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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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Do you have those days?

Apr 23rd 2013 new

Anyone else feel like they are messing up as a parent and beat themselves up? Yes, I'm having one of those days. God did not plan on parents going it alone. rolling eyes This too shall pass, right?

Apr 23rd 2013 new
Dana, So sorry today is one of those days. You are right parenting wasn't meant to go it alone. However, even in a marriage, the parenting can end up being done alone. Not sure why you are single, but God must have figured that some people could manage parenting solo as he calls a parent home too soon. So, on those tough days, remember you are not alone, and you can handle whatever the kids throw you. Sometimes the bigger lesson is for them in problem solving and the lesson for the parent is stepping back. Easy for me to say, not easy to do, and I'm in one of those beating myself up phases. Remember the Serenity Prayer. Peace
Apr 23rd 2013 new

Nope, never. My kids always listen. Always respect me. Always appreciate what I do for them. Always love what I cook for them. I really could go on and on.

So I have NO idea what you are referring to.



laughing (yeah, right)

hug There are moments when things go well, when you actually have things figured out. That's the good news. The bad news is that those moments usually last about, oh, 30 seconds. I've been basically raising mine alone, since they were 2, 4 and 6. They're now 14, 16, and 18. And what a ride it's been. But it's all good, even when it's not.


And if your kids are upset with you, just know that that usually means you are doing something right.

Apr 23rd 2013 new

YES! I am really trying to listen to my girls- 15 and 13. Since my husband died 3 years ago and they have had varied level is of grief- and givng me grief!! PRAY with and over them - and it has helped. Also did reading by Heather Forbes, LCSW and her Beyond Consequences therapy. God Bless!

Apr 23rd 2013 new

(Quote) Dana-782979 said: Anyone else feel like they are messing up as a parent and beat themselves up? Yes, I'm having ...
(Quote) Dana-782979 said:

Anyone else feel like they are messing up as a parent and beat themselves up? Yes, I'm having one of those days. God did not plan on parents going it alone. This too shall pass, right?

--hide--
Raising children is a tough undertaking nowadays, whether it's with one parent or both. Obviously, being a single parent is tougher because you're trying to fulfill both parental roles, plus work, and manage the household. It's tiring, exhausting, and sometimes frustrating -- but the effort is worthwhile. Keep in mind the children do grow up and venture out on their own. That's when you can collapse on the sofa and take some extra naps.

All parents make mistakes, despite having seen and known a countless number of parents. Each household is unique, as is your relationship with your family. You do the best you can. If you mess up, you'll know you're normal. Comforting thought, isn't it? No need to beat yourself up -- just ponder what went wrong and why, with a firm resolve to handle things differently if the same situation should arise.

There are many single parents on here -- most of them (probably all of them) would relate well to your feelings. They've gone through it themselves.

Keep thinking: Tomorrow is a better day..... hug

Apr 23rd 2013 new

(Quote) Elizabeth-929069 said: Dana, So sorry today is one of those days. You are right parenting wasn't meant to go it alone. ...
(Quote) Elizabeth-929069 said: Dana, So sorry today is one of those days. You are right parenting wasn't meant to go it alone. However, even in a marriage, the parenting can end up being done alone. Not sure why you are single, but God must have figured that some people could manage parenting solo as he calls a parent home too soon. So, on those tough days, remember you are not alone, and you can handle whatever the kids throw you. Sometimes the bigger lesson is for them in problem solving and the lesson for the parent is stepping back. Easy for me to say, not easy to do, and I'm in one of those beating myself up phases. Remember the Serenity Prayer. Peace
--hide--
Ease up on yourself, Elizabeth. Remember you're doing a tough job and a very responsible one.

The Serenity Prayer is helpful; so is deep breathing. hug

Apr 23rd 2013 new

(Quote) Elizabeth-929069 said: Dana, So sorry today is one of those days. You are right parenting wasn't meant to go it alone. ...
(Quote) Elizabeth-929069 said: Dana, So sorry today is one of those days. You are right parenting wasn't meant to go it alone. However, even in a marriage, the parenting can end up being done alone. Not sure why you are single, but God must have figured that some people could manage parenting solo as he calls a parent home too soon. So, on those tough days, remember you are not alone, and you can handle whatever the kids throw you. Sometimes the bigger lesson is for them in problem solving and the lesson for the parent is stepping back. Easy for me to say, not easy to do, and I'm in one of those beating myself up phases. Remember the Serenity Prayer. Peace
--hide--


Elizabeth,

As soon as I start the Serenity Prayer, mind you silently to myself, my kids know the look and deep breathing and say "there she goes again with the Serenity Prayer." At least they know I'm praying, right? wink Praying

Apr 23rd 2013 new

Ray, I needed that encouragement. Thanks. By the way, is there such a thing as normal? laughing laughing laughing laughing

Apr 23rd 2013 new

(Quote) MaryBeth-902916 said: YES! I am really trying to listen to my girls- 15 and 13. Since my husband died 3 years ago an...
(Quote) MaryBeth-902916 said:

YES! I am really trying to listen to my girls- 15 and 13. Since my husband died 3 years ago and they have had varied level is of grief- and givng me grief!! PRAY with and over them - and it has helped. Also did reading by Heather Forbes, LCSW and her Beyond Consequences therapy. God Bless!

--hide--
My children are 16 and 9 and at very different stages since our divorce. sad Thanks for the information, I will have to look her up. God Bless and hang in there.

Apr 23rd 2013 new

(Quote) Dana-782979 said: Anyone else feel like they are messing up as a parent and beat themselves up? Yes, I'm having ...
(Quote) Dana-782979 said:

Anyone else feel like they are messing up as a parent and beat themselves up? Yes, I'm having one of those days. God did not plan on parents going it alone. This too shall pass, right?

--hide--


Every day is a new day. None of us are perfect. There is no such thing as super-mom. All we can do is the best that we can and pray for the strength to do better tomorrow.

I was having a particularly bad day a while back. I went to my bible study and we always close our bible study with talking about our prayers for the week. One woman was having struggles in her life and prayed for patience. Another woman woman suggested that she pray for wisdom so that she doesn't get herself into a situation where she needs patience. It really made a difference in my thinking.

I said it in another post, but I really believe that the secret to being a good parent, single or otherwise, is to take care of yourself first. While this goes against EVERYTHING we think we should do, you have to remember that you pass stress and unhappiness on to your kids no matter how hard you try not to. I try (don't always succeed, but try) to do something simple for me every week. Sometimes it's sitting at a coffee house and having something to drink. Some days it's sitting at the park or the beach with a book (that I've been reading for almost a year and will probably never finish). Rather than try to cram 10 more minutes of housework into my morning before I leave, I will leave early and sit in my car and either read or just close my eyes and pray for a few minutes.

Whatever your chalenges are, you can overcome them. One day at a time.





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