Funny you started this thread Jacqueline. I was JUST thinking about this the other day. I have "flipped" from one side to the other on this. I used to think "opposites" attracted. I NOW do not believe this. I think when there is commonality....such as beliefs, likes, ideas, hobbies and general interests....and yes, even personality type (with a few exceptions of course) the bonds between the two individuals are stronger. Hope it makes sense!~
I ask this as I think that it may be somewhat mixed as to alike in some ways makes for a good match, and different in some ways makes for a good match.
For example, I'm not so sure that I would do well with someone who has the same occupation as I do. We spend so much time with work that, if married to someone with the same occupation, the household might be non-stop shop talk. That would not be good with me, but it might be for someone else.
I will agree with you as far as commonality in values. But not the rest. Unnecessary, IMHO.
I was married for 18 years to someone whose hobbies, books, sports, etc., were polar opposites of mine. It was okay. We created our own set of interests and our own mutual goals...instead of doing "his" thing and "her" thing.
While I would love to meet someone who shares my interest in silent films and writing and camping...I will be very happy if he simply enjoys hearing me talking about them. And we'll build something together that will be extra enjoyable because we have built it together!
I'm not sure if you are replying to my initial post or to Jerry's. But please note that I asked that there be no agree/disagree. That is not the intention of this post. Rather, it is to gain a better perspective about the topic.
As far as personally, there are some definite hobbies of mine that I would hope to find someone who shares them.
You bring up a very good point that I did not mention previous. How time is spent is important. I think that it is the source of many conflicts in marriages.
I have noticed that some marriages do work better with opposite temperments. This seems to be, from my observation, if the individuals have polarized temperments, e.g., an extreme leader of people matched with a peacemaker individual. I'm not 100% sure, but I think that I like persons who have a temperment more similar than different from mine. I am a type-A temperment. Basically, it means that I am pretty much focused in everything that I do. Wasted time seems to be more frustrating to me than to many others.
They were only married 8 years, and Grandpa died. I can remember Granny saying "John's been gone 2 years, so I went and registered to vote again" I guess she waited 2 years as a memorial.
The point is I think a couple that loves each other can work out just one or two conflicts of interest, but have to have lots and lots of common ground
Yes, love could conquer all if the couple is motivated toward it. As far as politics, if one is a died-in-the-wool Republican or Democrat, and closely follows politics, this could be an extreme point of conflict in a marriage. But if they are light on their politics, then I think that it may work. One thing about politics, is that it also touches upon approach to the faith too, and that could also be a source of conflict.
I personally do not care about most of the incidentals; I have identified three or four major points of agreement that are essential for me to have a happy marriage. The rest is wide open to debate and a lifetime of discussion.
This is a good analogy. Thank-you Andrew. I guess we Catholics all want to get to heaven, and that would be our common destination.