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A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

How ladies think!

Mar 26th 2013 new
I was surfing the internet and stopped by these two quotes

-Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

-Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Do you agree?

I personally think differently. Your thoughts?

TKC rose

Therese
Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Therese-668052 said: I was surfing the internet and stopped by these two quotes -Never let a man know everything. H...
(Quote) Therese-668052 said: I was surfing the internet and stopped by these two quotes

-Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

-Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Do you agree?

I personally think differently. Your thoughts?

TKC

Therese
--hide--

Unfortunately, sweetie, I have found these quotes to be only too true. When you start telling a man your fears or hopes, he can (and usually does) use it against you at some point, usually during an argument. Something that you told him in confidence because you felt he was your friend can come back to you and hurt you more than you ever thought possible.

Also, yes, if a man knows you're sitting around on a figurative shelf waiting for him, when you aren't even an exclusive couple, he'll take you for granted. So make sure that you continue to make plans for your life, just as you always did when you weren't seeing anyone. It's a way of reminding you both that you're a woman is confident in who she is, and that whether or not he's part of your future, your life will go on.

When a man goes beyond these two quotes, well then, sweetheart, you've found the one God set aside for you. :)

Mar 26th 2013 new

Three thoughts come to mind.

1. How ladies think: they don't! duck

2. My mother used to say, "He doesn't need to know everything." I don't think the average man will use knowledge against you...but it's unkind to reveal things that, while dead issues, can still be hurtful. (Example: Your mother is dead, and you tell him, "You know, she never liked you.")

3. Making him miss you is a smart move during the courting period. But once you have a commitment (engagement) you have the responsibility to be there FOR EACH OTHER. If he can't count on you, he'll look for someone he can count on.

Mar 26th 2013 new

I agree, Marge, that the having him miss you part should only be during the courting stage! Once there's an understanding and an engagement, then absolutely, the two should be able to call each other back and forth, be each other's comfort and back-up if need be, no matter the time or the situation. biggrin

Mar 26th 2013 new

Great advice, Marge! I think #3 might be a hard line to walk though. Might not some men be looking for someone who will be there, and if we women are cool on that point prior to a commitment, wouldn't that make the man feel uncomfortable about making a commitment because he hasn't seen that level of involvement from the woman? Obviously a bit of truth from both sides would work wonders for figuring that out, but both men and women have the same problem about being absolutely honest, since both are afraid of revealing too much and getting hurt. Might I just have a moment to wish that society hadn't made relationships so complicated lol?

Mar 26th 2013 new

I agree partially. It would be nice for a man to miss having a woman around; I think that's a sign that he is serious about her. But I really think it should be limited to a physical absence (not intimate physical, just physical). I feel like if the man is experiencing an emotional absence, and doesn't reach out to the woman during troubles or doesn't feel comfortable or that it's appropriate to confide in her, how does that bode well for a marriage? My thinking is that both sides should be able to share, should be building trust in each other throughout courting so that they can enter an engagement and marriage with confidence. After all, what is to stop each side from continuing to confide in others post-marriage rather than confiding in their spouse? Granted, it's a conscious decision, but what happens the first time one side or another has something serious to confide and they suddenly realize that the other side doesn't have empathy, or doesn't want to hear, or can't keep a confidence? Hopefully this would all occur pre-marriage so at least the engagement could be broken, but no matter when, there will be a lot of hurt feelings and disappointment, and it's very hard to stay in a good place and not let those feelings turn to bitterness.

Mar 26th 2013 new
(Quote) Therese-668052 said: I was surfing the internet and stopped by these two quotes -Never let a man know everything. He ...
(Quote) Therese-668052 said: I was surfing the internet and stopped by these two quotes



-Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.



-Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.



Do you agree?



I personally think differently. Your thoughts?



TKC



Therese
--hide--


I think the sayings are true, but it goes both ways- both men and women can do this and yield the same results.
Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Therese-668052 said: I was surfing the internet and stopped by these two quotes -Never let a man know everything. H...
(Quote) Therese-668052 said: I was surfing the internet and stopped by these two quotes

-Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

-Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Do you agree?

I personally think differently. Your thoughts?

TKC

Therese
--hide--


Sometimes your idea might be to let him miss you, but his idea is its time to 'take a powder' weeping


Seriously.. I have two ex-husbands that would throw everything I did in my past into every disagreement. But I'm sure that there are just as many women who do this. This isn't a gender specific action. And the same for 'taking for granted'.. Women do this too. It's very unfair to insinuate that's it's only men.

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: Sometimes your idea might be to let him miss you, but his idea is its time to 'ta...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:


Sometimes your idea might be to let him miss you, but his idea is its time to 'take a powder'


Seriously.. I have two ex-husbands that would throw everything I did in my past into every disagreement. But I'm sure that there are just as many women who do this. This isn't a gender specific action. And the same for 'taking for granted'.. Women do this too. It's very unfair to insinuate that's it's only men.

--hide--


I agree, Donna, with using information against someone in an argument. So true. Some years back I had a long time friendship end precisely because in one argument the friend (a female) threw most everything I'd ever told her in confidence in my face. I was both shocked and deeply hurt. The friendship could not recover. I think both genders have the capacity for this and need to be mindful that things shared in vulnerability should never be used as a weapon. Our knowledge of a person should be used to foster friendship, not win arguments!

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Sarah-901988 said: I agree, Donna, with using information against someone in an argument. So true. Some year...
(Quote) Sarah-901988 said:



I agree, Donna, with using information against someone in an argument. So true. Some years back I had a long time friendship end precisely because in one argument the friend (a female) threw most everything I'd ever told her in confidence in my face. I was both shocked and deeply hurt. The friendship could not recover. I think both genders have the capacity for this and need to be mindful that things shared in vulnerability should never be used as a weapon. Our knowledge of a person should be used to foster friendship, not win arguments!

--hide--


Hi Sarah and Donna! I agree. There are just some lines you don't cross! I had a 30 year friendship end this way. As most relationships go, though, it was over before it was over. Still, it's sad that my friend chose to show so little control in the things he said to me. I find it hard to believe that a person, after saying such things, could believe that all could be forgiven and forgotten. Forgiven, yes. Forgotten, no.

I am of the camp that if someone does something to you once, they are apt to do it to you again. Especially in situations such as these. I think it takes an awful lot to get to the point where one will say such things. (Rhetoricial question or not!) Doesn't that mean they've already lost a certain amount of respect for you already? It would mean that for me. If I'm even thinking of saying such things, the relationship probably doesn't have much hope for survival anyway. If I actually say them, then, it's over - at least for me! Chelle

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