Well, after 11 years on CM (on and off), it's time for me to give up my search for a husband.
I am leaving the active CM life. I just turned 55 and I decided a year ago that that was my upper limit for a woman like me to be "looking" for a man. 40 years of "looking" has broken my spirit and really worn me out. Life is short, and I need to start spending what is left of mine in more productive endeavors. I can't be unmarried, childless, and have contributed nothing to society. I have no control over the first two, so I have to take control of the last one. My contribution has to be about more than the literal 30 hours a week I have spent in the last 20 years unsuccessfully seeking a spouse.
I spent the last year pulling out all the stops--hosted numerous singles events, went on the Avemaria cruise, wrote to many men on here (something I never really did), I did literally everything I could to find a man who is my match, this past year in particular, and every single experience resonated back to me "it's over." So I have finally got to align myself and my time with that reality. And I do it knowing that I did absolutely everything I could; at least I have no regrets in that regard.
It has been a long and winding road--I have been on CM, Catholicsingles, Avemaria, eharmony, The Right Stuff...and in all that, I found and loved two wonderful devout Catholic men, one of whom I was engaged to.
So there really are good Catholic people to be found on here, really there are. So I encourage everyone to not give up. If you are younger than me, or have only been on here a year, don't, don't give up. My situation is my own.
CM, even with its flaws, is a great tool. I have communicated with probably 1000 men over the years on these Catholic sites. I have dated dozens. But in all that, there was no one who loved me enough to actually commit himself to me in the sacrament. There it is; that is the bottom line.
I have met INCREDIBLE women in my time in this Catholic singles world. Guys, all I can say is your wife is out here if you would just look around you, and act. I cannot thank each of you gals enough.
I have met some very good and devout men too. You encouraged me that even after my engagement (and world) fell apart, that maybe there was still a good man left out there. Thank you for that.
To those of you younger than me, who still have a chance, what I want to say to each you is this:
Act NOW; choose NOW; do something NOW. None of you want to be me one day.
If anyone sees this after today, while I may still have a profile on here (so I can post events for my over 40 single Catholic singles ministry), if you want to connect with me, you will have to contact me; I will not find you, because I cannot look anymore.
While I am still willing to be found, my searching days are over.
I don't know what will become of me; as some of you know, I am a Catholic author, and I will likely continue to write about the vocation of Catholic marriage and discernment, and will try to continue to share what I have learned over all these many years. Maybe it will help someone find a different fate from what I have met. It warms my heart when I frequently hear from people who say my book helped them, or that they used it in discerning their spouse. I have plenty to say, so I will continue to write.
I believe those who are in the unmarried state of life in the Catholic Church are truly the forgotten demographic, and I will continue to fight for change for us; it matters greatly to me; maybe my story would be different if our Church made some efforts on our behalf.
To those who are in Chicago, I do plan to do one more "over 40" Catholic singles event for y'all in June, and I will do a post in Meet Ups and maybe Events about that.
It has been a tough journey, on balance sad but sometimes sweet. I still believe in the vocation of marriage, for myself and all of us, but you come to a point when you must surrender to what is.
That is where I am at. I can't do anything more; I surrender to what is, and my life is in God's hands.
I have learned so much from so many of you, and you can be assured of my prayers for each of your vocations.
Seek your vocation to marriage heroically--it is your path of love, your way of salvation. And because it is the way of love, it is really all that matters.
If anyone would like my email address to stay in touch, feel free to message me here.
God bless you all, and may He fulfill your vocation (and soon) within His holy will!
In Christ, our hope,