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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

May 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Dawn-58330 said: How does one not become selfish with no one to focus the gift of self on?
(Quote) Dawn-58330 said:

How does one not become selfish with no one to focus the gift of self on?
--hide--


For me its through volunteer work, and being active in the Parish, I make a gift of self to the community as a whole. Of course that may mean some think I'm too busy to meet somone, but anyway! As I said before I also do this for "selfish" reasons because I feel rewarded in giving back, and it gets me out of the house.


From my own experience when you offer to volunteer, your only concern should be learning your limits, and eventually saying "No" (OK I'm still learning that ... maybe not all that well laughing laughing shhh) because there are so many great organizations that can always use an extra set of hands, and once they get to know you they're likely to say "can you also do this?" or "we think you'd be great for this ... would you consider it?"


I understand your point Dawn, I guess I was saying that sometimes what we think we can bring into a marriage / relationship isn't what's needed, and we find out as we're going through the journey that God has really called us for something else - maybe something else we didn't even realize we could do!

May 13th 2013 new

Dawn thanks for opening this thread.


I think I would give him my mind, my body, my soul, my love, my time, my dreams, my attempt to cook, etc, etc.


Saludos wave and Praying for my future husband.

May 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Myriam-344031 said: Dawn thanks for opening this thread. I think I would give him my mind, my body, my soul, ...
(Quote) Myriam-344031 said:

Dawn thanks for opening this thread.

I think I would give him my mind, my body, my soul, my love, my time, my dreams, my attempt to cook, etc, etc.

Saludos and for my future husband.

--hide--


Me, too Myriam. I would give my future husband all these, too. And I pray for the will of God, the inspiration of the Holy Spirit to lead the two of us to recognize each other and our divine purpose in each other's lives. theheart Dove Praying

May 14th 2013 new

Something about this topic doesn't sit right with me. At 19, I threw myself with complete abandon into "taking care of my man" and it was fourteen years before I woke up and realized he was doing whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted to do it -- staying out, drinking, sleeping with other women, etc. - while I, the "little woman" was dutifully at home keeping the house clean, the meals cooked, the laundry done, the baby cared for, the dogs walked, praying all the while to do my duties well and be a good wife. And, oh yes, you need to service him when he comes home, no matter how much he reeks of alcohol and perfume. When he left me for another woman, who he informed me is just like me, I felt incomplete. It took me a number of years to work through the fact that the man has to give in the relationship as well -- it's not all us taking care of them. We should not be their mommy. A relationship is a two-way street. Marriage partners take care of each other. Over the years since my divorce, I have watched other marriages and the men are involved in the marriage -- they cook, they clean, they help around the house, they do repairs, they renovate, they are true marriage partners -- and the women don't have to worry when the man leaves the house who he'll be sleeping with while he's out. That's what I'm looking for this time -- a true quality and partnership. I've seen it, and I won't settle for less this time around.

May 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Carol-737878 said: Me, too Myriam. I would give my future husband all these, too. And I pray for the wi...
(Quote) Carol-737878 said:


Me, too Myriam. I would give my future husband all these, too. And I pray for the will of God, the inspiration of the Holy Spirit to lead the two of us to recognize each other and our divine purpose in each other's lives.

--hide--


You're a wise lady Carol!


Saludos Praying and hug

May 15th 2013 new

When I was married, we had 21 wonderful years, because we chose to be there and give our presence to one another. That meant listening, spending time together and doing small things to make each other happy.

I spent time with his family learning and then cooking his favorite dishes, kept a clean house for him, sat with him and watched his favorite sports even though initially it was not my favorite thing to do. Made him feel special and loved. He loved a back rub and a foot massage especially when he was sick.

I miss being married and giving myself to that someone special - to be there for him, to listen, to cook for him, to laugh with him. Giving of myself makes me feel happy.

May 15th 2013 new

When I was married, we had 21 wonderful years, because we chose to be there and give our presence to one another. That meant listening, spending time together and doing small things to make each other happy.

I spent time with his family learning and then cooking his favorite dishes, kept a clean house for him, sat with him and watched his favorite sports even though initially it was not my favorite thing to do. Made him feel special and loved. He loved a back rub and a foot massage especially when he was sick.

I miss being married and giving myself to that someone special - to be there for him, to listen, to cook for him, to laugh with him. Giving of myself makes me feel happy.

May 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Sharon-971976 said: Something about this topic doesn't sit right with me. At 19, I threw myself with complete ab...
(Quote) Sharon-971976 said:

Something about this topic doesn't sit right with me. At 19, I threw myself with complete abandon into "taking care of my man" and it was fourteen years before I woke up and realized he was doing whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted to do it -- staying out, drinking, sleeping with other women, etc. - while I, the "little woman" was dutifully at home keeping the house clean, the meals cooked, the laundry done, the baby cared for, the dogs walked, praying all the while to do my duties well and be a good wife. And, oh yes, you need to service him when he comes home, no matter how much he reeks of alcohol and perfume. When he left me for another woman, who he informed me is just like me, I felt incomplete. It took me a number of years to work through the fact that the man has to give in the relationship as well -- it's not all us taking care of them. We should not be their mommy. A relationship is a two-way street. Marriage partners take care of each other. Over the years since my divorce, I have watched other marriages and the men are involved in the marriage -- they cook, they clean, they help around the house, they do repairs, they renovate, they are true marriage partners -- and the women don't have to worry when the man leaves the house who he'll be sleeping with while he's out. That's what I'm looking for this time -- a true quality and partnership. I've seen it, and I won't settle for less this time around.

--hide--


Sharon, I totally understand what you are saying. I experienced some of this selfishness in my marriage. When a relationship is lopsided, depression, resentment, hidden anger result & the marriage suffers. You were very young when you married; I was a little older. But we both kind of fell into the "little woman" role because that was what was modeled for us--at least I know it was for me.

Now that I have been single-again for 15 years or so, I hope I can be assertive enough & astute enough to recognize when a future spouse demonstrates a controlling and/or critical spirit & deal with it effectively. I, too would like a true partnership, a mutual sharing & respect for our individual needs without shutting the other out. A quality relationship--yes!!! theheart

May 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Carol-737878 said: Sharon, I totally understand what you are saying. I experienced some of thi...
(Quote) Carol-737878 said:


Sharon, I totally understand what you are saying. I experienced some of this selfishness in my marriage. When a relationship is lopsided, depression, resentment, hidden anger result & the marriage suffers. You were very young when you married; I was a little older. But we both kind of fell into the "little woman" role because that was what was modeled for us--at least I know it was for me.

Now that I have been single-again for 15 years or so, I hope I can be assertive enough & astute enough to recognize when a future spouse demonstrates a controlling and/or critical spirit & deal with it effectively. I, too would like a true partnership, a mutual sharing & respect for our individual needs without shutting the other out. A quality relationship--yes!!!

--hide--

Indeed, Carol. It can't be all about them, all the time -- but I'm surprised just how many men expect that. Those guys need mommies, not partners. sigh.

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