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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

If a woman mentions something about herself that is obvioulsly of great importance, such as being very allergic to certain foods, it's not hard to realize that she wants a man to remember that. Also it's not difficult to figure out why she wants him to remember.

What has surprised me is how happy, even close to thrilled, some women have been when, without any intention on my part to impress in any way, I have merely remembered and voiced some minor point they made in a past conversation.

An example of this might be that woman is, at a particular moment, talking about one of her uncles and I, in order to clarify which of her uncles is the one to whom she is referring, ask, "Was that the one who played golf even though he was born with a withered arm?"

I would never have thought that such an insignificant recollection would evoke from any woman something more than, "Yes, that's the same one", but instead such words sometimes have moved a woman to say, "Oh, you remembered that! You get a lot of points for that!" and to express this with a lot of unexpected emotion and appreciation.

I have since received the explanation that a significant number of women are so accustomed to men's rarely listening to them, that such a modest comment by a man can move them much more deeply than would have been be predicted. The confirmation that she has been heard turns out to be a very big deal for a woman. scratchchin

Listening but not glistening, cool wink

John

May 12th 2013 new

It's sad how many men don't get this.

It's not that hard to impress a woman. Just LISTEN and PAY ATTENTION. We do the same for men...too often with no reciprocity.

It's really not that hard.

May 12th 2013 new

I'm going to ask: Why did this surprise you?

Men and women aren't so very different that they don't both want to feel important. Listening demonstrates that the speaker is important. There's really no difference between the sexes in this area.

May 12th 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: It's sad how many men don't get this.It's not that hard to impress a woman. J...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

It's sad how many men don't get this.

It's not that hard to impress a woman. Just LISTEN and PAY ATTENTION. We do the same for men...too often with no reciprocity.

It's really not that hard.

--hide--
If all I have to do is listen, I've been missin' something as I thought it was the super suit on her suitor and the tailored tie on the guy. scratchchin

May 12th 2013 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: If a woman mentions something about herself that is obvioulsly of great importance, such as being ...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

If a woman mentions something about herself that is obvioulsly of great importance, such as being very allergic to certain foods, it's not hard to realize that she wants a man to remember that. Also it's not difficult to figure out why she wants him to remember.

What has surprised me is how happy, even close to thrilled, some women have been when, without any intention on my part to impress in any way, I have merely remembered and voiced some minor point they made in a past conversation.

An example of this might be that woman is, at a particular moment, talking about one of her uncles and I, in order to clarify which of her uncles is the one to whom she is referring, ask, "Was that the one who played golf even though he was born with a withered arm?"

I would never have thought that such an insignificant recollection would evoke from any woman something more than, "Yes, that's the same one", but instead such words sometimes have moved a woman to say, "Oh, you remembered that! You get a lot of points for that!" and to express this with a lot of unexpected emotion and appreciation.

I have since received the explanation that a significant number of women are so accustomed to men's rarely listening to them, that such a modest comment by a man can move them much more deeply than would have been be predicted. The confirmation that she has been heard turns out to be a very big deal for a woman.

Listening but not glistening,

John

--hide--


Men respond in kind.

May 12th 2013 new

Probing questions as per your example indeed show that you listen and are interested. It may even cause such a woman to expect that you won't forget your anniversary or her favorite perfume. Listening well is a sign of respect.

May 12th 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: I'm going to ask: Why did this surprise you?Men and women aren't so very differen...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

I'm going to ask: Why did this surprise you?

Men and women aren't so very different that they don't both want to feel important. Listening demonstrates that the speaker is important. There's really no difference between the sexes in this area.

--hide--
Since most of us are not completely aware of every aspect of our unconscious minds, it can be hard to know exactly why we react in certain ways in particular situations. My guess would be that the surprise was because two ingredients in those situations.

The first was that thing over which the women expressed so much enthusiasm was seemingly insignificant, my remembering one of many points in a conversation from weeks or months ago where the part I happened to recall was probably no more than a side note in what she had said at the time.

The second was the unexpected magnitude of the women's reaction, much less than if they had won the lottery, but a lot more than I would ever have anticipated.

May 12th 2013 new

(Quote) Joan-529855 said: Men respond in kind.
(Quote) Joan-529855 said:


Men respond in kind.

--hide--
Can you provide any real-life examples or is this just bookish theory? scratchchin

May 12th 2013 new

1. It's not insignificant. How would men like it if women never listened to or acknowledged what they said? That's part of treating people like people, instead of like things.

2. Yes, her reaction was energetic because that skill is maddeningly rare.

You have two sisters, John. I'm sure you listen to them, and I'll bet they make sure that you do. Why does all this surprise you?

May 12th 2013 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: If a woman mentions something about herself that is obvioulsly of great importance, such as being ...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

If a woman mentions something about herself that is obvioulsly of great importance, such as being very allergic to certain foods, it's not hard to realize that she wants a man to remember that. Also it's not difficult to figure out why she wants him to remember.

What has surprised me is how happy, even close to thrilled, some women have been when, without any intention on my part to impress in any way, I have merely remembered and voiced some minor point they made in a past conversation.

An example of this might be that woman is, at a particular moment, talking about one of her uncles and I, in order to clarify which of her uncles is the one to whom she is referring, ask, "Was that the one who played golf even though he was born with a withered arm?"

I would never have thought that such an insignificant recollection would evoke from any woman something more than, "Yes, that's the same one", but instead such words sometimes have moved a woman to say, "Oh, you remembered that! You get a lot of points for that!" and to express this with a lot of unexpected emotion and appreciation.

I have since received the explanation that a significant number of women are so accustomed to men's rarely listening to them, that such a modest comment by a man can move them much more deeply than would have been be predicted. The confirmation that she has been heard turns out to be a very big deal for a woman.

Listening but not glistening,

John

--hide--

I think the key thing is loving someone in the way they need to be loved not the way you want to love them. I think that many men, not trying to generalize but women are naturally more giving, can think that they need to treat a woman in the way that would work for them or is convenient for them. However, the more loving and less selfish thing is to pay attention to what the other person needs and what they are telling you they need. It is a great clue to the character of a person; their ability to love well and unselfishly. If they can love a person in the way they need to be loved even if it is not convenient or even if it requires dying to themself it is clue that they have the ability to be a good partner. This is the way that God calls us to love and loves us in turn. Human love is a foretaste of love and is also a means of dying to self which is essential for holiness. It is a rare gem of a man who can love in this way. May all women be blessed with such a man.

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