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A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

May 8th 2013 new
(Quote) Shara-929649 said: I see nothing wrong in a man saying that if it is important to him and IF he is living out that...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:



I see nothing wrong in a man saying that if it is important to him and IF he is living out that value or at least trying to. If he is not then it is ridiculous that he would hold a woman to a higher standard than he has for himself and would signal to me that he has a low self-esteem, is unrealistic or just plain crazy. None of these are attractive qualities. I have seen a few of these men on here and it almost as amusing as it is sad. Thankfully they are the minority.



Personally while I am not perfect at it, ( far from it) I think that it is truly important to take good care of yourself physical fitness-wise and hygiene-wise. Fr. Marty always says in his counsel to me that we should see care of self as a form of thankgiving to God for the gift of our bodies and also as a recognition that our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. It is easy to not take care of yourself so it is a form of self-denial and mortification to do the opposite and care for yourself. Therefore we should see care for ourselves as a form of prayer and a way of pleasing God by going against our natural will and bending it towards God.



He also said that as children of God we have a royal legacy since we are children of a king. That we should therefore also dress and act in a way befitting that position. That in the same way that when we see someone dressed nicely we automatically think that this person is important, that we act and dress as someone important because we are. No human rank or success can ever outshine the legacy of being made in the image and likeness of God.



We should do all this, not in a manner to call attention to ourselves or to be boastful but as a gift of ourselves to God and in recognition of the fact that he has created us second only to Him and higher than even the angels. We should therefore thank Him and act in a way that shows Him that we recognize the gift that He has given us in creating us in His likeness.



Living out that value is therefore important to me and standard that I want to live up too. I therefore want a man who thinks like that because I need support in living out that value and it is easier to do it if your life partner is committed to it as well. I know that I am not disciplined enough to stick to it if I am married to a man lax about this value. I also live a very active lifestyle with my kids and we need someone who can keep up.



I know that it is a sensitive topic for many people as we are always most sensitive about our weaknesses and areas that we know that we need to work on. I think that while we don't have ot fit the mold of society's standard of beauty, that we should all strive to move towards health and healthy habits. It is also important to pass those values on to our kids.



So basically if a man is requesting it for the right reasons there is not an issue but if it is just because he has some unrealistic pipe-dream of being with a super model then it may be a red flag. That being said I know one such man who put it in his profile as a way of weeding out and he is no where close to being as rigid or as superficial as his profile sounds. He just figured that it would cut out the people who were living unhealthy lifestyles. It is the same way that some women have said that they put in their profile that they are willful and that if a man can't accept that he need not contact them. We all have some way of narrowing down our pool.

--hide--


Shara, you expressed it all very well and, as you said, we all have some way of narrowing down our pool. We are all entitled to our preferences. If we all desired exactly the same type of partner, we would have a problem. smile
May 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Meg-920823 said: Shara, you expressed it all very well and, as you said, we all have some way of narrowing down our...
(Quote) Meg-920823 said:

Shara, you expressed it all very well and, as you said, we all have some way of narrowing down our pool. We are all entitled to our preferences. If we all desired exactly the same type of partner, we would have a problem.
--hide--

Thank you Meg. I admire you so very much as an example of a woman of God so this is a very nice and welcome compliment.

May 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Maria-952927 said: My aunt was the one who pointed out to me that some men mention in their Ideal Match paragraph th...
(Quote) Maria-952927 said:

My aunt was the one who pointed out to me that some men mention in their Ideal Match paragraph that they'd like their partner to be "physically fit". I've never seen that listed until tonight. I had a guy view me, so in all curiosity, I viewed back and started reading through his profile...until I saw "I'd like my partner to be physically fit." Hey. To each his own, as the saying goes, but why are you going to be so picky? When I read that, I saw this guy in a different light...and it's wasn't a flattering one. You could have a great connection with anyone on this site, and if you say no because they're not physically fit enough for you, then you're throwing away potential friendships, relationships, or your possible spouse. If the connection is there, the appearance shouldn't matter. My opinion. I'm curious as to how others are going to reply.

--hide--


I've seen the same things on women's profiles and to me it makes them more attractive since I know that they feel being healthy is important Coffee

May 9th 2013 new
(Quote) Shara-929649 said: Thank you Meg. I admire you so very much as an example of a woman of God so this is a very nice...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:



Thank you Meg. I admire you so very much as an example of a woman of God so this is a very nice and welcome compliment.

--hide--


hug biggrin
May 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Matt-61677 said: It's tough. Guys do have an idea of what the "perfect woman" looks like. I remember i...
(Quote) Matt-61677 said:

It's tough. Guys do have an idea of what the "perfect woman" looks like. I remember in a dance class meeting this woman who was my exact ideal of feminine beauty. After two minutes of her acting stuck up I realized that I was not in the least bit interested!

I think it's also imprtant to know that few guys ever marry the woman who is their idea of feminine beauty, but after awhile she becomes the most beautiful women in their world. As men we should do a better job being clearer about what "physically fit" or any other physical description means, especially making sure that women know we aren't looking for perfection.

Ladies, from your end please remember that guys are visual creatures- our first method of sorting out who we are going to ask is your looks. Online it's less easy, but if you inculde pictures of you doing fun things so that you personality shows through then that will overcome the fact that you might not be his ideal. Guys will go for a "less attractive" looking girl who shows visible signs of being fun to be around over a more attractive women who looks hard to please. What I am saying is that good looks will get you to the front of a guy's line, but they won't keep you there very long! Also, different guys like different kinds of feminine beauty. So even if you don't fit the ideal, it doesn't mean that you should hide who you are. The guy that God meant for you is going to love you not despite your body, but because of your body and your spirit. So don't hide! You are beautiful!

--hide--


I have to say, I kinda agree with Matt here. Guys are visual, but they aren't only visual. Women aren't as visual, but they can be. I am. Someone I went out with recently was not my physical ideal....but was so funny, sweet, creative etc...that he became beautiful in my eyes. I am bit of a gym bunny, I like to destress and workout any frustrations, or just for the high of running etc. (Also the trucker-like appetite that must be contained!) That said, I never pressured him to workout, yet he felt, in his words, "inspired" to get more fit. I left that part up to him.

Also, trust me when I say that a really attractive guy will get to the head of the line, but not stay there if the only relationship he wants is with himself!

In Christ,

Leyden

May 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Maria-952927 said: My aunt was the one who pointed out to me that some men mention in their Ideal Match paragraph th...
(Quote) Maria-952927 said:

My aunt was the one who pointed out to me that some men mention in their Ideal Match paragraph that they'd like their partner to be "physically fit". I've never seen that listed until tonight. I had a guy view me, so in all curiosity, I viewed back and started reading through his profile...until I saw "I'd like my partner to be physically fit." Hey. To each his own, as the saying goes, but why are you going to be so picky? When I read that, I saw this guy in a different light...and it's wasn't a flattering one. You could have a great connection with anyone on this site, and if you say no because they're not physically fit enough for you, then you're throwing away potential friendships, relationships, or your possible spouse. If the connection is there, the appearance shouldn't matter. My opinion. I'm curious as to how others are going to reply.

--hide--


Hi Maria,

You aren't wrong when you say that it can change how you view them. However I imagine we all limit our experiences on CM according to our ideal. Then I suspect, after some frustration, broaden our interests. I don't know if there is a difference between saying "i'd like a partner who is physically fit" and saying "i'd like someone creative" or searching only caucasian, or latino men/women etc. It seems that in all cases we are trying to communicate, even if only by filtering our searches, our interests for someone to match.

In Christ,

Leyden

May 9th 2013 new
Leyden, your comments make a lot of sense to me
May 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: Not the same thing.Physical fitness WILL go...sooner or later. Maybe he's a couch potato ...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

Not the same thing.
Physical fitness WILL go...sooner or later. Maybe he's a couch potato at 55, maybe not until 90. But it will go.
Hygiene need never go until he's in assisted living.

--hide--
Physical fitness is an acquired state, as is personal hygiene. Neither will go until one stop the maintenance. Why would age be a absolute hindrance for keeping oneself fit? Sure one can't run as a ten year old at age seventy. But one can still compensate for that by doing something else. Walking, swimming, gardening... whatever that is physically demanding. Our body is designed for physical activity and requires it in order to function properly. Any advantages in visual appearance is just a bonus.

May 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: I see nothing wrong in a man saying that if it is important to him and IF he is living o...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

I see nothing wrong in a man saying that if it is important to him and IF he is living out that value or at least trying to. If he is not then it is ridiculous that he would hold a woman to a higher standard than he has for himself and would signal to me that he has a low self-esteem, is unrealistic or just plain crazy. None of these are attractive qualities. I have seen a few of these men on here and it almost as amusing as it is sad. Thankfully they are the minority.

Personally while I am not perfect at it, ( far from it) I think that it is truly important to take good care of yourself physical fitness-wise and hygiene-wise. Fr. Marty always says in his counsel to me that we should see care of self as a form of thankgiving to God for the gift of our bodies and also as a recognition that our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. It is easy to not take care of yourself so it is a form of self-denial and mortification to do the opposite and care for yourself. Therefore we should see care for ourselves as a form of prayer and a way of pleasing God by going against our natural will and bending it towards God.

He also said that as children of God we have a royal legacy since we are children of a king. That we should therefore also dress and act in a way befitting that position. That in the same way that when we see someone dressed nicely we automatically think that this person is important, that we act and dress as someone important because we are. No human rank or success can ever outshine the legacy of being made in the image and likeness of God.

We should do all this, not in a manner to call attention to ourselves or to be boastful but as a gift of ourselves to God and in recognition of the fact that he has created us second only to Him and higher than even the angels. We should therefore thank Him and act in a way that shows Him that we recognize the gift that He has given us in creating us in His likeness.

Living out that value is therefore important to me and standard that I want to live up too. I therefore want a man who thinks like that because I need support in living out that value and it is easier to do it if your life partner is committed to it as well. I know that I am not disciplined enough to stick to it if I am married to a man lax about this value. I also live a very active lifestyle with my kids and we need someone who can keep up.

I know that it is a sensitive topic for many people as we are always most sensitive about our weaknesses and areas that we know that we need to work on. I think that while we don't have ot fit the mold of society's standard of beauty, that we should all strive to move towards health and healthy habits. It is also important to pass those values on to our kids.

So basically if a man is requesting it for the right reasons there is not an issue but if it is just because he has some unrealistic pipe-dream of being with a super model then it may be a red flag. That being said I know one such man who put it in his profile as a way of weeding out and he is no where close to being as rigid or as superficial as his profile sounds. He just figured that it would cut out the people who were living unhealthy lifestyles. It is the same way that some women have said that they put in their profile that they are willful and that if a man can't accept that he need not contact them. We all have some way of narrowing down our pool.

--hide--
You do have a way with words. smile

May 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Leyden-904885 said: I have to say, I kinda agree with Matt here. Guys are visual, but they aren't o...
(Quote) Leyden-904885 said:


I have to say, I kinda agree with Matt here. Guys are visual, but they aren't only visual. Women aren't as visual, but they can be. I am. Someone I went out with recently was not my physical ideal....but was so funny, sweet, creative etc...that he became beautiful in my eyes. I am bit of a gym bunny, I like to destress and workout any frustrations, or just for the high of running etc. (Also the trucker-like appetite that must be contained!) That said, I never pressured him to workout, yet he felt, in his words, "inspired" to get more fit. I left that part up to him.

Also, trust me when I say that a really attractive guy will get to the head of the line, but not stay there if the only relationship he wants is with himself!

In Christ,

Leyden

--hide--
Very well put Leyden.

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