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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
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Single forever

Mar 18th 2013 new

Hi everyone,
It's been 7 yrs since my divorce (and only 1 year since the annulment came through!) and I've not dated in 4 years. WoW! So here I am on this site because I'm so disconnected from the world except for my work life. I love mass but it seems that Catholics have a dutiful prayer-filled liturgical celebration and then go back to "secular" living... I mean, we're not like protestants who have "fellowships" and things like that. And I'm not an outgoing person so I tiptoe around those "fellowships" anyway, but somehow I became a part of the church community. It's disturbing to me that I've had a better sense of community in protestant churches I've been a part of than in my "home" Church (Catholocism). So, I've thought about starting something (catholic meetup)...but I don't feel "rooted" to the area because, well, I just don't! I'm feeling very discouraged these days- feeling no sense of community after having left the protestant church community I was actively a part of in Philadelphia. Is anyone finding anybody on this site, really?? Sorry to whine... I've just got no sounding board; that's what happens when you keep moving away from your friends and never get rooted again after divorce. Please pray for me: for the discernment of where to put down roots, for peace in this singleness, and for the formation of friendships. Thanks.

Mar 18th 2013 new
I feel the same way, you're not alone.
Mar 19th 2013 new

Michelle,

You certainly are NOT alone in feeling like this! I've been divorced since 1998, got my annulment a couple of years later. Haven't dated much at all. I was part of a loving Catholic community for 30 years! Then I moved half way across the country to be a little closer to family & to escape the cold & snow. In Indianapolis I was very active in divorce ministry & that kept me very busy. I had hoped to get involved with the ministry once I moved here but that hasn't happened yet. It's been pretty slow going to get involved because I don't have a job or kids -- those are pretty natural "ins" for newcomers to an area. I joined CM last spring & did meet a guy with whom I'm getting along pretty well but he just wants to be friends. That's ok.

So feeling as if you are "single forever" or as if you may be destined to be single forever--you're still young & have a lot of opportunities open to you--you just have to keep your eyes & ears open & then try to participate. Is there some kind of divorce support group in your area? young Catholic singles? retreats? ministries? I'm an introvert, but the Lord gave me the wherewithall to get a support group going!

I would even investigate the opportunites for singles that other denominations might offer. Back home, one of the largest Methodist had a very active singles group that offered all kinds of programs on a weekly basis. Just get out there & explore!

Check out the nacsdc.com website to see if there is anything going on in your location for people who are divorced.

I'm ever so much older than you, missing my longtime friends, but I'm not throwing in the towel. Keep praying for the Holy Spirit's inspiration & direction.

Mar 19th 2013 new

I am an extrovert, so I find it easy to join groups and go right up to talk with people. That being said, I too have found that my protestant friends' churches seem to have more going on for families, singles, and other groups. I am in a huge parish, so it is easy for newcomers to get lost in the crowd. We have around 2800 families. Recently, our parish priest retired. Our new priest got right down to business and started bringing our community closer. I can't tell you the amount of things we now can join. Sometimes it takes the right leadership to get a parish motivated.

You may also want to explore teaching children's catechism or whatever your parish calls it. You do not need to be a lead teacher. Volunteers can be assistants. I met a lot of families, grandparents, single parents, and other teachers through classes. It usually requires a bit of your time, you need to take the Virtus training to protect kids. It is so worth it. The classes are usually an hour, once a week. If you do it for a few years, you get to know a lot of people.


Here is what I have found helpful. I was not always an extrovert and now am able to get up in front of crowds and speak, as well as walk into a room of strangers and come out with some friends or at least acquaintances. I don't know if a list is better, but here it goes...


A smile goes a long way. If you practice wearing a smile often, it will come naturally to you. Reach out and say something nice to at least one stranger, every day. I started this and now I talk with everyone. The best thing is to look at someone and see something you like, then comment on it. "I like your jacket...", anything that comes to mind. Just take the first step and it gets easier. After you have done it for a bit it will be very natural.

Volunteer with the Salvation Army or something that interests you. I can't tell you how many times I felt alone and went out to find out how I can help someone else. I love the way it made me feel. For instance, this last Christmas, my ex-husband had our boys for Christmas day. I decided to deliver food to shut ins for the Salvation Army. It was incredible. Since then, I have volunteered for more events and at one, met a bunch of people, cooked a lot of omelets, and showed my youngest son the gift of volunteering. (There is a proud mom picture in my profile.) This has really been a blessing to me, as I have met many people.

I promise, there is an event going on somewhere in your city where volunteers are needed, every week.

I reach out to most people that message me on the site. Maybe it is just to say, thank you. Most of the time it has developed into nice communications. If I like something I read about someone, I let the person know. It may start a conversation and it may not. Either way, most people appreciate a "like", regardless who it is from. If the person never gets back with me, I know I still made a positive impact on his/her day.


If I sound preachy, I do not mean to be. I genuinely want people to find happiness. I hope something in my post, helps.


Jeanine

Mar 22nd 2013 new

I too am an extrovert, always finding a "cause" to join and support. I have had no problem with men who find me interesting, however I am so busy with all of my "causes" that I don't have time to "date". So I sit at my kids' activities alone, feeling lonely. At least I am there, their dad has "exited" from their lives so I am their only parent support. The other parents acknowledge my presence, but they have their spouse to converse with. I don't want the constant "togetherness" of a relationship (yet?), but just want somebody to converse with when there are mainly couples.


I would have to agree with the "getting" out there suggestion. Join a cause like Habitat for Humanity and help build houses ect. I love my freedom and am in no hurry to give it up.

Mar 22nd 2013 new

Hey Michelle,

I have pretty much the same timeline you do, (not withstanding the 20 years difference in age LOL). I used to belong to a "ROCKIN" parish with a lot of men my age, both single and married, where we had a terrific bond and fellowship. I moved away and have struggled to find the same sense of brotherhood since.

But, there are a lot of practical things that you can do. One suggestion is to find the Pro-Life group in your parish or in your area. These people are almost always engaged in Parish Activities. Along those same lines, look at the parish bulletin or check with the parish office on what ministries there are in the parish. There's got to be tons to do.

Another great thing to do is a Bible Study. If they don't have one, it might be time for you to do. Or Eucharistic adoration.

If nothing else, go to the Pastor, tell him you are bored and ask him what he needs done around the parish. I did that twice. Once, the Pastor said he'd think about it and never got back to me. So, a month later I went to a parish 5 miles down the road (as opposed to the one across the street where they didn't need me) and he told me he needed a youth minister. So, for the next two years I was the youth minister. Something about the saying God qualifies the unqualified.

Bottom line is that you need to be pro-active. There are people out there who live in "community" so to speak. But, probably my best suggestion would be to find the Pro-Life group in your area. They are usually very committed.

God Bless,

Will

Apr 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Michelle-880992 said: Hi everyone,It's been 7 yrs since my divorce (and only 1 year since the annulment came...
(Quote) Michelle-880992 said:

Hi everyone,
It's been 7 yrs since my divorce (and only 1 year since the annulment came through!) and I've not dated in 4 years. WoW! So here I am on this site because I'm so disconnected from the world except for my work life. I love mass but it seems that Catholics have a dutiful prayer-filled liturgical celebration and then go back to "secular" living... I mean, we're not like protestants who have "fellowships" and things like that. And I'm not an outgoing person so I tiptoe around those "fellowships" anyway, but somehow I became a part of the church community. It's disturbing to me that I've had a better sense of community in protestant churches I've been a part of than in my "home" Church (Catholocism). So, I've thought about starting something (catholic meetup)...but I don't feel "rooted" to the area because, well, I just don't! I'm feeling very discouraged these days- feeling no sense of community after having left the protestant church community I was actively a part of in Philadelphia. Is anyone finding anybody on this site, really?? Sorry to whine... I've just got no sounding board; that's what happens when you keep moving away from your friends and never get rooted again after divorce. Please pray for me: for the discernment of where to put down roots, for peace in this singleness, and for the formation of friendships. Thanks.

--hide--

I feel the same way. And, there are so FEW good Catholic women of marrying age in Catholic churches. They're already married. It isn't fair. Marry young and hope for the best?

OK. Enough of that negative thinking. There is someone WONDERFUL out there for each of us. Some man or woman somewhere, who is Catholic, who was in an abusive marriage and found his or her way free with the graces of our Church. Prayers for all that each of us will find our lifelong mate.

Agree that the Church does not make it easy, and should work to do more for people who wait to marry or for those of us who are divorced and seek a Catholic spouse. But let's count our blessings... of which this site is one.

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