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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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May 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Dawn-58330 said: But I guess what I am looking for us to share in this thread is what specifically we will gift our...
(Quote) Dawn-58330 said:

But I guess what I am looking for us to share in this thread is what specifically we will gift our spouse with.
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I don't think it's that easy Dawn, lets remember that God has a sense of humour! If you would have asked me this question a month before I got married I probably would have said that my gift to my spouse to be would be that she wouldn't have to work hard to earn my affection and love. I say this because she had to work very hard to have a relationship with her Dad, and he was not an effectionate father.


In many respects I think I think I kept that promise, but I didn't know at the time the amount of suffering I would have to ensure as a result of my decission to marry her. I didn't realize she was going to need near round the clock care, that she would be scared to be alone, that she would be so weak that she couldn't get her self out of bed without help, that medical treatments would rob us of our dreams just after our first anniversary.


I think the biggest gift we can give our spouses is the complete gift of self, in whatever way the marriage demands it. If that means dying to yourself inside, then die to yourself. If that means being so exhausted that you can barely get out of bed to help her out, the find the strength and pray to God that you'll be able to catch up on your rest later, and find another way to recharge.

May 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Lawrence-943343 said: It is my experience that in marriage you don't sacrifice anything, you stop activities in ...
(Quote) Lawrence-943343 said:

It is my experience that in marriage you don't sacrifice anything, you stop activities in your life because you have found better ones, like kissing.

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True love requires tremendous sacrafice, it's inevitable. That said, I think what you're suggesting is that the sacrafice isn't a bourden because the rewards can be so great. I think Jesus must have felt the same way on the Cross, extreme agony and pain, but also happiness and peace in knowing he was doing the Father's will, and knowing that he would be in "Paradise".


While I agree we all must take responsability for our actions, I also believe that sometimes things happen to us that is not a direct result of something that we've done, or the reasons given show a lack of love on behalf of the other. I don't want to hijack this thread wtih those thoughts, so I'll leave it at that.

May 11th 2013 new
(Quote) Peter-793888 said: I don't think it's that easy Dawn, lets remember that God has a sense of humour! I...
(Quote) Peter-793888 said:




I don't think it's that easy Dawn, lets remember that God has a sense of humour! If you would have asked me this question a month before I got married I probably would have said that my gift to my spouse to be would be that she wouldn't have to work hard to earn my affection and love. I say this because she had to work very hard to have a relationship with her Dad, and he was not an effectionate father.




In many respects I think I think I kept that promise, but I didn't know at the time the amount of suffering I would have to ensure as a result of my decission to marry her. I didn't realize she was going to need near round the clock care, that she would be scared to be alone, that she would be so weak that she couldn't get her self out of bed without help, that medical treatments would rob us of our dreams just after our first anniversary.




I think the biggest gift we can give our spouses is the complete gift of self, in whatever way the marriage demands it. If that means dying to yourself inside, then die to yourself. If that means being so exhausted that you can barely get out of bed to help her out, the find the strength and pray to God that you'll be able to catch up on your rest later, and find another way to recharge.

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I don't think love is easy at all. Love is tough. It's hard work. And very often it isn't pretty.

Life does throw us some terrible curves. It often challenges us to be way more than what we set out to be. It sounds like, Peter, that this has been your experience. I'm sorry that both of you had to go through so much pain. I wish none of us had to do that. But sometimes, as you said, life requires it of us, even though we didn't know that it would. Following through inspite of being surprised is really love. God bless you, Peter. rose

Honestly, my main point that I was trying to get across in this thread is that perhaps we need to stop looking at so much what another person brings to the table, and more at what we can offer to our other. It's a tough thing to do when one has been single for awhile with no prospects in sight. How does one not become selfish with no one to focus the gift of self on? Ah, there's the rub. A little more "Here is what I want to give to you" and less "This is what I want from you."
May 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Dawn-58330 said: I have found that one of the great challenges I've had to face living the single life is guarding agai...
(Quote) Dawn-58330 said: I have found that one of the great challenges I've had to face living the single life is guarding against selfishness. While living alone it is so easy to just live how I want, doing what I want when I want, and throwing out consideration for others. It can be habit forming. (Fortunately, I think the very fact that I am aware of this temptation, helps me to not be this way.)

Me. Me. Me. I. I. I.

That's what I hear and read so much. But it's about you. It's about the other. I am looking forward to focusing on "him"-- the man I'll fall in love with and marry one day. I want to make my efforts in our relationship about loving him, serving him, putting him and our family before myself. (I know he will eagerly and lovingly do he same.)

Some exam
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It's kind of funny that you brought this up as at my last retreat recently part of one of the talks is that one of the dangers of isolation is becoming selfish, self absorbed and developing a mal-formed concience since there is no one there to give you feedback. That we all need people in our lives to perfect us. He even told us that the reason for the reform and structure of monasticism by St. Benedict is that the previous form of monasticism e.g. St.Anthony of the desert was isolating and lacked structure and while that worked for a few seraphic souls for many it was problematic.

He also said that the way our vocation helps to perfect us iis by forcing us to look outward and to loose self-focus. That the loss of self-focus is the beginning of wisdom and Christ focus.

May 11th 2013 new
Be careful not to take things out if context. That's the kind of reasoning used to justify the socialist state.
May 11th 2013 new
I apologize for the typo.
May 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: What I hate most about being single is having no one to do little nice things for. (Kids do not count.)
(Quote) Marge-938695 said: What I hate most about being single is having no one to do little nice things for. (Kids do not count.)
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Marge,

I'm in total agreement

May 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Greg-902815 said: Be careful not to take things out if context. That's the kind of reasoning used to justify the social...
(Quote) Greg-902815 said: Be careful not to take things out if context. That's the kind of reasoning used to justify the socialist state.
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I think that you may be the one taking things out of context to be honest. This kind of thinking is Catholic to say the very list. The fact is we all need each other. This is not only a very Catholic principle but a Christian principle in general. I am not sure what about what I quoted my priest as saying in a retreat talk is a socialist concept and I think that you may have a warped idea of socialist ideal or do not understand it in general. Completely confused by the comment to be honest and I understand the socialist concept very well. boggled eyepopping

May 11th 2013 new

The problem comes when you assume things about someone's spirituality, based on whether or not they hang out in large groups. That kind of thinking leads to dominance of group thought over individual thought. Just because someone wants to be by themselves, doesn't make them selfish.

May 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Greg-902815 said: The problem comes when you assume things about someone's spirituality, based on whether or not...
(Quote) Greg-902815 said:

The problem comes when you assume things about someone's spirituality, based on whether or not they hang out in large groups. That kind of thinking leads to dominance of group thought over individual thought. Just because someone wants to be by themselves, doesn't make them selfish.

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Did I say anything about hanging out in a large group? I spoke about community and the loss of self-focus. You should read of some the Benedictine writings to fully understand how the conceptof monasticism ties into community as a means of purfication. I also said that it is a rare seraphic soul who is able to survive isolation without becoming inwardly focused or developing a warped conscience. I never said that it was impossible. People who are able t odo that are given an extraordinary grace and it is a rare calling. St. Anthony of the Desert was one such soul. I would also remind that I was quoting a talk given at a retreat by a very wise who is definitely not a socialist. I am just not sure where what I said transalates into socialist thought. That is a very big stretch I would say. Still baffled by your connection.

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