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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

02/18/2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: I would say, getting married as a solution to concupicence is a cheat on both spouses. Both deser...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

I would say, getting married as a solution to concupicence is a cheat on both spouses. Both deserve a real friendship based on intellectual, cultural, moral, and emotional bonds...not just someone to keep the bed warm.

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Getting married just to have a sexual partner seems like a very poor reason for an Altar Date.

02/18/2013 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: Should Catholics have shorter courtship periods before getting married to reduce the temptation for illic...
(Quote) John-220051 said: Should Catholics have shorter courtship periods before getting married to reduce the temptation for illicit sexual activity?
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John, focusing on sex in this way is very unhealthy and can only lead to bad places. When you really love a woman you'll want to wait until the time is right for both of you.

02/18/2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: John..When was the last time you had a date? A real live person to person date? If you spent as mu...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:

John..When was the last time you had a date? A real live person to person date? If you spent as much time actually dating as you do asking questions about dating most of these questions would be answered by real life..

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While I completely disagree with John's comment, I do not feel this response was justified. A little harsh I think. One of my friends in particular is on a dating website and has had a very difficult time meeting people. He sends messages, reaches out, and does not get a response. This can be discouraging. Perhaps John's "lack" of real live dates has nothing to do with his desire to date.

As for John's comment. It is a shame and a pity that you feel that way. If two people rush to the alter in order to avoid the temptation of illicit sexual activity, then they are getting married for the wrong reasons. We are called to love one another. We are called to temperance and self control. A woman who truly loves a man and a man who truly loves a woman is seeking to protect the heart of their beloved. We are called to protect our future spouse's heart and pray for their soul, to fight for their sanctity.

02/18/2013 new

(Quote) Matt-61677 said: If you are worried about the temptation for illicit sex before you get married you are going to hav...
(Quote) Matt-61677 said:

If you are worried about the temptation for illicit sex before you get married you are going to have the same problem once you get married. If you are seriously in danger for falling for the temptation of sex before marriage because you can't wait or restrain yourself that will continue into your marriage. You also are not focusing on loving your future spouse for their own sake, which will also continue into your marriage.

How long? My general belief (based on what I've seen with my friends and reading) is that you can discern well in 3 months if you see each other regularly and have good personal development. After that another 6 months for the engagement, definitely less than a year. Depends on the person, but too long can be worse than too short. If you are going to wait there should be a reason.

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"If you are worried about the temptation for illicit sex before you get married you are going to have the same problem once you get married. If you are seriously in danger for falling for the temptation of sex before marriage because you can't wait or restrain yourself that will continue into your marriage. "


But you are not likely to have such close proximity to a woman you are not dating as you do to a woman you are.

The concern about temptation during courtship is a legitimate one; two people dating are alone much more often than say, two co-workers. There are very few (if any) situations between two people who are not romanticallly interested in one another that will land them together in a car at night or in front of an empty house or apartment at a late hour.

I wouldn't shorten a courtship because of the temptations that these situations provided, but if it came up that these were real occasions of sin, then I would certainly find more activities where they would be avoided.

I think the holiest advice I ever received on courting was from a young priest who advised me that a man and a woman in a courtship should be living as brother and sister.

02/19/2013 new

(Quote) Beverly-649723 said: Thanks for the plug about my profile, Donna! I epect to see men of rea...
(Quote) Beverly-649723 said:

Thanks for the plug about my profile, Donna!

I epect to see men of realistic expectations overflowing my "Viewed Me" panel now....

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Always glad to help a sista Beverly.. wink laughing

03/29/2013 new

That is up to each couple. Tjis a subject they do need to talk about early if they agree the realtionship is getting intimate. But , I think there is no standard time period. For exaple, I close friend of mine, and fellow Knight of Combus, were close and talked often. We laughed when someone would say you have to totaly celibate for year for even talking about. Then one must be celibate to two years after the marriage. When friend, Ben went to a birthday party many years ago, he met Marge. They were intimate on that very night. When Ben passed away last fall, He and Marge had been married for 57 years. The church puts much importance on sex.

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