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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

May 11 new

(Quote) Laura-824866 said: Thank you for sharing that! Really made me feel good about keeping my married name. I have 5 kids...
(Quote) Laura-824866 said:

Thank you for sharing that! Really made me feel good about keeping my married name. I have 5 kids too (love seeing all the big families)...I wanted nothing more then to shed myself of "his" name, but kept it for the kids. Now I'm looking at it in a whole new light...it is "their" name (kids) and I want nothing more then to stay connected to my kids!

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hug It is about our kids:)

May 11 new

I changed my name back to my maiden name after my divorce and I am so happy I did. It was a new start in so many ways. I felt like I was embarking on a new era in my life. It was a bit of a pain but starting with Social Security, DMV, employers got the ball rolling. My attorney told me that in California there are laws that make it easier than in some other states.

May 11 new
My children were grown. I discussed it with them to get their feelings on the matter. I went back to my maiden name; it seemed appropriate for beginning anew.
May 11 new

First of all, I believe that you should pray upon it, and listen to what the Lord has to say to you. Secondly, I think that you should realize that any change can cause headaches for you, and possible confusion on the part of other folks, either now or down the road or both. Thirdly, I do wish that my surname came earlier in the alphabet, but neither my maiden name nor the surname of my ex fits that bill. If I ever meet "Mr. Right" might he please be an Adams or a Baker or a Carter or a Davis????

May 12 new
Bow Your son has great insight!!

Its a very personal decision, and if you are sure that going back to your family name is worth the hassle, then do it. Going back to your first name is not going to undo the years you spent being Mrs. "Jones". One more thing: make sure your child knows that you are NOT disconnecting , disapproving or rejecting him by changing your name.
May 12 new

(Quote) Monica-291280 said: Your son has great insight!! Its a very personal decision, and if you are sure that going back ...
(Quote) Monica-291280 said: Your son has great insight!!

Its a very personal decision, and if you are sure that going back to your family name is worth the hassle, then do it. Going back to your first name is not going to undo the years you spent being Mrs. "Jones". One more thing: make sure your child knows that you are NOT disconnecting , disapproving or rejecting him by changing your name.
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Monica changing your name back to your maiden name does not undo the years you were Mrs "Jones". However, you are not Mrs. "Jones" anymore and keeping that name doesn't doesn't change the fact you are divorced and not married.

May 14 new

I was divorced in 1984 and did not change back to my maiden name until 1998. For me, at first, somehow changing my name back made it final and real and I had to hang on to some kind of illusion for a long time since I was not the one who wanted the divorce. Plus the fact that my attorney mentioned to me that I would remarry soon and my last name would change again. I was finally able to resume my maiden after many years and I was glad that I did. Now my ties to him are completely severed and I am not linked to the other woman through last name. It's a highly personal decision whether or not to drop his name after divorce and you have to do what feels right to you. I wish you well in moving forward in whatever direction you decide to take.

May 15 new

(Quote) Kate-806727 said: If I didn't have a son, it would be an easy decision. I'm leaning towards changing it beca...
(Quote) Kate-806727 said:

If I didn't have a son, it would be an easy decision. I'm leaning towards changing it because we both work in the same industry in the same area and I would really rather not have any association with him professionally, however the likelyhood that I would ever cross paths with someone that knows him is not good.

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Dear Kate,

From a guys perspective, I would suggest you leave your son's name as it is. He will need his father and continue his relationship with him. It will also greatly reduce any battles with your ex. You and your son can do without that. If you care, I can elaborate more... but those are the biggest two reasons... unless your ex is just a criminal (which doesn't seem the case). As far as you having a different last name than your son really won't affect your son's image with his peers. Children are much more accepting...

As for you, as much as you would prefer to have no association with the ex, consider yet another step, annulment discernment first. You should seek advice of a good priest (hopefully in your own parish) and see if you have potential grounds. If not, it may give you pause to postpone the decision for a time. This is something that can be done whenever you want, if you want to change it. It may be that the Church deems you still married while you live your life apart. And in some cases, albeit rare, exes do reconcile and find ways to better fulfill their marital vows than they had in the past.

I know only too well how heartwrenching the whole process really is....

I will pray that God will guide you in making the best decision for you and your son.


Sincerely in the Holy Family,

John

Jun 23 new
Everyone who says they keep the name because of their children would change it if they married again so that probably wouldn't be the only reason.

I have no children with my ex and I kept my married name. The reason? I grew up abused as a kid so I didn't want my father's name...too much hassle to change my passport, my business cards, my professional contacts, tell all of my clients (I'm a social worker with mentally ill adults).

I do want to change it but not sure when...I wanted to change it to another name entirely but they said I couldn't do that as part of the divorce. You can only go to your maiden name. I would have to pay 300 dollars and file paperwork. Then all the other stuff; license, social security, work, business, passport...UGH.

I sometimes thing that getting married again isn't worth all that....sorry but it's true. I've been married twice before...I've changed my name twice and I can just see my family/friends, "Good grief how many times has she changed her name?" This isn't my real name, just using a funny example if I married again:

Lorrie Smith Davis Jones Reynolds

I mean come on...there comes a point where you just knock it off. I wanted to resurrect a dead family member's name...you know one that got changed when she got married and is gone? So I went to great-grandmothers and found two Iike. I was trying to choose between Koble and McCarty. If I did do that, I'm NOT changing it if I marry again. Done deal. So once my finances get fixed, I may do that. Still not sure though.

I'm glad you brought this up. There sure are a lot of things to think about. I wouldn't keep your name because of your kids (at least not the only reason) because first of all, it makes you look like you are still married and secondly you will change it if you marry again. So at some point, you and your children will have a different name. Not too many husbands want their wife to keep their ex-husband's name. That's my 2 cents and probably all it's worth. :)

Lorrie


Jun 24 new
Lorrie,

Thanks for your 2 cents. I actually DID know someone that got divorced, kept her married name, got married again and kept her name from her 1st marriage because she liked the way it sounded with her given name.

I'm still on the fence. My divorce isn't final (the marriage was dissolved in October, but there are custody things that we are working out still)


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