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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Apr 10th 2013 new

(Quote) Frank-410833 said: Also have a detailed profile in what you're looking for and also what you're NOT looking...
(Quote) Frank-410833 said:

Also have a detailed profile in what you're looking for and also what you're NOT looking for. This will almost completely tell you if she's compatible with you and vice versa. Then you can exchange an email or two and then move to a coffee meet or something to get things really moving.
--hide--

And, I am going to tell you after you make that detailed list, read it once, then tear it into a jillion pieces, because I bet, just bet the one you actually fall for will be completely off the mark :-). . .I know from experience God often has very different ideas about what you need and don't need LOL. Not saying you shouldn't have some deal breakers like having to have their steak charbroiled or being an active ninja assassin or something but otherwise just get to know people and you'll know.

I had a list once. . .and what I learned no matter how well you think you stuck to the list. . .there are always other unforeseen problems to navigate and negotiate. A good marriage isn't perfect, it is perfectly imperfect. A great spouse is your imperfectly perfect complement, who makes your world right and complete just by wrapping their arms and legs around you in the quiet darkness of the night. ..and then snores in your ear or drools on your shoulder. :-) And, I only partly jest.

Apr 10th 2013 new

Right on, Lauren. God has a sense of humor and he likes to show us that when we think we've got it all figured out - he he he - hide and watch.

Apr 10th 2013 new

(Quote) Jeffrey-959751 said: After taking a break from the dating world for about a year, I have come back with...
(Quote) Jeffrey-959751 said:


After taking a break from the dating world for about a year, I have come back with renewed energy and a new perspective. I hope I can say honestly that I have a better understanding of what really matters in a partner, and I definitely feel like faith is critical. I have had little success in the past with other dating sites, and so I hope my faith can lead me to meet a great Catholic woman.

But still, I feel like I come across too strong too early, have little to talk about (I really have simple tastes) and I can never tell what I should say if or how to continue a conversation (or even WHEN or HOW to continue a courtship through the internet). I feel much more natural in person.....but sometimes you just end up talking to people far away.

Can you guys give me some rules of thumb for this? Is one message a day a good starting point? Should I be the driving force in going from messages to chatting to phone calls? All help is appreciated!

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Not sure what you mean by coming on too strong, but showing interest may be a welcome relief for the women you contact! Asking interesting questions about the woman, asking her to elaborate on her profile, about her interests will all show her that you are not self-focused and are truly interested in knowing her. One message a day is a good starting point. It would also be nice if you suggest the next step in regard to communication - but wait until she appears to trust you. Good luck!

Apr 10th 2013 new

Thanks for reminding Jeffrey to also talk about HER interests. He seems to have it together and is much more aware than men twice his age.
I'll bet he won't be using this site long because he definitely will see success in his future!

Apr 10th 2013 new
(Quote) Marjorie-953841 said: Thanks for reminding Jeffrey to also talk about HER interests. He seems to have it together and is much mor...
(Quote) Marjorie-953841 said:

Thanks for reminding Jeffrey to also talk about HER interests. He seems to have it together and is much more aware than men twice his age.
I'll bet he won't be using this site long because he definitely will see success in his future!

--hide--


Lol talking about her interests is basic common sense in getting to know someone. This goes back to the part where I mentioned both parties should have a detailed profile. But if she doesn't then all the more reason to talk about her interests.
Apr 10th 2013 new

(Quote) Kristen-878108 said: Not sure what you mean by coming on too strong, but showing interest may be a...
(Quote) Kristen-878108 said:

Not sure what you mean by coming on too strong, but showing interest may be a welcome relief for the women you contact! Asking interesting questions about the woman, asking her to elaborate on her profile, about her interests will all show her that you are not self-focused and are truly interested in knowing her. One message a day is a good starting point. It would also be nice if you suggest the next step in regard to communication - but wait until she appears to trust you. Good luck!

--hide--

I agree with Kristen on the one post a day or so, but if you are not going to be on every day then say that up front, so no one is left to wonder, it isn't very nice.

Apr 10th 2013 new

Jeffrey, I've found that reading the forums and emailing that person directly is a great way to start a conversation. It is more personal--and it shows the person is actually a member. I have started to create some really terrific friendships with some other CM members.

I've also asked if I can pray with/for the person. This is my personal gift--intercessory prayer--yet I have found it allows for God to truly be available to your conversations. If someone is uncomfortable with my prayers--that is completely ok. It may be seen as a great way to potentially screen others.

Best wishes for you as you find your future partner! Praying

Apr 11th 2013 new
Welcome to posting in the fora, Jeffrey! wave I just had to respond to your post-- you're from down the road and my brother's name is Jeffrey. I have a feeling you will be successful here.

There is nothing more appealing to woman than a man who confidently pursues what he is looking for with a noble heart and a focused mind. This is true on the street and online. I think if you focus on being the man you want to be, you will find the woman for you. That means if you want to be the leader in the family, then lead now by initiating conversation, making suggestions along the way about the pacing and letting her know where you see things going (not too far ahead, but the next step.) For example, if you send her a brief introductory email-- "Hello____, Hope you are well. I enjoyed reading your profile and viewing your pictures. I found ___________ especially interesting. I would like to know more about you."etc.-- make sure you make it clear that you want to hear from her and let her know when to expect to hear from you.

One of the classiest things a former boyfriend did each step along the way in our relationship was to "formally ask" me when he wanted to step things up. He "formally asked" for my phone number, for a first date, to kiss me, and to be his girlfriend. He lead each step of the way, and left the choice up to me.

Now if you don't want to be the leader, and you'd rather that she take initiative and call all the shots, sit back and wait for her to contact you. Or I suppose you could "drop a hankie" in an emote.

But for some reason, I think you are more likely to embrace the former approach.
Apr 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: ... If you want, you can send an email saying, I am sorry that after our X exchanges of messag...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

... If you want, you can send an email saying,

I am sorry that after our X exchanges of messages

on here that you appear to no longer wish to communicate, ...

--hide--

- but be sure to change

"X"

to the actual number of exchanges to

demonstrate that you've been paying attention. smile

Apr 11th 2013 new

I'm sure you're right, Helen. Thanks.

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