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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for general discussion that doesn't specifically fit into one of the other CatholicMatch rooms. Topics should not be overly serious as this is to be more of a "cafe setting."

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Advice?

Apr 18th 2013 new

I met a woman on CM about a week ago and we had an awesome chat. She liked the same things I did, we both agreed on how the church needs to be more active in the world, and I really want to get to know more about her, and she said she'd like to talk to me again. It has been more than a week now. I've seen her on CM, sent her a few messages, and invited her to chat, but she isn't responding. I don't know what to do. I don't want to overwhelm her, yet I do want her to know that I am still interested. Do women have a tendency to let a guy they are not interested in hang in the dark because they are afraid of hurting his feelings? Or am I being presumptuous? (I know nothing about women.)

Apr 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Alexander-571604 said: I met a woman on CM about a week ago and we had an awesome chat. She liked the same things I ...
(Quote) Alexander-571604 said:

I met a woman on CM about a week ago and we had an awesome chat. She liked the same things I did, we both agreed on how the church needs to be more active in the world, and I really want to get to know more about her, and she said she'd like to talk to me again. It has been more than a week now. I've seen her on CM, sent her a few messages, and invited her to chat, but she isn't responding. I don't know what to do. I don't want to overwhelm her, yet I do want her to know that I am still interested. Do women have a tendency to let a guy they are not interested in hang in the dark because they are afraid of hurting his feelings? Or am I being presumptuous? (I know nothing about women.)

--hide--

What to do:

(a) Don't contact her again unless she contacts you first.

(b) Pray and consider fasting that, if it is the Lord's will she will contact you soon.

(c) Unless something changes, assume it isn't the Lord's will she be with you, thank Him for allowing this to come to light before you got too attached or spent too much time on the relationship.

(d) Move on.

As for your final question (bolded):

How women (or men, for that matter) tend to act in certain circumstances has no bearing on any specific situation: all that matters is how the person you are dealing with DID act. Why did the person act as they did? While you can speculate, you have no way of knowing for sure unless they tell you -- and even then they may not be telling the full truth. Nor does it matter: it is what it is. There was no established relationship, and while you might like an explanation, she does not owe you one.

Or, to sum it up in one word:

NEXT!

Apr 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Alexander-571604 said: I met a woman on CM about a week ago and we had an awesome chat. She liked the same things I ...
(Quote) Alexander-571604 said:

I met a woman on CM about a week ago and we had an awesome chat. She liked the same things I did, we both agreed on how the church needs to be more active in the world, and I really want to get to know more about her, and she said she'd like to talk to me again. It has been more than a week now. I've seen her on CM, sent her a few messages, and invited her to chat, but she isn't responding. I don't know what to do. I don't want to overwhelm her, yet I do want her to know that I am still interested. Do women have a tendency to let a guy they are not interested in hang in the dark because they are afraid of hurting his feelings? Or am I being presumptuous? (I know nothing about women.)

--hide--

Hi Alexander,

I wish I had a good answer for you. It happens to all of us. It isn't fun and I don't think its kind, but it happens. I am not sure its about knowing about women or not, I think its the nature of this type of getting to know one another. Hugs and hang in there. If she doesn't respond send her a final note saying you remain interested and she knows how to contact you when she's ready to do so.

Apr 18th 2013 new

smile Here's some advice: Generally, generalizing gets people into trouble. If you think women all act a certain way, I'm not sure how we're supposed to do that, find an amphitheatre large enough to accommodate about 3 billion, go to some sort of global coordination meeting where we all agree to act a certain way despite our cultural and language differences ... you get the idea. scratchchin Women don't all act the same way just like men don't all act the same way.

I have no idea what the state of your budding romance is, but I will say this: sometimes you can be logged in on CM, but not present on the computer because you have gotten up to answer the doorbell, go the washroom, turn off the tea kettle, or a million other things. The chat function on here is somewhat hit-and-miss, and may not be a preferred mode of communication for some. She may also be of the temperament that needs some time to process things and think about what to say next. It is just as easy for a lady to get tongue-tied around a gentleman as the other way around. Good luck! crossfingers

Apr 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Lauren-927923 said: If she doesn't respond send her a final note saying you remain interested and she knows how...
(Quote) Lauren-927923 said:

If she doesn't respond send her a final note saying you remain interested and she knows how to contact you when she's ready to do so.

--hide--

Good advice, Lauren. I modify (a) of my previous response -- but send only what Lauren suggests: no sob stories, guilt trips, last ditch efforts to convince her what a great guy you are, etc.

Apr 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Angela-374523 said: Here's some advice: Generally, generalizing gets people into trouble. If you think women all...
(Quote) Angela-374523 said:

Here's some advice: Generally, generalizing gets people into trouble. If you think women all act a certain way, I'm not sure how we're supposed to do that, find an amphitheatre large enough to accommodate about 3 billion, go to some sort of global coordination meeting where we all agree to act a certain way despite our cultural and language differences ... you get the idea. Women don't all act the same way just like men don't all act the same way.

I have no idea what the state of your budding romance is, but I will say this: sometimes you can be logged in on CM, but not present on the computer because you have gotten up to answer the doorbell, go the washroom, turn off the tea kettle, or a million other things. The chat function on here is somewhat hit-and-miss, and may not be a preferred mode of communication for some. She may also be of the temperament that needs some time to process things and think about what to say next. It is just as easy for a lady to get tongue-tied around a gentleman as the other way around. Good luck!

--hide--


I didn't mean to generalize and imply "all women are the same.". Perhaps I should have taken more time in developing this topic before I posted it. The rest of what you said makes sense though, as I've been guilty of idling on CM as well.

Apr 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Angela-374523 said: sometimes you can be logged in on CM, but not present on the computer because you have gotten up...
(Quote) Angela-374523 said:

sometimes you can be logged in on CM, but not present on the computer because you have gotten up to answer the doorbell, go the washroom, turn off the tea kettle, or a million other things.

--hide--

An excellent point. There have been times I have been logged on to CM for well over a week without actually looking at the site in the interim, so it would not be prudent to make assumptions about the other person's activities based on the fact CM indicates they are online.

Apr 18th 2013 new

Yep, it's spring

take a deep breath

find your smile

Next!

Apr 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: An excellent point. There have been times I have been logged on to CM for well over a wee...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

An excellent point. There have been times I have been logged on to CM for well over a week without actually looking at the site in the interim, so it would not be prudent to make assumptions about the other person's activities based on the fact CM indicates they are online.

--hide--
Jerry, you can delete this topic. I don't want the person I am talking about finding it and assume I am generalizing women. >_>

Apr 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Alexander-571604 said: Jerry, you can delete this topic. I don't want the person I am talking about finding it a...
(Quote) Alexander-571604 said:

Jerry, you can delete this topic. I don't want the person I am talking about finding it and assume I am generalizing women. >_>

--hide--

I can't speak for Angela, but if I understand her response correctly, her comment on generalizing was prompted by your question, "Do women have a tendency..." Such questions (and their counterparts asked about men) are very common int he forums, often asked by those who are frustrated by a string of encounters (or attempted encounters) where the other parties exhibited a common, undesired characteristic.

In many cases common stereotypes about male or female behavior are, in fact, somewhat accurate. But even if 99.9% of all women behave in a certain way for a certain reason, it is irrelevant to you if the woman you are interacting with is one who falls outside the stereotype, right? And since you don't know whether the stereotype applies to her, assuming it does may lead you very far astray.

It's best to treat each person as an individual. And don't worry about trying to figure out why the (don't) do something: just respond to their acts the way you'd like another person to respond if you acted in that manner and you'll usually be fine.

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