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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
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May 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Kerry-970208 said: This is very helpful advice. I am very recently widowed and miss my spouse deeply and profoundly,...
(Quote) Kerry-970208 said:

This is very helpful advice. I am very recently widowed and miss my spouse deeply and profoundly, as does our 13 year old son. I am not trying to hurry thru mourning--couldn't if I tried--just wanted to talk with other catholics, meet a few people and see how they get through being single in the middle of life.

--hide--
Kerry -- don't hesitate to come to the forums if you have questions, problems, bad days, good days -- whatever comes along. Beginning this new way of life -- one you were cast in unexpectedly -- is disconcerting but that gradually tapers off. The good days will begin to outnumber the dreary ones. In the meantime, the sun will rise every morning as it has for thousands of years, and the world gives you a little nudge to get you back into reality. I've used to think that we were being rushed by that, but there are benefits to attaining some degree of normalcy again.

You can also contact some of the members individually if you have something to discuss privately.

It's difficult not to dwell on the past right now -- you want things to be as they were in happier days, but the past is just that -- it's history. We have our todays -- the beginning of the future for each of us. hug

May 8th 2013 new

(Quote) Kerry-970208 said: I am new to CM and it's hard to know where I fit in. I am almost 49 (tomorrow), and newly wid...
(Quote) Kerry-970208 said:

I am new to CM and it's hard to know where I fit in. I am almost 49 (tomorrow), and newly widowed. I have 3 boys, the only one still at home is 13. I am broken hearted over my beloved spouse's death from cancer and I have never been alone in my life, paid bills, dealt with broken appliances or cars, etc. At church I feel like a fifth wheel--everyone I know seems to have a spouse and kids. I thought of myself as a catholic wife and mom--even had a blog--and now--I don't know what I am or where I fit in. I hate feeling this way.

--hide--

Hi Kerry, I'm sorry for your loss. Praying

Below is an article in my Archdiocese newsletter, which I find helpful. Maybe it will do the same for you.

HEALINGS IN THE HEART OF
JESUS
By Rev. Rodney Kneifl
Have you ever looked at the front cover of
a 1000 piece puzzle and thought, “I must
put this beautiful picture together”? When
the time comes to open the puzzle box and
we begin to sort out the pieces, we realize
that this will not fit together as quickly as a
child’s five piece game. We usually begin
by looking for difference of color, shape,
or size and the border pieces to start the
building process on the table. Almost
every person begins to pray for patience
about 5 minutes into the puzzle process.
This is going to take longer than we
thought.

Healing at Different Speeds
Some hurts in a person’s life are so large
and there are so many strings attached to
the situation, like the pieces of a 1000 part
puzzle; it takes a while for Jesus to con-
vince us of His way and style of bringing
about total cure. A change of the way of
life, the way we speak, act, or live is a
turning toward the kingdom. A form of
healing begins because we desire to return
to the Kingdom of Jesus’ love. It can be
hurtful to leave that old life style and the
darkness that was so familiar to our life.
There is great light and love from Jesus
when we give up blaming everyone else
for our troubles, acceptance of our broken-
ness and even asking Jesus to love those
areas of our lives that have not been loved
for so long. Jesus is also ready to release
us from the bondage that keeps us in this
way of darkness, blame and difficulty.
Jesus can literally heal us in the blink of an
eye. All that Jesus does is always in
accord with the Father’s love and will; that
the best may be done for each one of us.
Jesus Christ the Redeemer came as a help-
less infant. He wanted to be like one of
us.

Five Ways God Uses Problems
The problems we face will either defeat us
or develop us depending on how we
respond to them. Unfortunately, most peo-
ple fail to see how God wants to use prob-
lems for good in our lives. Here are five
ways God wants to use the problems in our
lives:

1.God uses problems to DIRECT us.
Sometimes God must light a fire under
us to get us moving. Problems often
point us in a new direction and moti-
vate us to change. Is God trying to get
our attention? “Trust in the Lord with
all your heart; and lean not unto your
own understanding. In all thy ways
acknowledge Him, and He will direct
you paths. “ (Proverbs 3: 5-6)

2.God uses problems to INSPECT us.
People are like tea bags. If you want
to know what’s inside them, just drop
them into hot water! Has God tested
your faith with a problem? What do
problems reveal about us? “When you
have many kinds of troubles, you
should be full of joy, because you
know that these troubles test your
faith, and this will give you patience”
(James 1: 2-3).

3. God uses problems to CORRECT us.
Some lessons we learn only through
pain and failure. It’s likely that as a
child your parents told you not to
touch a hot stove. But you probably
learned by being burned. Sometimes
we only learn the value of something
by losing it. “It is good for me that I
have been afflicted; that I might learn
thy statutes” (Psalm 119: 72).

4. God uses problems to PROTECT us.
A problem can be a blessing in
disguise if it prevents us from being
harmed by something more serious.
Last year a friend was fired for refus-
ing to do something unethical that his
boss had asked him to do. His unem-
ployment was a problem, but it saved
him from being convicted and sent to
prison a year later when manage-
ment’s actions were eventually
discovered. “You intended to harm me,
but God intended it for good”
(Genesis 50:20).

5. God uses problems to PERFECT us.
Problems, when responded to correctly,
are character builders.
God is far more interested in your character than yourcomfort.

Your relationship to God and yourcharacter are the only two things we’re
going to take with us into eternity. “We
can rejoice when we run into prob-
lems...they help us learn to be patient.
And patience develops strength of charac-
ter in us and helps us trust God more each
time we use it until finally our hope and
faith are strong and steady” (Romans 5:
3-4) .

Here’s the point :
God is at work in
our lives-even when we don’t recognize it
or understand it. But it’s so much easier
when we surrender to his plan for our life.
It is never easy going through life’s hurts
and difficulties. There are many ways that
Jesus will bring a conclusion to the bro-
kenness. Jesus has good ears; He can hear
even the tiniest whisper in our heart, that
we need help. He honors that deep request
from within. Take the first step and bring
your pain to Him.

We have nothing to fear
from Him. Jesus is good at healing.
“They carried to Him all those afflicted
with various diseases and racked with
pain: the possessed, the lunatics, the para-
lyzed. He cured them all” (Matthew 4:24).
Jesus knows how to handle all the pieces
in our lives

May 9th 2013 new

Hi Kerry, My birthday wish is a bit late but sincere all the same. I know it feels strange and lonely and you just wish you could have your old life back. But of course that won't happen. You have to build a new one. Living with so many questions and such uncertainty is stressful, tiring, hurtful and and dark sometimes, ok, most of the time. It will get better. My husband died of cancer too, after being married 37 years, I had no idea how to be without him. And I was truly heartbroken and so deeply sad. But you have to begin to take hold of your life and begin with baby steps. One small victory a day is a really big thing at a time like this. If you can get a momentum going you will begin to see progress and that will help (most of the time) to encourage you to keep moving forward. My focus at first was to try to "fix" things so that I would have a feeling of control. But I found out this just can't be fixed. Instead I learned to be okay with uncertainty and do my best in spite of it all. Don't get me wrong. I had and still have my bad days. I still cry often for my sweetheart to return, even if only for a little while. But I know that won't happen and so I cry a while and get the hurt out, then pull myself out of the pit and do something positive. You will get through it. You will never be the same. You will always long for him. But you can be okay again. I think one of the best things I did was to get connected with a counselor one-on-one from Hospice. She has been a lifeline for me. Another adult for you to talk with, who is accepting and affirming can make a big difference. Reaching out on this site is also helpful. Take care of yourself. You are worth all the effort it takes to be whole again, as much as you can be. You are in my prayers. wave rosary hug Shelly

May 9th 2013 new

Kerry, I became a widow in a very unexpected violent manner. I joined CM not to date, but because I felt like you do. In the military world, I am considered old and I am the visible reminder as to what can happen. Our long term friends didn't know what to day or do, thus they left my life. I had one year to figure out where I wanted to live. I had spent my entire adult life following Phil all over the world. Home was him.

It has taken some time, and to be frank, I still feel like the fifth wheel, but I am discovering who I am without my Phil. I have found meaning and purpose in speaking up and out. My blogs were published in a book which is something I never thought would happen.


My point is this. All of us widows--and widowers--signed up for this. All of us know what it is like to love well and to be loved well. You are not alone and you are not a fifth wheel.

May 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Sandra-871852 said: 5. God uses problems to PERFECT us.Problems, when responded to correctly,<...
(Quote) Sandra-871852 said:

5. God uses problems to PERFECT us.
Problems, when responded to correctly,
are character builders.
God is far more interested in your character than yourcomfort.

--hide--


I totally know and appreciate that you intended this to help and to be kind. ANd I thank you for that. But one of the things that kept me away from church of any kind for many years was the horrible fear that God would somehow decide one day that my character needed improving by killing off one of my loved ones to see how I would handle it. People told me repeatedly no, God does not do that. God does not just take people to improve your character. God is not wantonly cruel like that. But this seems to say otherwise.


Perhaps it just means that God uses such circumstances when they occur, to help us grow. That I can accept. But if He actually causes these deaths to "help us grow", I think I would prefer not to grow. That surely sounds terrible, I suppose, and it is said from a heart aching with pain, but this is what I always feared, and now, here it is, and I don't want to think that had I only had a better character somehow, my husband would still be alive.

May 9th 2013 new
(Quote) Kerry-970208 said: I am new to CM and it's hard to know where I fit in. I am almost 49 (tomorrow), and newly widowed. I have ...
(Quote) Kerry-970208 said:

I am new to CM and it's hard to know where I fit in. I am almost 49 (tomorrow), and newly widowed. I have 3 boys, the only one still at home is 13. I am broken hearted over my beloved spouse's death from cancer and I have never been alone in my life, paid bills, dealt with broken appliances or cars, etc. At church I feel like a fifth wheel--everyone I know seems to have a spouse and kids. I thought of myself as a catholic wife and mom--even had a blog--and now--I don't know what I am or where I fit in. I hate feeling this way.

--hide--


Kerry, I am so sorry. I can't imagine what you have been and are going through. I will keep you in my prayers.
May 9th 2013 new
(Quote) Kerry-970208 said: I totally know and appreciate that you intended this to help and to be kin...
(Quote) Kerry-970208 said:






I totally know and appreciate that you intended this to help and to be kind. ANd I thank you for that. But one of the things that kept me away from church of any kind for many years was the horrible fear that God would somehow decide one day that my character needed improving by killing off one of my loved ones to see how I would handle it. People told me repeatedly no, God does not do that. God does not just take people to improve your character. God is not wantonly cruel like that. But this seems to say otherwise.






Perhaps it just means that God uses such circumstances when they occur, to help us grow. That I can accept. But if He actually causes these deaths to "help us grow", I think I would prefer not to grow. That surely sounds terrible, I suppose, and it is said from a heart aching with pain, but this is what I always feared, and now, here it is, and I don't want to think that had I only had a better character somehow, my husband would still be alive.

--hide--


I have lost three children to death and I had similar feelings....not so much thinking my children would die but rather that I would be tested. Maybe I was tested. It was not consoling at the time but my pastor told me that God gives crosses to those he especially loves. I think of Christ looking at me asking if I will help Him carry His Cross by carrying mine and, I can't tell Him no.

I am glad you have joined Catholic Match. These are wonderful people.
May 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Meg-920823 said: I have lost three children to death and I had similar feelings....not so much thinking my children...
(Quote) Meg-920823 said:

I have lost three children to death and I had similar feelings....not so much thinking my children would die but rather that I would be tested. Maybe I was tested. It was not consoling at the time but my pastor told me that God gives crosses to those he especially loves. I think of Christ looking at me asking if I will help Him carry His Cross by carrying mine and, I can't tell Him no.

I am glad you have joined Catholic Match. These are wonderful people.
--hide--


Oh goodness! That just makes me wish God loved me less! I think Mother Theresa said something similar once.

May 9th 2013 new
Dear Kerry,

I am very sorry for what you're going through. I lost my wife to breast cancer three years ago (this Saturday). I have young children and appreciate your situation. I was never angry with God, but sometimes I did not accept my cross so well. Then one day in Holy Mass I realized that the cross that I was to carry was very beautiful--because my Cyndi was in the center of it. I don't know God's motives for giving me this cross or allowing me to have this cross, but I trust Him. Part of your husband's purpose was to help you get to heaven and if his death could help with that, then it is good that his death has this value. I don't know if my perspective will help you, but it helped me to see more meaning it.

May God bless you,

Bob
May 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Bob-945720 said: Dear Kerry, I am very sorry for what you're going through. I lost my wife to breast cancer thr...
(Quote) Bob-945720 said: Dear Kerry,

I am very sorry for what you're going through. I lost my wife to breast cancer three years ago (this Saturday). I have young children and appreciate your situation. I was never angry with God, but sometimes I did not accept my cross so well. Then one day in Holy Mass I realized that the cross that I was to carry was very beautiful--because my Cyndi was in the center of it. I don't know God's motives for giving me this cross or allowing me to have this cross, but I trust Him. Part of your husband's purpose was to help you get to heaven and if his death could help with that, then it is good that his death has this value. I don't know if my perspective will help you, but it helped me to see more meaning it.

May God bless you,

Bob
--hide--


Wow, Bob, I will really have to give that some thought. Our parish priest tells me that very thing often. He says I helped my husband get to heaven, but I never thought of it the other way around. I hate to think it would take him dying for me to get to heaven though? But God bless you for your kind response, and I'm so sorry for your own loss.

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