Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
Learn More:Abraham & Sarah

Okay, I know I am not over 45, but the advice I am seeking would be very helpful from the Over 45 crowd.


There is this guy that I have had my eye on for a while. He goes to my church, and I only ever see him at church, so once a week, mostly. A couple of things: the man is fairly significantly older than me, like somewhere between 55-65 I'd guess. Now, I myself don't care about the age thing. I find him incredibly attractive.

He seems pretty shy. He doesn't really talk to people and looks at the ground when he walks (which I do too, so I can relate) Also, our church isn't really conducive to socializing. People show up, go in quietly, sit down, have the service, then they leave quietly, maybe speak to the priest, then go to their cars.

I do smile at him and try to make eye contact, sometimes successfully sometimes not. I'd like to talk to him, but don't know how to make it happen, without it seeming really forced. I don't even know his name, but even if I found out, what good would that do? It's not like I could stalk the guy.

I typically subscribe to the philosophy that if a guy is interested, he'll do something about it. But, with our age difference, I don't know whether to adhere to that or not. I feel like I have to be the one to make my interest clear.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.



May 13th 2013 new

I'm in the same boat. Handsome single guy with silvering hair, natty dresser -- and barely makes eye contact. I have stopped him after church a couple of times and made some brief remarks. He seemed pleased to chat but it wasn't long...and he has never approached me.

I make it a point to sit in front of him and dangle my left hand so he can see there's no ring. At this stage of the game, though, the only idea I have left is to trip him on the stairs and then stay with him until the ambulance comes, and maybe ride in the ambulance with him. Except (just my luck) the chapel we attend is literally around the corner from the Emergency Room!

May 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: I'm in the same boat. Handsome single guy with silvering hair, natty dresser -- and barely ma...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

I'm in the same boat. Handsome single guy with silvering hair, natty dresser -- and barely makes eye contact. I have stopped him after church a couple of times and made some brief remarks. He seemed pleased to chat but it wasn't long...and he has never approached me.

I make it a point to sit in front of him and dangle my left hand so he can see there's no ring. At this stage of the game, though, the only idea I have left is to trip him on the stairs and then stay with him until the ambulance comes, and maybe ride in the ambulance with him. Except (just my luck) the chapel we attend is literally around the corner from the Emergency Room!

--hide--

Smooth, Marge...very smooth!!! laughing laughing laughing

May 13th 2013 new

Marge, I like your laize faire approach, but he may not be that observant. I know you have looked for a wedding ring on his finger and probably seen a clean finger, but how long have you been interested and he been available? Do you know if he has been married before? Does his ring finger have the telltale signature of many years wearing a ring? It took almost two years for my 13 year ring shadow to fade to 5% of where it started! laughing

If he is widowed or divorceed you may not know where he is in the grief process. If he has lost a life partner and he is over her, it may be many years since he was in the dating game and he simply has forgotten how. Be patient or find an excuse. If you are interested enough, ask if he is going to a chruch function like the church picnic or an icecream social. Don't ask him on a date, just ask if you will see him there and keep it casual. If he shows at the event, then start a conversation and let him make the next move when you know something more about him.


However, I may be the wrong guy to be offering advice in this regard since I am a 10 by 10 extrovert! laughing





May 13th 2013 new

Melissa, I am about as opposite to an introvert as you are likely to find, so take this post from my perspective. I would not be intimidated if you were to approach me and express interest in sharing a cup of coffee, or similar. In fact, I would be flattered that a woman almost young enough to be my daughter, was interested in getting to know me! If the CYO is offering coffee and rolls between masses, that would be a perfect excuse to get acquainted.

For that matter, if you are in a church club or society that is coed, like a Rosary group or Serra Club, ask if he has considered joining. You would be doing two good things there, recruiting for the group and introducing yourself! Anything like that you can use to innocently approach him may give him an opportunity to engage without risking too much for him. For that matter, if another parish is having any of those types of clubs or activities, it can be a good excuse.

If he wears a sport coat or suit to church, look for a lapel pin. Whether it is a Knights of Columbus or Professional Society pin, or even more whimsical like Mickey, it gives you something to ask him about. It is a conversation starter withouth being overt!

I hope some of this helps, but now you have the perspective of a twice divorced, 54 year old extrovert.

Jerry

May 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Jerry-928087 said: Melissa, I am about as opposite to an introvert as you are likely to find, so take this post from...
(Quote) Jerry-928087 said:

Melissa, I am about as opposite to an introvert as you are likely to find, so take this post from my perspective. I would not be intimidated if you were to approach me and express interest in sharing a cup of coffee, or similar. In fact, I would be flattered that a woman almost young enough to be my daughter, was interested in getting to know me! If the CYO is offering coffee and rolls between masses, that would be a perfect excuse to get acquainted.

For that matter, if you are in a church club or society that is coed, like a Rosary group or Serra Club, ask if he has considered joining. You would be doing two good things there, recruiting for the group and introducing yourself! Anything like that you can use to innocently approach him may give him an opportunity to engage without risking too much for him. For that matter, if another parish is having any of those types of clubs or activities, it can be a good excuse.

If he wears a sport coat or suit to church, look for a lapel pin. Whether it is a Knights of Columbus or Professional Society pin, or even more whimsical like Mickey, it gives you something to ask him about. It is a conversation starter withouth being overt!

I hope some of this helps, but now you have the perspective of a twice divorced, 54 year old extrovert.

Jerry

--hide--


Nope....my particular parish does not do the coffee and doughnuts thing and doesn't really have too many extracurricular clubs (long story) And he doesn't wear a sports coat. Jeans and t-shirts for him.

I guess my question for you, and I understand that it's different because you are more extraverted.....is there anything a woman much younger than you could do um non-verbally (ie bat eyelashes, smile demurely, suck a finger-KIDDING on that one) that would lead to YOU yourself feeling comfortable enough to approach HER?



May 15th 2013 new

Melissa,

I am much more extroverted and observant than most (I used to be an investigator) and therefor the wrong person to ask because I probably would have already noticed your interest and struck up a conversation! Ha!

If the tee shirts he wears have a product endorsement, or a political statement, or any printing at all, there is your conversation starter. For example, if he is wearing a Ferrari tee, ask him which Ferrari is his favorite? You may learn more about Ferraris than you ever wanted to know, but it got you two talking! Ask him about himself. He should find that flattering and respond.

Then know about a breakfast place or coffee shop nearby and say something like "I was going to Fred's for a cup of coffee, would you like to join me?" That should be as agressive as you need to be. You will have made the approachl, now it is up to him to reciprocate. If he grunts and walk off, you just learned he is not as interesting as you thought! Coffee is inexpensive and not considered a "Date", but a good opportunity to get acquainted.

Don't be afraid, after all what is the worst he can say? No? Be prepared for that response and everything else is gravy!

Jerry

May 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: I make it a point to sit in front of him and dangle my left hand so he can see there's no...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:


I make it a point to sit in front of him and dangle my left hand so he can see there's no ring.

--hide--

ALRIGHT !!!

May 16th 2013 new

Hi Melissa, You seem a lovly young lady. Please be prepared..........many men would be uncomfortable dating their daughter, just as many young women dont want to date their dad or their dad's friends.

I was raised ( and many men a decadew older than me), that this was called "dirty old man syndrome'. You'll see this attitude displayed in old Doris Day or Bob Hope movies.......it was chuckled about because a 20-35 year age gap was known culturally to be inapporpriate.

And this gentleman is 30 to 35 years older than you. Men in this age bracket were generally raised that it would be GROSSLY inappropriate. If this man is a true gentleman, it is highly likely he would view you this way.

My own father, (30 years older than me); if someone that much younger would have approached him, would have laughed eyepopping and been flattered, kind, polite, patted you on the head, and told such a lovely young lady that it would not be appropriate; He would also tell this story for the next 20 years of how a lovely 30 year old approached him for a 'date' with a great big smile.....you would surely make his decade!

My father would have also wanted the best for such a nice young gal, and he would absolutly know that the best thing for her would not be an old man, even a healthy, nice old man.

A real gentleman would put the best interest of the lady ahead of his own selfish interests, flattery of the attentions (of his daughter's age) friend. etc....Food for thought.

I know in this day and age, it seems nobody thinks there are any boundaries anymore, and that there are exceptions to everything ( read about Charlie Chaplin!)

But why not someone a little closer in age to you? even 10 - 12 years older instead of 30 to 35 years older? Just curious what would draw you in such a huge age gap.

Best Wishes and prayers for you to find God's match and will for you.

So again, he may have those gentlemanly qualities and be uncomfortable.'

But out of curiosity; why go so old? I am just shy of 50 and some mean over 60*62 reach out to me.(12 to 13 years older).........do you think those same men would want date my mom? She is 13 years older than them at 76!

May 16th 2013 new

Tricia - I couldn't agree more with every word you said! You definitely describe my dad to a tee also, he's 82.

As for me, my oldest daughter (26) is getting married to a man (32) this August, and I thought she was stretching it a bit at first. He was not a Catholic either, which caused much discussion among us. But he went through RCIA and was Baptised and Confirmed into the Church last Easter Vigil. Such a joy to us all! He was so giddy after receiving Communion (Eucharist) for the first time.

I think I would die of a stroke if my second oldest (24) told me tomorrow she wants to date a 50+ year old. Culture is just a part of it; and our present culture shoud have cause for much eyebrow raising, to say the least. Commonalities are likely to be a big one also.

Sharing one's whole life with another: how is that possible when he'll likely be gone before she's 50, statistically speaking? Ah, I should not be trying to present logic in this situation. One really has to be reaching deep to find it, even in our present neo-modernist age.

I hope Melissa adresses your questions to her. It would help all those she draws into this thread understand things more fully to offer better responses.

Posts 1 - 10 of 27