Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.
Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael
Well, after 11 years on CM (on and off), it's time for me to give up my search for a husband.
I am leaving the active CM life. I just turned 55 and I decided a year ago that that was my upper limit for a woman like me to be "looking" for a man. 40 years of "looking" has broken my spirit and really worn me out. Life is short, and I need to start spending what is left of mine in more productive endeavors. I can't be unmarried, childless, and have contributed nothing to society. I have no control over the first two, so I have to take control of the last one. My contribution has to be about more than the literal 30 hours a week I have spent in the last 20 years unsuccessfully seeking a spouse.
I spent the last year pulling out all the stops--hosted numerous singles events, went on the Avemaria cruise, wrote to many men on here (something I never really did), I did literally everything I could to find a man who is my match, this past year in particular, and every single experience resonated back to me "it's over." So I have finally got to align myself and my time with that reality. And I do it knowing that I did absolutely everything I could; at least I have no regrets in that regard.
It has been a long and winding road--I have been on CM, Catholicsingles, Avemaria, eharmony, The Right Stuff...and in all that, I found and loved two wonderful devout Catholic men, one of whom I was engaged to.
So there really are good Catholic people to be found on here, really there are. So I encourage everyone to not give up. If you are younger than me, or have only been on here a year, don't, don't give up. My situation is my own.
CM, even with its flaws, is a great tool. I have communicated with probably 1000 men over the years on these Catholic sites. I have dated dozens. But in all that, there was no one who loved me enough to actually commit himself to me in the sacrament. There it is; that is the bottom line.
I have met INCREDIBLE women in my time in this Catholic singles world. Guys, all I can say is your wife is out here if you would just look around you, and act. I cannot thank each of you gals enough.
I have met some very good and devout men too. You encouraged me that even after my engagement (and world) fell apart, that maybe there was still a good man left out there. Thank you for that.
To those of you younger than me, who still have a chance, what I want to say to each you is this:
Act NOW; choose NOW; do something NOW. None of you want to be me one day.
If anyone sees this after today, while I may still have a profile on here (so I can post events for my over 40 single Catholic singles ministry), if you want to connect with me, you will have to contact me; I will not find you, because I cannot look anymore.
While I am still willing to be found, my searching days are over.
I don't know what will become of me; as some of you know, I am a Catholic author, and I will likely continue to write about the vocation of Catholic marriage and discernment, and will try to continue to share what I have learned over all these many years. Maybe it will help someone find a different fate from what I have met. It warms my heart when I frequently hear from people who say my book helped them, or that they used it in discerning their spouse. I have plenty to say, so I will continue to write.
I believe those who are in the unmarried state of life in the Catholic Church are truly the forgotten demographic, and I will continue to fight for change for us; it matters greatly to me; maybe my story would be different if our Church made some efforts on our behalf.
To those who are in Chicago, I do plan to do one more "over 40" Catholic singles event for y'all in June, and I will do a post in Meet Ups and maybe Events about that.
It has been a tough journey, on balance sad but sometimes sweet. I still believe in the vocation of marriage, for myself and all of us, but you come to a point when you must surrender to what is.
That is where I am at. I can't do anything more; I surrender to what is, and my life is in God's hands.
I have learned so much from so many of you, and you can be assured of my prayers for each of your vocations.
Seek your vocation to marriage heroically--it is your path of love, your way of salvation. And because it is the way of love, it is really all that matters.
If anyone would like my email address to stay in touch, feel free to message me here.
God bless you all, and may He fulfill your vocation (and soon) within His holy will!
In Christ, our hope,
Wow Pat, I am so sad to see you go for my selfish reasons. I look forward to your posts and always know that when someone does a new thread you will be there!
But I do understand your thoughts on this and your wisdom abounds. I will pray for you and think of your often. Hopefully I will make it to some of your gatherings in Chi town. It will be our loss without you here, but now my prayers go with you in whatever you may do. God will guide you through this thing called life.
I get a sad feeling when I see someone leave here even if they are getting married, although I am of course happy for them,and have not been on here for long, I do become so attached.
It is true our church needs to recognize the singles more than they do and the childless, for we do contribute much in this world.
Keep in touch and my love and prayers go with you Pat....Jane
Pat, so sorry to hear this. I have appreciated reading your thoughts about the various and many topics here in the forums. You are so bright & full of thoughtful information. If you have a blog or a newsletter that refers to your writings, I would like to know. Should I send you a private message about that? Thanks so much for what you have contributed here.
Awww Patricia I am sorry to see you leave. You should never give up hope. You know sometimes when you are not looking that is when love will find you. I have 2 stories to share with you. Story number 1. My sisters friend got divorced. Her husband left her for another woman. She was devastated. Now she was divorced for a little while and dealing with being divorced and she got breast cancer. After going through everything she had to go through she continued along. Now it was 1o years after her divorce and she was still single. She thought well I guess I will never be married again as it has been 10 years. She resolved herself to the fact that she would probably be single for the rest of her life. One day she out to walk her dog as she always did. While walking her dog she ran into her high school sweetheart. He was walking his dog too. He was also divorced and he had just moved in down the street into an apartment. I don't think they were Catholic. Anyways, he asked her to go out for a coffee and eventually they got married. Their wedding picture was in a double frame. On one side was the two of them going to their high school graduation together many years ago and on the other side was their wedding picture.The point is she never thought she would ever be married again and when she was not looking lo and behold she ran into her high school sweetheart. You never know and never say never !!!
Story 2. There was a nurse who had been involved in failed relationships. They were abusive. She decided she would never go out with anyone ever again. She spent her life raising her daughter and working. Well 10 years later she was working with a male nurse. He asked her if she would like to have a coffee after work and she said no thank you. He liked her and arranged to be working when she was. He was 10 years younger than she was. He never stopped asking her to go out for a coffee. One day she said if I say yes will you stop asking and he said sure. Well they went for that coffee and 10 years later they are still going strong. If he had of been discouraged he would never have gone out with her. She is very happy that she said yes to that coffee.
I have 2 other beautiful stories I could also tell you. You just never know when love will find you. Again when one is not looking sometimes loves finds you when you least expect it. Soooo Patricia never give up and always keep hope alive in your heart. God bless you.
Pat, blessings in all that you do. I will miss your wise posts.
I truly understand about being weary. I found CM much later than you, but it is the offline world that has made me weary. I have seen too many things to be hopeful that my path will cross with that of a good Catholic man who respects women, who is adaptable and not overly stuck in his ways, and in my age range with at least some similar interests, experiences and life goals.
In my self-examination, I realize that fear has been an enemy for me – too afraid to go to social events because I didn’t want to end up like so-and-so who got pregnant out of wedlock, like so-and-so who got divorced, or so-and-so who had this or that happen, etc. I can’t rewrite the past to make myself more confident and outgoing than I was fifteen or twenty years ago.
We can only go forward, wherever that leads us.
Hi Patricia, I recently came back to CM. I'm sorry I didn't have the chance to read more of your posts. I came back not because I am necessarily looking for a spouse, although it would be nice. I came back to communicate with others and possibly make friendships. I understand how you feel but it must be difficult to understand why after so much involvement you and that special person for you haven't found each other. I'm sure you trust God's plan for you, be open to possibilities when you least expect it...Buy a puppy! :) Kathy's stories give us hope. I wish you peace and joy.