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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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This topic is something I think many of us singles struggle with as we get to know others and date. If anyone has any advice, I'm all ears!


I think it is important that we protect ourselves and guard our hearts, but this can only go so far. At some point, we need to be open to giving ourselves emotionally to another person. Finding the balance between the two is where I personally struggle! I'm usually either too extreme one way or another.


scratchchin scratchchin scratchchin

Mar 26th 2013 new
I wish I could help. I am not good at all about guarding my heart. One would think I would learn!!! However, sometimes I guard it too much. My heart had sadly, often been abused. So much so I stopped telling my friends of some of the people I've known because they were quite horrified. I find that I tend to give people to many chances. And I tend to follow St. Therese's rule on being silent. I wish I could have a sort of rule book....."this is what you do WHEN"
Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Kelly-846180 said: This topic is something I think many of us singles struggle with as we get to know others and dat...
(Quote) Kelly-846180 said:

This topic is something I think many of us singles struggle with as we get to know others and date. If anyone has any advice, I'm all ears!


I think it is important that we protect ourselves and guard our hearts, but this can only go so far. At some point, we need to be open to giving ourselves emotionally to another person. Finding the balance between the two is where I personally struggle! I'm usually either too extreme one way or another.

--hide--



Kelly,

Read my thread about friendships and marriage. If you let a guy in your head or your heart, you're going to fall in love with him; bet on it. ;)



Will

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Marissa-529206 said: I wish I could help. I am not good at all about guarding my heart. One would think I would learn!!! Ho...
(Quote) Marissa-529206 said: I wish I could help. I am not good at all about guarding my heart. One would think I would learn!!! However, sometimes I guard it too much. My heart had sadly, often been abused. So much so I stopped telling my friends of some of the people I've known because they were quite horrified. I find that I tend to give people to many chances. And I tend to follow St. Therese's rule on being silent. I wish I could have a sort of rule book....."this is what you do WHEN"
--hide--


I am sorry to say that guardedness comes with age and, often, mileage. As you date, you realize what you like or don't like, what sort of behavior is honoring to you as a child of God, and what is demeaning. Abuse is never acceptable.

I try to build a strong filter, rather than walls, with people. Let the good in, keep the bad out. Vulnerability and trust can't be given away cheaply, but sometimes we learn that the hard way.

Guardedness does not equate to callousness. Have filters. Not walls.

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Alice-788574 said: I am sorry to say that guardedness comes with age and, often, mileage. As you date, ...
(Quote) Alice-788574 said:


I am sorry to say that guardedness comes with age and, often, mileage. As you date, you realize what you like or don't like, what sort of behavior is honoring to you as a child of God, and what is demeaning. Abuse is never acceptable.

I try to build a strong filter, rather than walls, with people. Let the good in, keep the bad out. Vulnerability and trust can't be given away cheaply, but sometimes we learn that the hard way.

Guardedness does not equate to callousness. Have filters. Not walls.

--hide--


I really love that, Alice! clap Filters instead of walls. Chelle

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Marissa-529206 said: I wish I could help. I am not good at all about guarding my heart. One would think I would learn!!! Ho...
(Quote) Marissa-529206 said: I wish I could help. I am not good at all about guarding my heart. One would think I would learn!!! However, sometimes I guard it too much. My heart had sadly, often been abused. So much so I stopped telling my friends of some of the people I've known because they were quite horrified. I find that I tend to give people to many chances. And I tend to follow St. Therese's rule on being silent. I wish I could have a sort of rule book....."this is what you do WHEN"
--hide--
Remember the Bible phrase: "Seventy times seven".

Back in the Old Testament days, we see how the Good Lord gave His chosen people chance after chance after chance. They kept messing up; He kept giving them more chances.

A "cold" heart isn't very welcoming, but on the other hand, we should lead with our heads.

Easy to say; harder to do, Marissa.

Mar 26th 2013 new

It's not the best advice, but be true to yourself. Do what feels right for you, whether that's remaining guarded or letting someone in. But remember to listen to your heart, don't let your mind psych you out. Use your intuition and try to read the situation as best you can. Even if you make a mistake, don't regret it; we're all human and we all make them. But you just can't shut yourself off forever, so it eventually becomes necessary to trust again.

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Kelly-846180 said: This topic is something I think many of us singles struggle with as we get to know others and dat...
(Quote) Kelly-846180 said:

This topic is something I think many of us singles struggle with as we get to know others and date. If anyone has any advice, I'm all ears!


I think it is important that we protect ourselves and guard our hearts, but this can only go so far. At some point, we need to be open to giving ourselves emotionally to another person. Finding the balance between the two is where I personally struggle! I'm usually either too extreme one way or another.

--hide--
Yes, Kelly, that's what happens. But, when you think about it, that's what we do with our loved ones. We make our inner selves known, therefore, become vulnerable. What we want to know is if we can trust the other person not to take advantage of our vulnerability. Yet, unless we make ourselves vulnerable, we're not truly as involved as we should be. Our hope is that it is working both ways, and neither one is prone to emotional blackmailing. Once you're involved with someone, it's near impossible to be objective.

Maybe the question to ask ourselves is not "Does my loved one care for me as much?", but rather, "Can I pour out my inner self and be assured of that person's trust?" If you can't say "Yes" to the latter, then don't let your guard down.

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Chelle-924354 said: I really love that, Alice! Filters instead of walls. Chelle
(Quote) Chelle-924354 said:



I really love that, Alice! Filters instead of walls. Chelle

--hide--
Oh, Chelle, she's not talking about cigarettes????? laughing

Mar 26th 2013 new

When I have read this blog (www.catholicmatch.comlenten-reflection-for-singles/) here on CM, it was an eye opener for me. I believe that in the end, the result will surpass all the hurt, pain, rejection, etc that comes with allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. But we cannot reach the destination unless we allow ourselves to go through the process.

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