(Quote) Reena-961146 said:
I'm not a parent (yet) and if this is God's will for me, I will gladly pick up that cross...
(Quote) Reena-961146 said:
I'm not a parent (yet) and if this is God's will for me, I will gladly pick up that cross . In all seriousness though, I do want to be a parent.
Anyway, my question is about "boundaries". How does one teach their child that a certain behavior is not acceptable? An example that comes to mind is , I have a friend who has a 3-year-old and she tells me that her child will pull her (mom) hair when she's not happy about something of if she doesn't get what she wants. Or the child would hit her. It is not my place to say anything to my friend but I just listened with a sympathetic ear but in my mind I was thinking " No way my mom would've allowed me to do that. She's old school, I would've gotten by butt-whooping". I don't think I ever did that but I could be wrong. Sorry for the rambling, but my question is : What would you do if your child does that? Positive reincforcement? Negative reinforcement? Just let it go and they'll grow out of it? Or something else?
Thank you and God bless you all
Each child is different. What works for one doesn't necessarily work for another one. I would recommend a book, called 1,2,3 Magic. I found it very helpful and it works very well even for young children, but the best part of the book is that it walks you through scenarios and what you can expect from your child based on their temperment.
The little one's behavior needs to be addressed and it needs to be addressed now or it will become a larger problem as the child gets older. I like the recommendation by Marge to step in and tell her that you don't treat your mom that way.
When my oldest was about two, he decided to throw himself down and throw a fit in his granddad's front yard. I didn't even think, I just yanked him up, swatted his backside and said we don't act that way. That was it, I never had another fit from him. My youngest could have tried the patience of Job. When she was five, she decided to throw an all out fit in the grocery store. I turned around and walked away. When she realized I had left, she stopped, came running after me, jumped in front of the cart and stopped it, then threw herself on the ground again, we did this several times on our way to the check out. Got her home, swatted her backside, as she had kicked the back of my seat all the way home, and put her in her room. Finally, she calmed down and we were able to sit down and talk about her behavior.
One of my nieces is the only girl and has four brothers. She is a whiner and it drives everyone crazy, especially her dad. So one day when we were all together, I took her aside and sat her down and said to her, that real women don't whine about what they want. They simply state their need or desire and their either get it or not, but they don't whine about it. (she's a teen). It had some impact because her behavior has greatly improved. Whenever she falls into the pattern around the family one of us older girls will say to her, "women don't whine." and she straightens up. Hard to break a habit of many years but eventually she will mature into it and she has good strong examples in the extended family. Her dad has a tendency to cave in to the whining, generally angry but caving none the less.
Children's job is to push the boundaries. The parent's job is to place them and monitor them.
Below are two links for 123 Magic, the first is a short you tube video describing it and the other is the official website. This was recommended to me by a friend who is also a child psychologist, in fact, he gave me his copy from his library. It may or may not work for your friend, but the information in the book I found invaluable regarding behavior modification. From the looks of the website, it has expanded quite a bit from the version I used twenty years ago, but it definitely was helpful.