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Something to think about

May 8th 2013 new
This is something related to what I posted in the men's room, but I think now is a fair time to bring it out for discussion to both genders.

It seems that every other week or so, we get some new thread about "What women deserve" or "chivalry" or similar topics. Notice that the focus on these topics is always the women....what the women can expect from the men. Now, I think is a fair time to put out the question:

Ladies, what can you offer the gentleman?

Notice, I did not say, "what can you do that would encourage the guys to be nice to you more " or "what can you do to show appreciation for what the guy did for you". No, what can you do out of genuine love? Let's not turn this into another "thank the guys for holding doors", yada, yada, thing.

What type of man do you seek? And are you worthy of such a man?

I do not mind holding doors for women (or men or children). But to base your decision to date someone based on these things sounds to me a little.....selfish?
May 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Paul-302787 said: This is something related to what I posted in the men's room, but I think now is a fair time to bring...
(Quote) Paul-302787 said: This is something related to what I posted in the men's room, but I think now is a fair time to bring it out for discussion to both genders.

It seems that every other week or so, we get some new thread about "What women deserve" or "chivalry" or similar topics. Notice that the focus on these topics is always the women....what the women can expect from the men. Now, I think is a fair time to put out the question:

Ladies, what can you offer the gentleman?

Notice, I did not say, "what can you do that would encourage the guys to be nice to you more " or "what can you do to show appreciation for what the guy did for you". No, what can you do out of genuine love? Let's not turn this into another "thank the guys for holding doors", yada, yada, thing.

What type of man do you seek? And are you worthy of such a man?

I do not mind holding doors for women (or men or children). But to base your decision to date someone based on these things sounds to me a little.....selfish?
--hide--
Paul, my brother to the south.....I see your some of your point...but the "Chivalry" thread is not confined to just men doing for women. There ARE instances cited where the ladies have been courteous and opened doors for men. Besides MANNERS are displayed by both.

Sorry, I am getting the thread off track....please forgive!

May 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Paul-302787 said: This is something related to what I posted in the men's room, but I think now is a fair time to bring...
(Quote) Paul-302787 said: This is something related to what I posted in the men's room, but I think now is a fair time to bring it out for discussion to both genders.

It seems that every other week or so, we get some new thread about "What women deserve" or "chivalry" or similar topics. Notice that the focus on these topics is always the women....what the women can expect from the men. Now, I think is a fair time to put out the question:

Ladies, what can you offer the gentleman?

Notice, I did not say, "what can you do that would encourage the guys to be nice to you more " or "what can you do to show appreciation for what the guy did for you". No, what can you do out of genuine love? Let's not turn this into another "thank the guys for holding doors", yada, yada, thing.

What type of man do you seek? And are you worthy of such a man?

I do not mind holding doors for women (or men or children). But to base your decision to date someone based on these things sounds to me a little.....selfish?
--hide--

Paul,

This is a wonderful topic and should be addressed as well. Speaking for me - and I know many of these are as if in a relationship, but that's what I know, and ultimately the part everyone hopes to experience. I think as well, that it describes the type of man I'd like to have, someone who works hard for his family, someone who can play, someone who is present to me and sees me when the world does not, someone who is kind and engaged with the world, someone who cherishes me for me, not just because I am a female and its the gentlemanly thing to do.

Am I deserving of this type of man? When I was younger I wouldn't have known how to answer this. I would have said, I hope so, or probably not, I'm not too special. But, I'm older now and I know who I am and what I have to offer and I know how to love. So yes, I am deserving of a man who loves me and shows that in his actions as well as his words. I have a fine mind, a strong heart, a good will and a definite passion for the welfare of others and a deep faith that guides my thoughts and actions towards others. So what can I promise to bring to the table:

1. You can expect that I appreciate your hard work and respect it without complaining, as I know you work hard for your family. If I think you're lines are blurring, you should expect that I would come to you and say, either that I really need you to be with me for this or that can you arrange your work around that, or that I think you are a little out of balance here and we really need you to be present to us a bit more.

2. That I will always try to be kind in my words and actions.

3. That I will touch you a lot, not mauling you, but I will let my fingers run across your shoulders when I pass you going to another room. I will hug you or curl into you when you're standing in the kitchen or hallway. I'll snuggle against you on the sofa and hold your hand in the car.

4. I will always greet and part from you with a hug and kiss and a smile.

5. I will see you, the part the world overlooks and other people don't bother to notice and I will guard that you protectively and cherish that you, engage with that you, nurture and nourish that you to the best of my abilities.

6. I will listen to you talk about your work for hours on end, because I know it is part of your identity and a large part of your world.

7. I will cook for you and make dishes I know you enjoy. Even better I will cook with you and try new things.

8. I will be warm and welcoming, maybe even meet you at the driveway when you come home from work.

9. I will try very hard not to chase you if you are headed to your mancave for some private time with your thoughs.

10. I will never go through your wallet or personal things without permission or without a grave and serious need.

11. I will pray for you daily.

12. I will put care for you above my own wants and try very hard to identify when you might need something to make you feel loved and appreciated.

13. I will laugh with you.

14. I will tease you.

15. I will banter with you.

16. I don't care what way the roll of toilet paper goes on, but I would appreciate that seat put down at least during the night.

17. I'll help or at least keep you company during a project.

18. I will write you notes or letters, sometimes to let you know something bothered me but most often to let you know I love you.

19. I will try to make our home a place of sanctuary.

20. I will try to be home for you, so that in my presence you feel both peace and love.

21. I will let you know when you have done something I think is hurtful or wrong but do so without disaparaging comments.

22. I will encourage you in your faith journey and the practice of our shared faith as I hope you would do the same for me.

23. I will hurt when you hurt.

24. I will hold you tight when you lose someone you love and love you through the grief process.

25. I will try to be appreciative of the small things as well as the large things.

26. I will listen to your stories from your past, your hopes, your fears, your dreams and nightmares without judgment.

27. I will play with you -- cards, puttputt golf, water fights in the summer and snowball fights in the winter. And, yes I will probably talk a little smack ;-).

28. If I have offended you or hurt you in some way, I will ask your forgiveness and endeavor not to do so again.

29. Somedays I might talk your ear off.

30. Somedays I will just be there with you :-)

Is that sort of what you had in mind, Paul?

May 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Paul-302787 said: This is something related to what I posted in the men's room, but I think now is a fair time to bring...
(Quote) Paul-302787 said: This is something related to what I posted in the men's room, but I think now is a fair time to bring it out for discussion to both genders.

It seems that every other week or so, we get some new thread about "What women deserve" or "chivalry" or similar topics. Notice that the focus on these topics is always the women....what the women can expect from the men. Now, I think is a fair time to put out the question:

Ladies, what can you offer the gentleman?

Notice, I did not say, "what can you do that would encourage the guys to be nice to you more " or "what can you do to show appreciation for what the guy did for you". No, what can you do out of genuine love? Let's not turn this into another "thank the guys for holding doors", yada, yada, thing.

What type of man do you seek? And are you worthy of such a man?

I do not mind holding doors for women (or men or children). But to base your decision to date someone based on these things sounds to me a little.....selfish?
--hide--
Paul, you speak of certain actions as being "chivalrous". Aren't they just plain good manners? Being courteous isn't out of style, although from what we see, we might think that has happened.

If you now focus upon the men, isn't that going to seem a bit selfish?

Ultimately it comes down to (for both genders) teamwork and commitment. The rest will fall into place with those two qualities.

May 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Lauren-927923 said: Paul, This is a wonderful topic and should be addressed as well. Speaking for me...
(Quote) Lauren-927923 said:

Paul,

This is a wonderful topic and should be addressed as well. Speaking for me - and I know many of these are as if in a relationship, but that's what I know, and ultimately the part everyone hopes to experience. I think as well, that it describes the type of man I'd like to have, someone who works hard for his family, someone who can play, someone who is present to me and sees me when the world does not, someone who is kind and engaged with the world, someone who cherishes me for me, not just because I am a female and its the gentlemanly thing to do.

Am I deserving of this type of man? When I was younger I wouldn't have known how to answer this. I would have said, I hope so, or probably not, I'm not too special. But, I'm older now and I know who I am and what I have to offer and I know how to love. So yes, I am deserving of a man who loves me and shows that in his actions as well as his words. I have a fine mind, a strong heart, a good will and a definite passion for the welfare of others and a deep faith that guides my thoughts and actions towards others. So what can I promise to bring to the table:

1. You can expect that I appreciate your hard work and respect it without complaining, as I know you work hard for your family. If I think you're lines are blurring, you should expect that I would come to you and say, either that I really need you to be with me for this or that can you arrange your work around that, or that I think you are a little out of balance here and we really need you to be present to us a bit more.

2. That I will always try to be kind in my words and actions.

3. That I will touch you a lot, not mauling you, but I will let my fingers run across your shoulders when I pass you going to another room. I will hug you or curl into you when you're standing in the kitchen or hallway. I'll snuggle against you on the sofa and hold your hand in the car.

4. I will always greet and part from you with a hug and kiss and a smile.

5. I will see you, the part the world overlooks and other people don't bother to notice and I will guard that you protectively and cherish that you, engage with that you, nurture and nourish that you to the best of my abilities.

6. I will listen to you talk about your work for hours on end, because I know it is part of your identity and a large part of your world.

7. I will cook for you and make dishes I know you enjoy. Even better I will cook with you and try new things.

8. I will be warm and welcoming, maybe even meet you at the driveway when you come home from work.

9. I will try very hard not to chase you if you are headed to your mancave for some private time with your thoughs.

10. I will never go through your wallet or personal things without permission or without a grave and serious need.

11. I will pray for you daily.

12. I will put care for you above my own wants and try very hard to identify when you might need something to make you feel loved and appreciated.

13. I will laugh with you.

14. I will tease you.

15. I will banter with you.

16. I don't care what way the roll of toilet paper goes on, but I would appreciate that seat put down at least during the night.

17. I'll help or at least keep you company during a project.

18. I will write you notes or letters, sometimes to let you know something bothered me but most often to let you know I love you.

19. I will try to make our home a place of sanctuary.

20. I will try to be home for you, so that in my presence you feel both peace and love.

21. I will let you know when you have done something I think is hurtful or wrong but do so without disaparaging comments.

22. I will encourage you in your faith journey and the practice of our shared faith as I hope you would do the same for me.

23. I will hurt when you hurt.

24. I will hold you tight when you lose someone you love and love you through the grief process.

25. I will try to be appreciative of the small things as well as the large things.

26. I will listen to your stories from your past, your hopes, your fears, your dreams and nightmares without judgment.

27. I will play with you -- cards, puttputt golf, water fights in the summer and snowball fights in the winter. And, yes I will probably talk a little smack ;-).

28. If I have offended you or hurt you in some way, I will ask your forgiveness and endeavor not to do so again.

29. Somedays I might talk your ear off.

30. Somedays I will just be there with you :-)

Is that sort of what you had in mind, Paul?

--hide--
Wow!!!! clap clap clap

May 8th 2013 new

hug

(Quote) Lauren-927923 said: Paul, This is a wonderful topic and should be addressed as well. Speaking for me...
(Quote) Lauren-927923 said:

Paul,

This is a wonderful topic and should be addressed as well. Speaking for me - and I know many of these are as if in a relationship, but that's what I know, and ultimately the part everyone hopes to experience. I think as well, that it describes the type of man I'd like to have, someone who works hard for his family, someone who can play, someone who is present to me and sees me when the world does not, someone who is kind and engaged with the world, someone who cherishes me for me, not just because I am a female and its the gentlemanly thing to do.

Am I deserving of this type of man? When I was younger I wouldn't have known how to answer this. I would have said, I hope so, or probably not, I'm not too special. But, I'm older now and I know who I am and what I have to offer and I know how to love. So yes, I am deserving of a man who loves me and shows that in his actions as well as his words. I have a fine mind, a strong heart, a good will and a definite passion for the welfare of others and a deep faith that guides my thoughts and actions towards others. So what can I promise to bring to the table:

1. You can expect that I appreciate your hard work and respect it without complaining, as I know you work hard for your family. If I think you're lines are blurring, you should expect that I would come to you and say, either that I really need you to be with me for this or that can you arrange your work around that, or that I think you are a little out of balance here and we really need you to be present to us a bit more.

2. That I will always try to be kind in my words and actions.

3. That I will touch you a lot, not mauling you, but I will let my fingers run across your shoulders when I pass you going to another room. I will hug you or curl into you when you're standing in the kitchen or hallway. I'll snuggle against you on the sofa and hold your hand in the car.

4. I will always greet and part from you with a hug and kiss and a smile.

5. I will see you, the part the world overlooks and other people don't bother to notice and I will guard that you protectively and cherish that you, engage with that you, nurture and nourish that you to the best of my abilities.

6. I will listen to you talk about your work for hours on end, because I know it is part of your identity and a large part of your world.

7. I will cook for you and make dishes I know you enjoy. Even better I will cook with you and try new things.

8. I will be warm and welcoming, maybe even meet you at the driveway when you come home from work.

9. I will try very hard not to chase you if you are headed to your mancave for some private time with your thoughs.

10. I will never go through your wallet or personal things without permission or without a grave and serious need.

11. I will pray for you daily.

12. I will put care for you above my own wants and try very hard to identify when you might need something to make you feel loved and appreciated.

13. I will laugh with you.

14. I will tease you.

15. I will banter with you.

16. I don't care what way the roll of toilet paper goes on, but I would appreciate that seat put down at least during the night.

17. I'll help or at least keep you company during a project.

18. I will write you notes or letters, sometimes to let you know something bothered me but most often to let you know I love you.

19. I will try to make our home a place of sanctuary.

20. I will try to be home for you, so that in my presence you feel both peace and love.

21. I will let you know when you have done something I think is hurtful or wrong but do so without disaparaging comments.

22. I will encourage you in your faith journey and the practice of our shared faith as I hope you would do the same for me.

23. I will hurt when you hurt.

24. I will hold you tight when you lose someone you love and love you through the grief process.

25. I will try to be appreciative of the small things as well as the large things.

26. I will listen to your stories from your past, your hopes, your fears, your dreams and nightmares without judgment.

27. I will play with you -- cards, puttputt golf, water fights in the summer and snowball fights in the winter. And, yes I will probably talk a little smack ;-).

28. If I have offended you or hurt you in some way, I will ask your forgiveness and endeavor not to do so again.

29. Somedays I might talk your ear off.

30. Somedays I will just be there with you :-)

Is that sort of what you had in mind, Paul?

--hide--
clap clap hug Outstanding, Lauren! I concurr, and pray that God brings you a wonderful mate again.

May 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Lauren-927923 said: Paul, This is a wonderful topic and should be addressed as well. Speaking for me - and I ...
(Quote) Lauren-927923 said:

Paul,

This is a wonderful topic and should be addressed as well. Speaking for me - and I know many of these are as if in a relationship, but that's what I know, and ultimately the part everyone hopes to experience. I think as well, that it describes the type of man I'd like to have, someone who works hard for his family, someone who can play, someone who is present to me and sees me when the world does not, someone who is kind and engaged with the world, someone who cherishes me for me, not just because I am a female and its the gentlemanly thing to do.

Am I deserving of this type of man? When I was younger I wouldn't have known how to answer this. I would have said, I hope so, or probably not, I'm not too special. But, I'm older now and I know who I am and what I have to offer and I know how to love. So yes, I am deserving of a man who loves me and shows that in his actions as well as his words. I have a fine mind, a strong heart, a good will and a definite passion for the welfare of others and a deep faith that guides my thoughts and actions towards others. So what can I promise to bring to the table:

1. You can expect that I appreciate your hard work and respect it without complaining, as I know you work hard for your family. If I think you're lines are blurring, you should expect that I would come to you and say, either that I really need you to be with me for this or that can you arrange your work around that, or that I think you are a little out of balance here and we really need you to be present to us a bit more.

2. That I will always try to be kind in my words and actions.

3. That I will touch you a lot, not mauling you, but I will let my fingers run across your shoulders when I pass you going to another room. I will hug you or curl into you when you're standing in the kitchen or hallway. I'll snuggle against you on the sofa and hold your hand in the car.

4. I will always greet and part from you with a hug and kiss and a smile.

5. I will see you, the part the world overlooks and other people don't bother to notice and I will guard that you protectively and cherish that you, engage with that you, nurture and nourish that you to the best of my abilities.

6. I will listen to you talk about your work for hours on end, because I know it is part of your identity and a large part of your world.

7. I will cook for you and make dishes I know you enjoy. Even better I will cook with you and try new things.

8. I will be warm and welcoming, maybe even meet you at the driveway when you come home from work.

9. I will try very hard not to chase you if you are headed to your mancave for some private time with your thoughs.

10. I will never go through your wallet or personal things without permission or without a grave and serious need.

11. I will pray for you daily.

12. I will put care for you above my own wants and try very hard to identify when you might need something to make you feel loved and appreciated.

13. I will laugh with you.

14. I will tease you.

15. I will banter with you.

16. I don't care what way the roll of toilet paper goes on, but I would appreciate that seat put down at least during the night.

17. I'll help or at least keep you company during a project.

18. I will write you notes or letters, sometimes to let you know something bothered me but most often to let you know I love you.

19. I will try to make our home a place of sanctuary.

20. I will try to be home for you, so that in my presence you feel both peace and love.

21. I will let you know when you have done something I think is hurtful or wrong but do so without disaparaging comments.

22. I will encourage you in your faith journey and the practice of our shared faith as I hope you would do the same for me.

23. I will hurt when you hurt.

24. I will hold you tight when you lose someone you love and love you through the grief process.

25. I will try to be appreciative of the small things as well as the large things.

26. I will listen to your stories from your past, your hopes, your fears, your dreams and nightmares without judgment.

27. I will play with you -- cards, puttputt golf, water fights in the summer and snowball fights in the winter. And, yes I will probably talk a little smack ;-).

28. If I have offended you or hurt you in some way, I will ask your forgiveness and endeavor not to do so again.

29. Somedays I might talk your ear off.

30. Somedays I will just be there with you :-)

Is that sort of what you had in mind, Paul?

--hide--


Lauren, this was a wonderful, very detailed response. I could second everything that you listed. clap Bow rose thumbsup

May 8th 2013 new
Lauren, that was beautiful. My hat is off to you but I want eat it!

Eileen
May 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Lauren-927923 said: Paul, This is a wonderful topic and should be addressed as well. Speaking for me...
(Quote) Lauren-927923 said:

Paul,

This is a wonderful topic and should be addressed as well. Speaking for me - and I know many of these are as if in a relationship, but that's what I know, and ultimately the part everyone hopes to experience. I think as well, that it describes the type of man I'd like to have, someone who works hard for his family, someone who can play, someone who is present to me and sees me when the world does not, someone who is kind and engaged with the world, someone who cherishes me for me, not just because I am a female and its the gentlemanly thing to do.

Am I deserving of this type of man? When I was younger I wouldn't have known how to answer this. I would have said, I hope so, or probably not, I'm not too special. But, I'm older now and I know who I am and what I have to offer and I know how to love. So yes, I am deserving of a man who loves me and shows that in his actions as well as his words. I have a fine mind, a strong heart, a good will and a definite passion for the welfare of others and a deep faith that guides my thoughts and actions towards others. So what can I promise to bring to the table:

1. You can expect that I appreciate your hard work and respect it without complaining, as I know you work hard for your family. If I think you're lines are blurring, you should expect that I would come to you and say, either that I really need you to be with me for this or that can you arrange your work around that, or that I think you are a little out of balance here and we really need you to be present to us a bit more.

2. That I will always try to be kind in my words and actions.

3. That I will touch you a lot, not mauling you, but I will let my fingers run across your shoulders when I pass you going to another room. I will hug you or curl into you when you're standing in the kitchen or hallway. I'll snuggle against you on the sofa and hold your hand in the car.

4. I will always greet and part from you with a hug and kiss and a smile.

5. I will see you, the part the world overlooks and other people don't bother to notice and I will guard that you protectively and cherish that you, engage with that you, nurture and nourish that you to the best of my abilities.

6. I will listen to you talk about your work for hours on end, because I know it is part of your identity and a large part of your world.

7. I will cook for you and make dishes I know you enjoy. Even better I will cook with you and try new things.

8. I will be warm and welcoming, maybe even meet you at the driveway when you come home from work.

9. I will try very hard not to chase you if you are headed to your mancave for some private time with your thoughs.

10. I will never go through your wallet or personal things without permission or without a grave and serious need.

11. I will pray for you daily.

12. I will put care for you above my own wants and try very hard to identify when you might need something to make you feel loved and appreciated.

13. I will laugh with you.

14. I will tease you.

15. I will banter with you.

16. I don't care what way the roll of toilet paper goes on, but I would appreciate that seat put down at least during the night.

17. I'll help or at least keep you company during a project.

18. I will write you notes or letters, sometimes to let you know something bothered me but most often to let you know I love you.

19. I will try to make our home a place of sanctuary.

20. I will try to be home for you, so that in my presence you feel both peace and love.

21. I will let you know when you have done something I think is hurtful or wrong but do so without disaparaging comments.

22. I will encourage you in your faith journey and the practice of our shared faith as I hope you would do the same for me.

23. I will hurt when you hurt.

24. I will hold you tight when you lose someone you love and love you through the grief process.

25. I will try to be appreciative of the small things as well as the large things.

26. I will listen to your stories from your past, your hopes, your fears, your dreams and nightmares without judgment.

27. I will play with you -- cards, puttputt golf, water fights in the summer and snowball fights in the winter. And, yes I will probably talk a little smack ;-).

28. If I have offended you or hurt you in some way, I will ask your forgiveness and endeavor not to do so again.

29. Somedays I might talk your ear off.

30. Somedays I will just be there with you :-)

Is that sort of what you had in mind, Paul?

--hide--

wow Lauren!!!! I don't think anyone could top this beautiful list. I have nothing I could add. God bless you

May 8th 2013 new

clap clap clap Bow Bow Bow

Personally, I'm sick of the attitude (and you read it in every women's magazine) that the woman is a "prize to be won". lady's handkerchief

A good man is a prize to be won, also, and should be treated as such with kindness, charity, generosity, and patience. angel

I'm sure the other ladies who have lost a good man will say the same.


soapbox

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