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A place to learn, mingle, and share

Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
Learn More:Abraham & Sarah

Apr 21st 2013 new

Ben, I think it takes a lot of talking & listening, asking the right questions in order to see the "inside of a person".


If we are truly seeking a spouse (or even a friend), then we need to consider the potential in each person who crosses our path.

Apr 21st 2013 new

This topic has been brought up previously.

Which is longer lasting -- the exterior or interior?

Exterior -- physical changes are inevitable. I'm living proof. laughing We age; we undergo changes because of illnesses, accidents, plus there is natural aging. Attraction solely on the basis of exterior looks is superficial.

Interior -- lasting and more permanent. The woman you marry will have essentially the same personality as she did the day you first met her.

Aside from that, isn't there a physically attracting quality that each of us has? As they say: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

Apr 21st 2013 new
(Quote) Ray-566531 said: This topic has been brought up previously. Which is longer lasting -- the exterior or interior?
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

This topic has been brought up previously.



Which is longer lasting -- the exterior or interior?



Exterior -- physical changes are inevitable. I'm living proof. We age; we undergo changes because of illnesses, accidents, plus there is natural aging. Attraction solely on the basis of exterior looks is superficial.



Interior -- lasting and more permanent. The woman you marry will have essentially the same personality as she did the day you first met her.



Aside from that, isn't there a physically attracting quality that each of us has? As they say: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."



--hide--


Well stated, Ray. The outside will change so while somewhat important, it is not what we fall in love with, hopefully. If so, well someone more attractive will always be around the corner.
Apr 21st 2013 new

I honestly look for the inside of a person. One can't get to that with photos, emotigrams etc. You need to talk and be in the same place at some point. MOST IMPORTANT you have to talk to someone. . .drives me batty.

Exterior beauty both male and female is fleeting and it is different for everyone, so someone I think is exceptionally pleasing to the eye will probably not be the same for someone else.

Scanning photos of course there are going to be some who stick out more readily to the eye, but then I read down the likes, dislikes, what they've written and see if anything strikes me there.

I think even though this is a dating site, we should get away with the idea that if we respond to someone or speak to them even for a few messages etc, that we are automatically choosing them to be our mate. We should just be getting to know someone, some will hang in there and become great friends, some may fall away and some may be more important, but unless you actually give a few decent exchanges in conversation how can you know at all.

A man with a quick wit and a sense of humor jumps about 1000 points in the attractive factor regardless of what his picture looks like. And, if they can banter well -- 2000 points. But, all of that requires actually communicating with each other .

Apr 22nd 2013 new

I'm afraid most people don't look beyond the externals, or at least not at first.
Those who have been married before or had significant relationships seem to be better at this...at the same time, they often know (very strictly) which internal traits don't work for them.

Apr 25th 2013 new

For my $.02, it is physical appearance which initially attracts us. What motivates me to initate the contact is visual usually visual. On CM, if someone does not have at least one profile picture posted, I get nervous. What are they hiding, hmmm? laughing!


However, once that initial contact is made, it becomes more about compatible personalities, shared values, and friendship. Shared interests and hobbies are icing on the cake as long as it doesn't become a competition. My most recent marriage ended in divorce largely because of a lack of shared goals, values, political views, etc. We became two people sharing a common address and not much else.


When we were being parents, and we made a pretty good team, and we were ok. When we became empty nesters, she went her way and I went mine. I leaned right, she leaned left. I got into my hobbies, she got into hers. She had her church, and I had mine. And so my marriage ended in a sigh, not a bang. And that was largely because of our differences.


If there is another significant relationship in my future, I hope it will be a lady with whom I share values, outlook, dreams, political views, etc. I would very much like to be together, together as a team.

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