I struggle for things to talk a...
(Quote) John-220051 said:


1. I can be the quiet type a lot of the time, and on occasion I struggle for things to talk about when I meet women. Any suggestions for becoming a better conversationalist?

2. Part of my problem is that I'm a thinker. Most women I meet probably aren't. What are some ideas for helping me to broaden my conversation?

--hide--

I numbered your points above to address each in my repsonse below.


1. Ask her questions about herself then sit back and listen attentively. Ask follow up questions. many women complain that men don't listen to them and that we talk about ourselves. Do this instead and she'll think you're a BRILLIANT conversationalist.


2. Look at the attitude in item 2 above. You're a thinker and she's not?? Time to retool. How can you say such a demeaning thing? It's more likely that you're caught up in your own head and your own ego to such an extent that her inability or unwillingness to acknowledge the depth of your brilliance is a problem for you. Instead, try to begin with the assumption that everyone has something worthwhile to teach you. Come to believe this and you'll be surprised at how well your conversations go.




Mar 18th 2013 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: Part of my problem is that I'm a thinker. Most women I meet probably aren't.
(Quote) John-220051 said: Part of my problem is that I'm a thinker. Most women I meet probably aren't.
--hide--


First of all, put on your asbestos underwear, mate, because you are going to get flamed for that! flamed

Second, if that is your impression, you aren't meeting the right kind of women for you. Put in your profile that you want someone who is a deep thinker...that'll scare away the ditzes.

Third, the easiest way to make conversation is: ASK QUESTIONS.

You will be surprised how many men will talk with a gal on the phone for an hour or more and when they hang up, she says, "He didn't ask me a single question about myself!"

Does she play board games? Collect things? Like museums? Travel? How about them Red Sox? Ever go fishing -- how did you like it? What do you think of Linked-In? Tell me about your childhood. Do you have a pet? What do you think is the biggest problem facing the next generation? Do you think there's life on other planets? What's the future of North Korea? Which interests or inspires you more: Thomas Aquinas, Aristotle, or Freud? tongue

Just don't make it an interrogation (she wants to hear your views on these things, too) and don't ask personal questions until you have known each other for a while, or unless she raises the topic.

Mar 18th 2013 new

(Quote) David-364112 said:You're a thinker and she's not?? Time to retool.
(Quote) David-364112 said:You're a thinker and she's not?? Time to retool.
--hide--

Let me tell you a story that happened some years ago. A male friend told me, I keep meeting with all these local CM girls and nothing is clicking between us. What's wrong?" I looked at their profiles and you know what? Every single girl was a blonde with lots of heavy eyeliner. All their personalities and backgrounds were different -- and not one of them had any interests or goals in common with him.

He was contacting them on the basis of their looks and had never bothered to read beyond their pictures. Are you contacting women whose profiles show you some commonality of education, upbringing, hobbies, ambitions?

Mar 18th 2013 new
(Quote) John-220051 said: I can be the quiet type a lot of the time, and on occasion I struggle for things to talk about when I meet women. A...
(Quote) John-220051 said: I can be the quiet type a lot of the time, and on occasion I struggle for things to talk about when I meet women. Any suggestions for becoming a better conversationalist?

Part of my problem is that I'm a thinker. Most women I meet probably aren't. What are some ideas for helping me to broaden my conversation?
--hide--
John, I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you didn't mean we women aren't thinkers, but rather recognize our abilityntomthink is sometimes best accomplished by talking! I have a problem at work when I'm consulted and I start talking and then I'm asked to write that down. Oops, it's out there, no longer in my grey matter, and I have to reconstruct at my computer. I actually with some people would say ... Are you writing this down... I agree with David and Marge though to ask questions, or follow up on something we said. There is a bit of awkwardness with silence. Sometimes that's ok, as long as it gives you the chance to come up with a brilliant transition to a new topic. Maybe you are thinking about how you will come across, rather than just showing yourself off (humbly of course). I also used to go to lunch with some co workers, and one of the men that would join us said "umm couldmyounraise your hand when you gals change the subject". To which we all laughed, with the lightheartedness the comment was made and yet dep insight as well. The change in topic was perfectly clear to the gals while this man was trying to figure the connection. LOL.
Mar 18th 2013 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: I can be the quiet type a lot of the time, and on occasion I struggle for things to talk about when I mee...
(Quote) John-220051 said: I can be the quiet type a lot of the time, and on occasion I struggle for things to talk about when I meet women. Any suggestions for becoming a better conversationalist?

Part of my problem is that I'm a thinker. Most women I meet probably aren't. What are some ideas for helping me to broaden my conversation?
--hide--
OUCH! I am very much the quiet type, as I have a lot going on in my head and sometimes it's a struggle to put those quicksilver thoughts into words. However, when I am with someone else, I know that, to be loving, I need to get out of myself and engage him/her in conversation--show that my attention is on them rather than on myself. And I end up asking questions to show that interest and love, and sometimes sharing my thoughts/experiences in return, as I do wish to be known as well.

Mar 18th 2013 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: I numbered your points above to address each in my repsonse below. 1. Ask her...
(Quote) David-364112 said:

I numbered your points above to address each in my repsonse below.


1. Ask her questions about herself then sit back and listen attentively. Ask follow up questions. many women complain that men don't listen to them and that we talk about ourselves. Do this instead and she'll think you're a BRILLIANT conversationalist.


2. Look at the attitude in item 2 above. You're a thinker and she's not?? Time to retool. How can you say such a demeaning thing? It's more likely that you're caught up in your own head and your own ego to such an extent that her inability or unwillingness to acknowledge the depth of your brilliance is a problem for you. Instead, try to begin with the assumption that everyone has something worthwhile to teach you. Come to believe this and you'll be surprised at how well your conversations go.




--hide--
It's all very simple, John. Just read and heed what David said. biggrin clap clap clap

Mar 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: First of all, put on your asbestos underwear, mate, because you are going to get flamed f...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:



First of all, put on your asbestos underwear, mate, because you are going to get flamed for that!

Second, if that is your impression, you aren't meeting the right kind of women for you. Put in your profile that you want someone who is a deep thinker...that'll scare away the ditzes.

Third, the easiest way to make conversation is: ASK QUESTIONS.

You will be surprised how many men will talk with a gal on the phone for an hour or more and when they hang up, she says, "He didn't ask me a single question about myself!"

Does she play board games? Collect things? Like museums? Travel? How about them Red Sox? Ever go fishing -- how did you like it? What do you think of Linked-In? Tell me about your childhood. Do you have a pet? What do you think is the biggest problem facing the next generation? Do you think there's life on other planets? What's the future of North Korea? Which interests or inspires you more: Thomas Aquinas, Aristotle, or Freud?

Just don't make it an interrogation (she wants to hear your views on these things, too) and don't ask personal questions until you have known each other for a while, or unless she raises the topic.

--hide--
Very practical suggestions, Marge.

It serves as a reminder to John that it's not all about him, it's about the lady he's with.

Men should feel honored by the presence of their dates and act accordingly.

Mar 18th 2013 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: I can be the quiet type a lot of the time, and on occasion I struggle for things to talk about when I mee...
(Quote) John-220051 said: I can be the quiet type a lot of the time, and on occasion I struggle for things to talk about when I meet women. Any suggestions for becoming a better conversationalist?

Part of my problem is that I'm a thinker. Most women I meet probably aren't. What are some ideas for helping me to broaden my conversation?
--hide--
I've been known to have problems keeping my yap shut so this is usually not a problem for me, but I can absolutely understand your perspective. Instead of struggling to find topics to talk about, which is exactly the kind of situation where you can go into a mental lock-down, ask yourself if this is a person you are truly interested to get to know. If you are, ask the questions you deem necessary to probe her as a person. By attacking from this angle I think the conversation will go automatically.

Mar 18th 2013 new
(Quote) Elizabeth-929069 said: John, I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you didn't mean we women aren't thinkers, ...
(Quote) Elizabeth-929069 said: John,

I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you didn't mean we women aren't thinkers, but rather recognize our abilityntomthink is sometimes best accomplished by talking! I have a problem at work when I'm consulted and I start talking and then I'm asked to write that down. Oops, it's out there, no longer in my grey matter, and I have to reconstruct at my computer. I actually with some people would say ... Are you writing this down...

I agree with David and Marge though to ask questions, or follow up on something we said. There is a bit of awkwardness with silence. Sometimes that's ok, as long as it gives you the chance to come up with a brilliant transition to a new topic. Maybe you are thinking about how you will come across, rather than just showing yourself off (humbly of course).

I also used to go to lunch with some co workers, and one of the men that would join us said "umm couldmyounraise your hand when you gals change the subject". To which we all laughed, with the lightheartedness the comment was made and yet dep insight as well. The change in topic was perfectly clear to the gals while this man was trying to figure the connection. LOL.
--hide--


I didn't say women aren't thinkers. It's just that I tend to read a lot of things that are rather bookish for lack of a better term. I'm trying to broaden my conversation beyond deep intellectual pursuits.
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