Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

Feb 10th 2013 new
(Quote) Cynthia-838348 said: Since becoming a widow, almost 5 years ago, I have met some truely wonderful and supportive people. ...
(Quote) Cynthia-838348 said:

Since becoming a widow, almost 5 years ago, I have met some truely wonderful and supportive people.

However, I've also met some genuine disgusting types who must think that my pants are burning off. This has led to some of the nastiest / gross come ons and facial expressions from people that a few years ago I would have punched if they had suggested something like that to my face. Now I just feel profoundly sorry for these pathetic individuals. Is anyone else having to deal with unwanted attractions, just because they are widowed? If so how do you stop it, because quite frankly, my husband would have instructed me to keep the thumb to the outside and continue hitting until they were on the ground. A broken jaw, prevents broken language.

--hide--


I am so sorry for all of you. I've read through the thread and your experiences are horrible. I am not a widow so please don't be offended that I write. My mother is a widow and she experienced the same thing. To make matters worse, it started while my father was still alive and gravely ill from cancer. I don't understand the vile things people do.
Feb 10th 2013 new
I mean I am sorry for all of your experiences.
Feb 10th 2013 new
(Quote) Cynthia-838348 said: Since becoming a widow, almost 5 years ago, I have met some truely wonderful and supportive people. ...
(Quote) Cynthia-838348 said:

Since becoming a widow, almost 5 years ago, I have met some truely wonderful and supportive people.

However, I've also met some genuine disgusting types who must think that my pants are burning off. This has led to some of the nastiest / gross come ons and facial expressions from people that a few years ago I would have punched if they had suggested something like that to my face. Now I just feel profoundly sorry for these pathetic individuals. Is anyone else having to deal with unwanted attractions, just because they are widowed? If so how do you stop it, because quite frankly, my husband would have instructed me to keep the thumb to the outside and continue hitting until they were on the ground. A broken jaw, prevents broken language.

--hide--


It happened to my mom by a mutual "friend" after my father passed away.

I agree with your husband, maybe if they walk away with a black eye and bloodied lip they won't be so quick to do it to another widow!
Feb 12th 2013 new

I was 36 when my wife died. We sort of expect to be married for 50 or 60 or 70 years. But, when your spouse dies after 60 years I think it hurts just as much.

I am all for not having sex till I am married, that is the Catholic thing to do. So, is there more to it? Somethings to consider:

If you date someone for a long time, years, and don't have sex, or be very affectionate it is a very valid question to ask why. If you meet this person you love why are you not married? There just isn't a very good reason. You can say you want to get to know the other person, but if you haven't gotten to know them in a year you are not trying very hard. Your relationship is not very important, move on.

There is a very real possibility your date is getting all the sex they want somewhere else. If you are out on a date witth this person, and you like them, how do you compete with the other person? Don't feel like you have lost because the person is getting sex someplace else. If you are a widow, or widower, and had a good marriage think about the things from your marriage that made it good. Hopefully there was more than sex. If you bring the things that made your marriage wonderful to a dating relationship you will WIN.

Just because you are not having sex it is ok to be very affectionate. Relationships need to have boundaries. Your relationship should establish boundaries about sex. You have to establish your boundaries through conversation and learning what you like and don't like. Be willing to talk and to love. Perhaps accept the fact that you date likes to hold you close, like to be close to you. Have your date accept the fact that you would rather keep your clothes on.

Structure your date so sex cannot just happen. Meet at a movie, then go home in your own car.

Try to be honest with yourself and with the person you are dating. How much do you want to have sex with them? How much do they want to have sex with you? If you don't have sex till you are married make sure you both are aware of how much sex you want and what sort of things you expect to do. It is not sinful to tell your date that you want to have sex in your tent camping on the beach. At my age, I might have problems with that.

As a Catholic you must provide leadership to your relationship. You have your beliefs, you get to live by them. If your beliefs make you stay single for the rest of your life then you need to decide. Accept being single, or revise your beliefs. I think two people can abstain whlle dating for 6 months, maybe a year. I know of no Church teaching that encourages a couple to date for longer than a year, or a month for that matter, before getting married. But, if you are dating someone you are really in love with you will, or should have the desire for sex. To continue the relationship indefinitely without sex, and the prior marriage, is a tempation to sin and should be avoided.

I am single because women don't have the understanding and confidence to love me without using their body. As an example, I had a girlfriend named Linda. When going to a party with my son, at his house, I took Linda. After we broke up, Linda dated somebody else and he didn't invite her to a party with his family. She dumped his sorry butt.

You will still meet people that just want sex. I hope you want sex too, but in the right way and circumstances. Let your Divine nature shine. Show the person you go out with interest and good manners. Smell good and don't cuss. Be respectful of them and their life. Even if you never see them again, make your time together good for you and hopefully them. Imagine you were Jesus talking to this person. What would you do? What would you say? Don't you know you were Jesus' voice many times in your marriage. Can you do that again, why not?

Feb 15th 2013 new

I wish some would have couched some of the things I have been asked, even on first dates. I've been asked how many dates do they have to pay for before they get laid. That sure was upfront. I've been told widows know how to fulfill a man and would I show them how I fulfilled my husband. What ever happened to getting to know someone?

Feb 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Lois-880877 said: I wish some would have couched some of the things I have been asked, even on first dates. I've...
(Quote) Lois-880877 said:

I wish some would have couched some of the things I have been asked, even on first dates. I've been asked how many dates do they have to pay for before they get laid. That sure was upfront. I've been told widows know how to fulfill a man and would I show them how I fulfilled my husband. What ever happened to getting to know someone?

--hide--

Extremely sad, but not all men are like that.

Feb 22nd 2013 new

The above has happened to me...even at the wake of my husband and the day of the funeral mass. And almost constantly since, it's exhausting. I think that evil just tries to rear it's ugly head and pushes through and hopes we will be vulnerable, and give in. I was bothered even by women asking me when I would be out there again. And mean comments about me "not gettin any" I finally said..how do you know I am not "gettin any" ?! that shut them up right quick.

If you gals underground post ,will you also let me know please? Thanks, Jane

Mar 12th 2013 new

Sorry for the women who had to endure the roughness and stupidity of men.

It sures give the men a bad rep.

God, Love & Faith would bond a relationship tight with a strong commitment.

A good Catholic man with these words inscribed in his DNA would not have done

those awful getures to women.

It takes all sorts to make the world and Jesus didn't take his iPad and review his checklist

when he was getting nailed to the Cross.

Forgive and I am certain God will provide you with rainbows in the midst of the storms in life.

Mar 21st 2013 new


Ah yes. life seems to be what you make it and you must deal with it as ladies and gentlemen. Women learn to laugh and accept silliness in nervous men who sometimes lack manners, early in life. After being a widow for two years I came out of my cocoon and found interesting friendships and welcome a bit of "forwardness" as a compliment and laugh with the "issuer" and take it in stride for what it is. It is great to be alive and well enough to make good judgements and accept these times and not creep back into despair and darkness. Certainly, it is not all welcome: but it is great to know I am thought of as alive. Take these remarks in stride and move gracefully through them instead of rebelling and complaining. You will find your own stride in time. Life is what you make it.

Mar 22nd 2013 new

(Quote) Lois-880877 said: I wish some would have couched some of the things I have been asked, even on first dates. I've...
(Quote) Lois-880877 said:

I wish some would have couched some of the things I have been asked, even on first dates. I've been asked how many dates do they have to pay for before they get laid. That sure was upfront. I've been told widows know how to fulfill a man and would I show them how I fulfilled my husband. What ever happened to getting to know someone?

--hide--


Those comments are not about getting to know someone. They are about the belief in some men that they are entitled to sex once they have expended money on the woman. IE, the belief that sex is something that a man "gets" when he has "given" sufficiently, not that sex is a God given gift that two people give to each other out of love. By those comments we know that these are people we dont want to get to know, in fact we know them as well as we need to by those comments alone.

Posts 31 - 40 of 42