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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

An important thing to me in a relationship is that it grows out of a friendship. And I don't say this as something to attract women who say they dream their husband will be their best friend, I really mean it. I feel that knowing a woman for something like 6 months is essential to actually be starting a relationship on something other than physical attraction. Not an ideal approach to combine with website dating to say the least it seems. I've met a few people online and despite them saying they agreed with this, they either weren't willing to continue the friendship when they determined immediate dating attraction wasn't there, or they ended the friendship when it didn't progress to me asking them out before another guy asked them out. And unfortunately, all of my female friends who I find to be compatible with me don't agree.

So here are the questions:

Am I foolish to believe this could work and seek it?
Is this still a good pursuit, but maybe just not for a dating site?
May 10th 2013 new

(Quote) Daniel-726519 said: An important thing to me in a relationship is that it grows out of a friendship. And I don't say th...
(Quote) Daniel-726519 said: An important thing to me in a relationship is that it grows out of a friendship. And I don't say this as something to attract women who say they dream their husband will be their best friend, I really mean it. I feel that knowing a woman for something like 6 months is essential to actually be starting a relationship on something other than physical attraction. Not an ideal approach to combine with website dating to say the least it seems. I've met a few people online and despite them saying they agreed with this, they either weren't willing to continue the friendship when they determined immediate dating attraction wasn't there, or they ended the friendship when it didn't progress to me asking them out before another guy asked them out. And unfortunately, all of my female friends who I find to be compatible with me don't agree.

So here are the questions:

Am I foolish to believe this could work and seek it?
Is this still a good pursuit, but maybe just not for a dating site?
--hide--


I think it is a great place to start. I don't think there is anything wrong with your approach in general. Many People do seem to fight the notion of friendhip first on a site like this but I would keep working on this anyway.

May 10th 2013 new

I could not agree with you more Daniel! I have many friends, both catholic and protestant, who have tried to skip the friends part and jump right into marriage. It seems that more often than not they fall flat on their faces. Very sad. I believe that what a lot of people call love is nothing more than attraction with a little lust tossed in. While they experience all the highs we are taught to expect from love they are missing out on all the factors that lead to long lasting strong relationships. Just my 2 cents.

May 10th 2013 new

(Quote) Steven-902065 said: I could not agree with you more Daniel! I have many friends, both catholic and protestant, who h...
(Quote) Steven-902065 said:

I could not agree with you more Daniel! I have many friends, both catholic and protestant, who have tried to skip the friends part and jump right into marriage. It seems that more often than not they fall flat on their faces. Very sad. I believe that what a lot of people call love is nothing more than attraction with a little lust tossed in. While they experience all the highs we are taught to expect from love they are missing out on all the factors that lead to long lasting strong relationships. Just my 2 cents.

--hide--


Ditto what Steven said.

May 10th 2013 new
Remember after inflation though, that more like a $1.25.
Thanks to all of you so far for the back up, and support. Glad to know I'm not alone on this. I wish the desire to do it right wasn't interpreted as disinterest in this society, because of the amount of time it takes.
May 10th 2013 new

I have the same view. Friendship is the key to a long term relationship. It opens a lot of doors and allow us to be free to be ourselves...

May 10th 2013 new

I don't think it is foolish to think a relationship should or could grow from a friendship. A relationship should be a friendship of the best and most intimate order. I think you will find the same in the real world as on a the dating site, perhaps the difference here is that on a dating site most people are caught up with the dating focus and friendship isn't the initial goal. But, I am with you, I think I'd really prefer to work on developing a friendship -- or at least moving from acquaintences online to someone I can take with and laugh with and then let it progress from there. I really think most relationships sort themselves out readily enough, if we aren't too caught up in what we think should be happening.

May 10th 2013 new

All I can say at the moment is that I would prefer a relationship to begin with friendship--learning about each other, spending lots of time together exploring each other's interests, talking, having fun (I, personally, love to play board games & it's a good way to see how another person will interact with you.)

I never did develop a friendship with the man I married because it was only 3 months from when we met 'til we married. I truly believe that in our case it was a mistake to move so quickly.

May 10th 2013 new
Thanks for sharing your personal story. I appreciate it.

It would be nice to hear a success about being friends first if anyone has one.

Also board games are one of my favorite things too and say a lot about people in my opinion. One of my friends taught me he always felt he had to play some sort of intense game with a potential relationship, because if you fought or got frustrated while in competition with each other, it wouldn't work out long term.
May 10th 2013 new

I think you're right.

I think too many women have been brainwashed by movies and television that suggest that "chemistry" is something immediate and powerful, rather than something you build up little by little.

Hang in there, dude.

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