Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

May 13th 2013 new

(Quote) John-184825 said:I would never have thought that such an insignificant recollection would evoke from any woman some...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

I would never have thought that such an insignificant recollection would evoke from any woman something more than, "Yes, that's the same one", but instead such words sometimes have moved a woman to say, "Oh, you remembered that! You get a lot of points for that!" and to express this with a lot of unexpected emotion and appreciation.

I have since received the explanation that a significant number of women are so accustomed to men's rarely listening to them, that such a modest comment by a man can move them much more deeply than would have been be predicted. The confirmation that she has been heard turns out to be a very big deal for a woman.

Listening but not glistening,

John

--hide--

John, that's awesome!!! If someone actually was listening to me and brings something up later, I'm always so happy and my thoughts jump from "I told him that?" to "wow! he must care for me or something!"

May 13th 2013 new

(Quote) John-184825 said:...missing an anniversary can turn a woman into an adversary
(Quote) John-184825 said:...missing an anniversary can turn a woman into an adversary
--hide--
Only if she's a fool and a petty tyrant.

May 14th 2013 new

John, it might seem a simple act but by that act you showed to her that you listened and when we listen, we show the other person, that they are worth it, you care about them and are not self centred. well done You get a Gold Star! You get a Gold Star! You get a Gold Star!

May 14th 2013 new

Do hyperthymesiacs impress each other in the way in which you would like to be impressed, or is an imperfect memory and the accident of remembering something of significance to the significant other the necessary key to an "ooh, you remembered" bonding moment?

May 14th 2013 new

I forget.

eyebrow

May 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: Are you saying that only women are capable of being considerate and unselfish? I think that if yo...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

Are you saying that only women are capable of being considerate and unselfish? I think that if you are you are doing a disservice to the good men who are capable of these actions. Every human being natural tendencies are narcissistic. To be considerate and unselfish is a choice that either sex can make. Women because of the nurturing element of their personalities often find it easier. It does not mean that men are not capable of it and indeed there are many examples of it in good Catholic men.

--hide--
I just meant to say that a lot of women's complaints about men amount to saying that men's psychology is not feminine enough.

May 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Rachel-731570 said: He didn't listen to much at all. I was used to having teachers as parents -- th...
(Quote) Rachel-731570 said:


He didn't listen to much at all. I was used to having teachers as parents -- the kind that stand at the front of the room and expect every word they say to be listened to and obeyed -- it was 'normal behavior' to me, I guess, so it was a while before I came to understand how lonely and unfullfilled I was in my marriage. D listened so little that when the 6 children and I were having a discussion at the table and wanted his input or view about a matter, we would have to get his attention and restate anything pertinent from the conversation that we had had (right there in his presence). When we were frustrated that he had not been listening, he would say, "Why should I have to listen to everything you all say? Just tell me if I have to listen to something. I'm busy eating."
He liked to tell me all about his day, once even screaming, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Just SHUT UP!" at our first child as he cried with colic while D was trying to have my full attention. I was holding poor baby Alan, in a hold that was to comfort him, low and to the opposite side of me from D so I could hear D while still comforting Alan as much as I could, hearing everything he said -- but D wanted my total undivided attention sp I could ooh and ahh at his brilliance and awesomeness as he demanded. I had to deal with Alan's colic for many hours each day for 5 months by that time -- it would have been nice for D to just deal with it without hatefulness now and again.
D was not a good listener or sympathetic.
I thought, as a Catholic, that my marriage was for better or worse (I had made my bed and now I had to lie in it) and that hopefully it would get better if I just loved him and treated him as I wanted to be treated, with kindness, caring, loving, listening, doing big and little things daily for him.
It didn't.


Fair warning for anyone who thinks that you can change anyone with love or that things will get better once you are married.

--hide--
Hi Rachel,

You had a horrific ordeal at times. I'm sorry that happened, but am glad you have escaped from a demeaning situation.

Even though, in your first reply, you referred only to the absence of the kinds of personal communication needed in a marriage, I suspected that the man you implicitly described almost never offered any cordial and civil listening or speaking . I wanted to ask about that because my "theory" is that if someone cannot provide friendly communication in casual, non-intimate situations, they also cannot do so in intensely personal interactions.

Wondering whether I should start with the casual to avoid becoming a casualty, scratchchin eyebrow

John

May 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: If she senses that he's not really listening...it's because he isn't.Women ar...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

If she senses that he's not really listening...it's because he isn't.

Women aren't stupid. We notice. But we give a man the benefit of the doubt, for a long, long while, until we realize we're wasting our time.

--hide--
Sorry, but I wasn't listening. Could you replay that? mischievous

May 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: I am waiting for you to tell me that you are impressed that I remembered that you have two sister...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

I am waiting for you to tell me that you are impressed that I remembered that you have two sisters.

--hide--
I regret that I forgot to tell you that. shhh

May 14th 2013 new
(Quote) John-184825 said: If a woman mentions something about herself that is obvioulsly of great importance, such as being very allergic ...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

If a woman mentions something about herself that is obvioulsly of great importance, such as being very allergic to certain foods, it's not hard to realize that she wants a man to remember that. Also it's not difficult to figure out why she wants him to remember.

What has surprised me is how happy, even close to thrilled, some women have been when, without any intention on my part to impress in any way, I have merely remembered and voiced some minor point they made in a past conversation.

An example of this might be that woman is, at a particular moment, talking about one of her uncles and I, in order to clarify which of her uncles is the one to whom she is referring, ask, "Was that the one who played golf even though he was born with a withered arm?"

I would never have thought that such an insignificant recollection would evoke from any woman something more than, "Yes, that's the same one", but instead such words sometimes have moved a woman to say, "Oh, you remembered that! You get a lot of points for that!" and to express this with a lot of unexpected emotion and appreciation.

I have since received the explanation that a significant number of women are so accustomed to men's rarely listening to them, that such a modest comment by a man can move them much more deeply than would have been be predicted. The confirmation that she has been heard turns out to be a very big deal for a woman.

Listening but not glistening,

John

--hide--


Hello John,

I think you are right that it is BIG when a man remembers some part of the communication. Actually, you are saying the woman felt it was BIG. Do you know the little numbers at the deli and you are waiting for,your number to be called? You are kind of daydreaming, making out the rest of your grocery list, making your todo list and all of a sudden, the clerk calls your number and you come out of your stupor thinking "that's me". Well, it is something like that...kind of a surprise but you are anticipating it.

I like your subjects, John. You have a computer mind John and not all men are like that. Kudos to you!

Eileen
Posts 31 - 40 of 62