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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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It's about you

Apr 16th 2013 new
I have found that one of the great challenges I've had to face living the single life is guarding against selfishness. While living alone it is so easy to just live how I want, doing what I want when I want, and throwing out consideration for others. It can be habit forming. (Fortunately, I think the very fact that I am aware of this temptation, helps me to not be this way.)

Me. Me. Me. I. I. I.

That's what I hear and read so much. But it's about you. It's about the other. I am looking forward to focusing on "him"-- the man I'll fall in love with and marry one day. I want to make my efforts in our relationship about loving him, serving him, putting him and our family before myself. (I know he will eagerly and lovingly do he same.)

Some exam
Apr 16th 2013 new
So how about some examples of this?

Making the dinner he wants often.

Dressing attractively in a way that makes him proud.

Keeping our home organized and simple.

Listening to his music in lew of mine.

Being on time.

What other simple daily things can we do for our other to be loving? (We all need these reminders.)
Apr 16th 2013 new

Listening to him, taking time to hear his perspective on an issue, forgiving from the heart.


Remembering there are two sides to every story, thinking as a couple, not just me.

Apr 16th 2013 new

Respect.

Apr 16th 2013 new

Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages helps determine how we can best "speak" to those we are in relationship with.


If you know that your significant other's primary love language is quality time, for example, then you will try to make that a priority through active listening, lots of eye contact, etc. Hopefully, your SO will be aware of your primary love language as well so that you can mutually show your love & respect for each other.


I think there should be reciprocity in a relationship or it becomes lopsided. Some people are selfish & will continue so unless we show some degree of assertiveness.

Apr 17th 2013 new

Empathy


Reciprocation


Respect


Seeing someone else's perspective


Honor and cherish


Actively listen


Being there

Apr 17th 2013 new

(Quote) Dawn-58330 said: I have found that one of the great challenges I've had to face living the single life is guarding agai...
(Quote) Dawn-58330 said: I have found that one of the great challenges I've had to face living the single life is guarding against selfishness. While living alone it is so easy to just live how I want, doing what I want when I want, and throwing out consideration for others. It can be habit forming. (Fortunately, I think the very fact that I am aware of this temptation, helps me to not be this way.)

Me. Me. Me. I. I. I.
--hide--


I guess it depends on how you view selfishness, and various other aspects in life. I am very active in the community, and do a lot of volunteer work. Many would say that is very un-selfish, but the reality is it is somewhat selfish. Why do I do the volunteer work, because I feel appreciated, because I enjoy hanging out with the guys, and because I feel good for being able to give back. I feel better being able to give my time (and it does more for me psychologically) then just cutting a cheque to a local charity. So some might argue this is being selfish. I personally think it's a win-win, so I have never really put labels on it.


There are times when I do things for me, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I feel that I work hard for my money, and I deserve to be able to spend such that I get pleasure from it. Given my earlier expeirences with life I personally detest the concept of a "bucket list" or waiting until some moment is just perpect. Life is short, you never know when it's going to end so enjoy it, if you want to do it, and you can aford to do it, etc. then DO IT! Assuming of course that it's moral and ethical ... I'm not talking extreme behavior. I know that may sound very selfish, but you never know what the future will have in store.

IF the time comes that I have another lady in my life then we can discuss my priorities, and we can discuss what has to be traded such that we can spend more time together. Until then I'm going to continue burning the candle at both ends, so that I can selfishsly receive pleasure through my unselfish gift of self to the community. That and some time off to recharge and do things I've always wanted to do!

Apr 17th 2013 new

I am waiting for the day to have a woman in my life (besides my mother) to tell me to pick up after myself. biggrin

Apr 17th 2013 new

(Quote) Peter-793888 said: I guess it depends on how you view selfishness, and various other aspects in life. There ...
(Quote) Peter-793888 said:

I guess it depends on how you view selfishness, and various other aspects in life.

There are times when I do things for me, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I feel that I work hard for my money, and I deserve to be able to spend such that I get pleasure from it.

IF the time comes that I have another lady in my life then we can discuss my priorities, and we can discuss what has to be traded such that we can spend more time together.

--hide--


Peter, I pulled out a couple of your statements to help describe the concept of selfishness. When someone demands (can be subtle or blatant) that he/she is the one who "deserves" all (or even the majority) of the time/effort spent on them without giving you back any of what you would like or need in the relationship, then I consider that selfish. It was mentioned in one of the 1st posts here about listening only to his/her music. Well, I experienced that in my marriage. My former husband, immediately after the wedding, stated that I was to listen to my music only when he wasn't home. As a new bride I thought I should obey his rules in everything. It became so that I was rarely given a choice in just about anything--give an inch, take a mile. (Is that a sign of a narcissistic personality?) So, resentments grew. (I didn't know how to be assertive.) That's what I mean when I say there should be reciprocity in a relationship. When you love someone, you want what's best for them but not at the expense of draining yourself dry. I'm not sure at this moment, but I think it's Gary Chapman who talks about "filling our (love) tanks." We cannot keep giving if we ourselves are runnning on empty. I know that as a single-again woman, I cherish my freedom. I don't have to worry about coming home to a scowling face or that I might want read a book all night long, etc. But if a special man comes into my life, I hope we can share our dreams & our life together so that there's balance. Yes, you put your special someone first, but they should in return put you first, too. Does this make sense to anyone?

Apr 17th 2013 new

Great post, Dawn.

That's one of the things I most hate about being single: I was a better person when I had a husband to care for.

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