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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Apr 22nd 2013 new

Meg, I have to laugh. My schedule rotates every which way, any time. It is absolutely a social life killer... as evidenced by the fact that all others at the office are single except for less than a handful of lucky ones. I work afternoons some days, mornings others, some weekends, and nothing stays consistent...

Apr 22nd 2013 new
(Quote) Michael-780154 said: Meg, I have to laugh. My schedule rotates every which way, any time. It is absolutely a social life killer....
(Quote) Michael-780154 said:

Meg, I have to laugh. My schedule rotates every which way, any time. It is absolutely a social life killer... as evidenced by the fact that all others at the office are single except for less than a handful of lucky ones. I work afternoons some days, mornings others, some weekends, and nothing stays consistent...

--hide--


Are you stuck in that line of work, that dept., or that position? I made some department changes because my schedule and stress level was driving me nuts. Sometimes extra money or benefits are not worth it. I am so much more relaxed now.
Apr 22nd 2013 new

Meg,

Former military officer who lost a nearly 15 year career last year due to cutbacks. Landed in a job that requires rotating shift work, as I try to rebuild my life. In today's environment, I'm thankful for a job. Period. It will take 7-10 years before I can promote out of rotating shift work. I just pray I can meet a woman who accepts my lot in life and is willing to build a family with me as I start life anew at 40. It all seems rather improbable.

Apr 23rd 2013 new

(Quote) Caroline-930073 said: Hello fellow divorced or annulled brothers and sisters. I went to a special event at our paris...
(Quote) Caroline-930073 said:

Hello fellow divorced or annulled brothers and sisters. I went to a special event at our parish tonight - praise and worship, speaker, adoration. I was reminded how lonely it can be to have a wonderful spiritual encounter with the Lord, but yet not to be able to reach out and hold hands with a special someone who also shares that encounter. I find myself sad when I see happy couples together in mass, or parents with children at mass who have the luxury of being able to tag-team it with the cranky ones. Balancing housework, homework, car repair, job stress, school meetings, etc. is just NOT meant to be done alone.

Looking for tips to battle the lonely times and stay hopeful in God's plan for us. God bless you!

--hide--


I know how you feel as I feel that way sometimes too. But the memory can be a tricky thing. It seems to edit out all the negative things that brought a state of divorce.

I am a fan of the t.v. show Mad Men and in one episode the character Joan Harris has been served with divorce papers and becomes very upset. Her boss, Don Draper says, "Congratulations." Joan says, "for what?" Don responds by saying the following;

"For getting divorced. Nobody ever realizes how bad it has to get for that to happen."

When I get down, I think of that line because in my case it was true and it's true much of the time. Memory is very selective.

Hope you feel better.

Keith

Apr 23rd 2013 new
(Quote) Michael-780154 said: Meg, Former military officer who lost a nearly 15 year career last year due to cutbacks. Land...
(Quote) Michael-780154 said:

Meg,



Former military officer who lost a nearly 15 year career last year due to cutbacks. Landed in a job that requires rotating shift work, as I try to rebuild my life. In today's environment, I'm thankful for a job. Period. It will take 7-10 years before I can promote out of rotating shift work. I just pray I can meet a woman who accepts my lot in life and is willing to build a family with me as I start life anew at 40. It all seems rather improbable.

--hide--


Praying
Apr 23rd 2013 new
Reading the Psalms got me through many a rough night. Now when the lonely bug hits I get up and do something. Doesn't have to be earth shattering. Taking out the garbage can break it for a bit. Finally when all else fails( a lot of the time) I take it to God through the Blessed Mother and offer that pain to her for the conversion of sinners including my heretical and schismatic ex spouse.
Apr 23rd 2013 new

Thank you, Meg.

Apr 23rd 2013 new

(Quote) Caroline-930073 said: Hello fellow divorced or annulled brothers and sisters. I went to a special event at our paris...
(Quote) Caroline-930073 said:

Hello fellow divorced or annulled brothers and sisters. I went to a special event at our parish tonight - praise and worship, speaker, adoration. I was reminded how lonely it can be to have a wonderful spiritual encounter with the Lord, but yet not to be able to reach out and hold hands with a special someone who also shares that encounter. I find myself sad when I see happy couples together in mass, or parents with children at mass who have the luxury of being able to tag-team it with the cranky ones. Balancing housework, homework, car repair, job stress, school meetings, etc. is just NOT meant to be done alone.

Looking for tips to battle the lonely times and stay hopeful in God's plan for us. God bless you!

--hide--


Caroline, I am in the same boat. I am dreading going to church on Mother's day and seeing all the families. At the same time, like another poster has said, it has strengthened my relationships with my family and friends. Because my family and most of my friends live out of state, I am lucky in that I have someone to call almost 24 hours a day for support.


I know that I would rather be alone than living the life I had with my son's dad. My purpose in life was to be a mother and I find my strength in that. I also find strength in the strangers that take an interest in my son. I ran into someone I recognized from church today. She told me how much she enjoys seeing my son and I at church and how wonderful he is. It really made my day.


Just remember that you are doing the best you can and that is all anyone can ask of you. None of us are super-mom. Your kids will not remember that you had a spotless house, but they will remember the family dinners, playing board games and spending time together. No one is going to knock on your door to see if there are dirty dishes in the sink and no one expects a batch of homemade cookies at the school bake sale. You can only do what you can do.


The advise that I was given that has made a huge difference to me is that you need to make sure that you take care of yourself. Find time to do something for you that relaxes you. something as simple as sitting at a coffee house with a book for an hour or going to a Women's bible study can do wonders for your mood.


Good luck to you!

Apr 23rd 2013 new

(Quote) Michael-780154 said: Caroline, After posting a response to the blog on contraception a moment ago, a...
(Quote) Michael-780154 said:

Caroline,

After posting a response to the blog on contraception a moment ago, and considering your note here and others I've read on this site recently, I must ask... WHAT IS *WRONG* WITH THE CATHOLIC CHURCH?

I joined the Church almost 18 months ago, and attended regularly for a year before that. Since I have begun my affiliation with the Church, I have come to realize that if you're not married, you're forgotten. There is ONE parish in the Tampa area with an active Young Adults group. There must be countless Catholic singles in the area who wish to meet and marry someone who shares our faith, but I'm not seeing too many of them here and certainly am not finding them at my parish or others I visit.

Due to rotating shift work, I am unable to lead such a group or attend regularly.

I have been alone for over a year now after moving to Tampa. The parish I attend has provided little consolation as I've fought career loss, isolation from my children (who live in a different state) due to inability find child care (rotating shift worker...), and trying to get a social life of sorts started. I've been invited to a local Baptist church (was Bapist before becoming Catholic last year) and grow very uneasy with the thought taking the person up on his invitation. Still, it seems as though I'll be wasting my time trying to find a spouse within the Catholic church.

Not sure what help I can offer other than to say there are many of us who lack a supporter--be it a spouse, significant other, etc., and must do everything alone. It is not okay that the Church has so little that helps those of us who are unmarried build community with others in our situation within the church. Social isolation is a very real problem for many people today.


Praying for you,

Michael

--hide--


I too have struggled with the church that I belong to, but where I live in California I have found that the parishes are a little mix and match. I love the Women's bible study and through them, I have realized that people like the bible study at our church, but the mass at another and the events at another. There is a parish a little south of me that has a job seeker's group on LinkedIN. There is another church that offers a networking event once a week. The churches offer what they think their parishners need. the singles in your parish may not be speaking up. You may not be able to lead a group because of your schedule, you may be able to tag-team with others to get a single's group started. You may have time to organize a monthly event that coinsides with your schedule. (if you organize something, you get to pick the date:)


I don't know what kinds of groups your parish offers, but I know that the bible study group I go to understands life. They would like people to be there at every get-together, they know that it doesn't always work that way and welcome everyone any time that they are able to come.

Apr 24th 2013 new

[quote]Meg-920823 said:

I generally enjoy doing things by myself unless I think about the potential of having a loved one with me... [quote]

I agree - although my profile temperament thing says I'm super outgoing and friendly, it's really only in groups where I have a certain comfort level already - or at least one perceived! I'm not one to initiate much, especially one-on-one. I'm more of the "organize a group of fellow interested persons" type, and then I belong!

Yeah. Not gonna think about it too much. But I've posted some options for gatherings among the Sacramento crowd under Member Meet-Ups in an effort to get a group going. (...see what I mean? laughing )

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