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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Chelle-924354 said: Hi Sarah and Donna! I agree. There are just some lines you don't cross! I had a 30 y...
(Quote) Chelle-924354 said:



Hi Sarah and Donna! I agree. There are just some lines you don't cross! I had a 30 year friendship end this way. As most relationships go, though, it was over before it was over. Still, it's sad that my friend chose to show so little control in the things he said to me. I find it hard to believe that a person, after saying such things, could believe that all could be forgiven and forgotten. Forgiven, yes. Forgotten, no.

I am of the camp that if someone does something to you once, they are apt to do it to you again. Especially in situations such as these. I think it takes an awful lot to get to the point where one will say such things. (Rhetoricial question or not!) Doesn't that mean they've already lost a certain amount of respect for you already? It would mean that for me. If I'm even thinking of saying such things, the relationship probably doesn't have much hope for survival anyway. If I actually say them, then, it's over - at least for me! Chelle

--hide--


I agree Chelle. I think there is a difference between blurting out in the heat of the moment "You always _____!" and apologizing later. Those ("You always ____!") are observable behaviors. They aren't good for arguments either, of course, but it can happen to the best of us if we let things simmer over time. But the relationship (friendship or otherwise) has already been in trouble if someone uses things divulged in private/vulnerability. For me, when those are used in arguments it is with the deliberate intent of hurting someone. The person is using that which is most important to us to "win". I think that is the opposite of relationship for me.

Mar 26th 2013 new
I agree that you shouldn't let a man know everything. But for a different reason....some things might hurt him.....I didn't let one boyfriend know how much I hated this dumb shirt he wore because it reminded him of a special trip he went on with his friends. However, if you do not let them know something because you are afraid they will bring it up later on and use it against you......Good lord.....why are you dating them?!!! I only ever had one guy do that....and we barely, I don't think we even dated....we didn't even stay friends. No one I've dated has done that to me, and I wouldn't do it to anyone else. But I don't believe in keeping secrets to protect myself. If I think it's important they know....then they will hear it, even if they can use it against me.....because that is what love is sometimes.....staying silent even when you have information that would tear the heart out of someone you are mad at. You can be angry, but still be in love. I've held my tongue during arguments when I had plenty of ammo because it was not a loving thing to do. And I expect my significant other to do the same.
Mar 26th 2013 new
I see most of us agree being honest is the best in a healthy relationship

I also saw many of you talking about throwing things back i our faces and this is also true so many use this as a way to win in an argument

so what is it that we can do?

By hiding things a relationship would suffer. In the other hand, we can't change the other person.

IMO and my personal experience, changing our reactions toward things so nothing would affect us is the best. smile
Mar 26th 2013 new
(Quote) Marge-938695 said: Three thoughts come to mind.1. How ladies think: they don't! 2. My mother used to ...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

Three thoughts come to mind.

1. How ladies think: they don't!

2. My mother used to say, "He doesn't need to know everything." I don't think the average man will use knowledge against you...but it's unkind to reveal things that, while dead issues, can still be hurtful. (Example: Your mother is dead, and you tell him, "You know, she never liked you.")

3. Making him miss you is a smart move during the courting period. But once you have a commitment (engagement) you have the responsibility to be there FOR EACH OTHER. If he can't count on you, he'll look for someone he can count on.

--hide--


laughing laughing Marge there is wisdom with what your mom said when it is important to be honest in a relationship being kind and compassionate is a must smile

What you said in number 3 is also correct. I like to add that when it is important for him to miss you it is important also that things come in a natural way, because no one likes to feel manipulated.
Mar 26th 2013 new
(Quote) Chelle-924354 said: Hi Sarah and Donna! I agree. There are just some lines you don't cross! I had a 30 year friends...
(Quote) Chelle-924354 said:



Hi Sarah and Donna! I agree. There are just some lines you don't cross! I had a 30 year friendship end this way. As most relationships go, though, it was over before it was over. Still, it's sad that my friend chose to show so little control in the things he said to me. I find it hard to believe that a person, after saying such things, could believe that all could be forgiven and forgotten. Forgiven, yes. Forgotten, no.

I am of the camp that if someone does something to you once, they are apt to do it to you again. Especially in situations such as these. I think it takes an awful lot to get to the point where one will say such things. (Rhetoricial question or not!) Doesn't that mean they've already lost a certain amount of respect for you already? It would mean that for me. If I'm even thinking of saying such things, the relationship probably doesn't have much hope for survival anyway. If I actually say them, then, it's over - at least for me! Chelle

--hide--


Sorry that a 30 years of friendship had to end, this is sad, i wish there was anything to be done to save it.

What they say about friendship

Friendship is basically when two people spend time together, or write to one another, tell each other secrets, fears, worries, trust one another, help one another, forgive one another.

Friendship is lovely! It is something which one should never lose. It is precious to everyone.

Friendship is about mutual respect, affection, help, and providing comfort in times of crises. Friendship is a mutually supportive relationship between two or more people.

But Chelle if you had these things in your friendship it shouldn't lead to what happened! rose
Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Therese-668052 said: I was surfing the internet and stopped by these two quotes -Never let a man know everything. H...
(Quote) Therese-668052 said: I was surfing the internet and stopped by these two quotes

-Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

-Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Do you agree?

I personally think differently. Your thoughts?

TKC

Therese
--hide--



#1 - I would say that is better advice for men than women. Actually, I would think a woman would appreciate a man using something she said against her because that actually meant he was listening!!!!

#2 - very true - let the man chase the woman... if he is interested, he will contact the woman.... a woman playing hard to get (but not too hard) is good advice for sure!!!

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Marissa-529206 said: I agree that you shouldn't let a man know everything. But for a different reason....some things mi...
(Quote) Marissa-529206 said: I agree that you shouldn't let a man know everything. But for a different reason....some things might hurt him.....I didn't let one boyfriend know how much I hated this dumb shirt he wore because it reminded him of a special trip he went on with his friends. However, if you do not let them know something because you are afraid they will bring it up later on and use it against you......Good lord.....why are you dating them?!!! I only ever had one guy do that....and we barely, I don't think we even dated....we didn't even stay friends. No one I've dated has done that to me, and I wouldn't do it to anyone else. But I don't believe in keeping secrets to protect myself. If I think it's important they know....then they will hear it, even if they can use it against me.....because that is what love is sometimes.....staying silent even when you have information that would tear the heart out of someone you are mad at. You can be angry, but still be in love. I've held my tongue during arguments when I had plenty of ammo because it was not a loving thing to do. And I expect my significant other to do the same.
--hide--

My thoughts exactly!!! If he has such a biting, disrespectful temper, why are you with him? A lady does eventually reveal everything to a man, though not all at once. I'm a very private person and the gentleman, quite frankly, has to convince me to open up...it happens gradually as I feel safer and more relaxed in his presence.

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: Three thoughts come to mind.1. How ladies think: they don't! 2. My mother use...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

Three thoughts come to mind.

1. How ladies think: they don't!

2. My mother used to say, "He doesn't need to know everything." I don't think the average man will use knowledge against you...but it's unkind to reveal things that, while dead issues, can still be hurtful. (Example: Your mother is dead, and you tell him, "You know, she never liked you.")

3. Making him miss you is a smart move during the courting period. But once you have a commitment (engagement) you have the responsibility to be there FOR EACH OTHER. If he can't count on you, he'll look for someone he can count on.

--hide--

LOL laughing laughing laughing weeping weeping Number one was my first thought when I saw this post 3 hours ago, but didn't want to say it and risk offending anyone.

#3: uh...in a word....YES!!! By committment time (engagment or soon after) he ought to know about all your skeletons.

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Therese-668052 said: I was surfing the internet and stopped by these two quotes -Never let a man know everything. H...
(Quote) Therese-668052 said: I was surfing the internet and stopped by these two quotes

-Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

-Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Do you agree?

I personally think differently. Your thoughts?

TKC

Therese
--hide--

Men of this type generally can be detected by close observance of how they talk about their family, friends or cutting remarks about a passer by. They usially portray that outlaw image with knuckles dragging on the ground. It is sad when someone is betrayed at that level, men with these traits tend also to view their partner or wife as goods owned. I encountered an individual like this giving his wife a hard time. I asked him whether he had paid his annual registration for her. He looked at me strangely and said What do you mean??? I replied well you treat her as if you own her and you bark at her as if she were a dog, naturally I would presume you must have registered her with the local council. He mumbled and muttered and sheepishly walked away.We have a priest here that was at a wedding reception and one of the guests hit his wife in the face knocking her to the ground. The priest went over immediately and punched the guy out! Now that was a sign of peace with attitude!! I personally don't is any ones business in regards to the past. If God were to use the same criteria as is often used in abusive relationships, we would all be stoking coal in the furnace below. Men whom do this act of betrayal of a confidence can pretty well be relied upon to be abusive spouses, in the physical and mental sense. Shell, I tihink you were saved by the bell, thank God you never married him. My mother had a saying which went this way,"When a man or woman display a bad trait before marriage, multiply it by ten and that's what you can expect if you marry them."

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Therese-668052 said: I was surfing the internet and stopped by these two quotes -Never let a man know everything. H...
(Quote) Therese-668052 said: I was surfing the internet and stopped by these two quotes

-Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

-Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Do you agree?

I personally think differently. Your thoughts?

TKC

Therese
--hide--

I was surfing the Internet and I saw the same thing.. except it said "Women" instead of Men.. laughing laughing laughing maybe they want us to use it against each other. scratchchin faint

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