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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

New Widow

May 6th 2013 new

sad I have been recently widowed, left with a 13 year old son and a hole in my heart the size of Alaska. My husband was my best friend on earth. He was so kind, gentle and funny, and we saw eye to eye on so much. I am in agony from losing him, to that rotton disease, cancer. I can't imagine it getting better somehow. I have never been alone in my entire life, never paid a bill, or taken care of the car, or anything like that. I'm just so scared and alone.

May 6th 2013 new

Dear Kerry,


My sincere sympathy to the loss of your husband. I also was a young widow at age 42 with three little kiddos. I have not remarried and my kiddos are all out of the nest. Please pray that God will provide you with the direction you will need to continue on in life and you will be comforted to know the inner strenght that you possess. You have a 13 year old that needs you so very much right now. God Bless. Joyce

May 6th 2013 new

Kerry I know you are terrified, but God is with you! Dont try to figure everything out at once. Make a list with 7 things on them and do one a day. Even if you just start doing one, like making an appointment with an insurance agent to change the info, or going to the Social Security office. God doesnt give us more than we can handle, but he sure pushes us to our limits sometimes. Breathe, pray and put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be healing and functioning. Find someone you can talk to, and start a journal. I wrote to my husband every night for 3 months and told him how sad, lost and angry I was at our fate. You will survive, and then you will thrive. God bless you

May 6th 2013 new

Thank you both so much. It is terrifying. I am trying to get things done, have accomplished going to Social Security and getting my son's benefits and mine going (my husband was disabled the last few years of his life), so we can manage the bills coming in. It's the nighttime that is so hard for me--and the weekends. I just cannot believe he won't be walking in the door, saying "See? I told you to quit worrying!" any minute now. I pray I will be able to see him again in Heaven. I know there are no marriages in heaven, but surely we will get to see our beloved spouses again, don't you think?

May 6th 2013 new

Kerry, I am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed away at the age of 41. He was so full of life and love. He was intelligent and my personal commedian. I could go on you know, he was my best friend. We did not have any live children, so I was left alone with my grief.

What I did and still have to do, is make lists. I forgot so much because my mind was and still is in some aspects overwhelmed with grief. It is normal. Don't push yourself too far at one time. Do what you can and it will all fall into place. Some women I have talked to say it took them 4 years to get back to "normal" again. Line up your bills when they come in to pay them on time. There may be a parishioner that could help with your situation. There are people just waiting and willing to help. They could help with jobs around the house, helping you with paperwork and finances and such. Plan on doing certain things that need to get done in a realistic time frame. And if they don't get done then there is always tomorrow. I know bills need attention, but everything else will be there. Perhaps some grief counseling for you and your sons may help. There are some good programs at local hospitals or at church.

Night time is the worst, I went through and still go through many sleepless nights. I could only read a little at a time for my attention span was short. So I watched T.V. It became my friend. I have found that Holy Water helps tremendously, I put it on and sometimes I go right to sleep. I would wake up alot but it still helped with the anxiety. And of course prayer. Just pray often. Even if you don't feel like it. Call someone when you need it, don't worry about what time of the night it is. They will understand. I didn't do that enough. Get out and be with people when you can. And if you can go back to work go part time at first. Don't rush anything. And if you are out and feel anxious just politely excuse yourself and go home.

I used to think my husband was going to come around the corner and say~~just kidding! I visit the cemetary when I can and of course cry alot. Go to Jesus in the Eucharist whenever you can, He is there waiting for you and He will see you through this very hard time. And we are here for you. There are some sweet, intelligent and giving people here at CM. Take care, God bless Praying hug theheart rose

May 6th 2013 new

How kind of you, Jane. Thank you so much for all the good advice and sharing of your own loss. My prayers are with you as well.

May 7th 2013 new

Dear Kerry, I am so sorry for your loss. I have been a widow for 4 years, and I remember that scared feeling. I will pray for you as I pray for all widows and widowers on this site. May God comfort and guide you and your son. Please know we are all here for you. Praying rosary

May 7th 2013 new

My husband died of cancer more than 14 years ago. I had five kids, ages 2-13. I not only remember feeling as you do now, but I still feel that way sometimes. What scares me most is that I still don't know where I fit in or what I'm supposed to do with my life.

YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT! But you will get through it a day at a time or even an hour at a time.

If I may offer advice: Look at CM as a place to make new friends (of both sexes) who can help you discover who you are now. DO NOT look at it as a place to find new love, because until you know who you are as "Miss Kerry" and not "Mrs. X" you are not ready to commit to someone new.

May 7th 2013 new

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KERRY! Be good to yourself today! Praying Happy Birthday! rose hug lil mikie hyper heartbeat party note

May 7th 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: My husband died of cancer more than 14 years ago. I had five kids, ages 2-13. I not only remember...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

My husband died of cancer more than 14 years ago. I had five kids, ages 2-13. I not only remember feeling as you do now, but I still feel that way sometimes. What scares me most is that I still don't know where I fit in or what I'm supposed to do with my life.

YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT! But you will get through it a day at a time or even an hour at a time.

If I may offer advice: Look at CM as a place to make new friends (of both sexes) who can help you discover who you are now. DO NOT look at it as a place to find new love, because until you know who you are as "Miss Kerry" and not "Mrs. X" you are not ready to commit to someone new.

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Great advice! CM should be her support source, not a means to find a new love. She needs to give herself the gift of time and her faith in god to help her help herself through this most difficult time. Amen

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