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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people under 45. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

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May 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: Where did he live in Delaware? Greenbelt, as I recall, is just outside DC. That's eas...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

Where did he live in Delaware? Greenbelt, as I recall, is just outside DC. That's easily a 1.5-2 hour drive from Wilmington (with light traffic), perhaps 2.5 from the shore areas (despite the fact they are closer).

Since you live in the DC area, I assume you're used to the traffic. I grew up in Wilmington, and I dreaded any time I had to drive to the DC area. Also, IIRC the tolls are not cheap, which could be a financial burden for someone with a tight budget. Personally, I don't thik I'd be inclined to make that trip for a date.

As for meeting half way -- where would you have the date? At the Aberdeen Proving Ground?

--hide--

As I stated, I'm near Delaware a lot and I drive through it a lot. Also, he was exactly an hour away, as I previously said. Again, if you are willing to let things like an hour drive (pain) get in the way of finding your potential spouse (gain), then you aren't ready to be in this type of match making service.

May 14th 2013 new
Christopher, I just wanted to say that I think it is admirable that you bring up the topic of letting someone down easy. My opinion is that no matter what, it is impossible to make everyone happy. Some people get mad/offended if you don't respond at all, and others get mad /offended if your response is a "not interested", no matter how polite the phrasing is. I think the best thing to do is be you and don't worry about possibly upsetting someone who has unrequited feelings for you. I generally try to respond to every message I get, but I certainly don't hold a grudge if someone doesn't message me back. On to the next one! :)
May 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Naomi-698107 said: I think people need to, well, to use an uncharitable phrase "suck it up". This is the i...
(Quote) Naomi-698107 said:

I think people need to, well, to use an uncharitable phrase "suck it up". This is the internet. This is a singles' site. Not everyone is going to like everyone else.

"Thanks for your emote, good luck in your search".

Is a pretty cut and dry way of saying not interested.

I often wonder about the people who get so upset about an essential stranger online fobbing them off.

Yes, we're Catholic. Yes, we shouldn't be blatantly rude. But come on people, being fobbed off by someone online is not the end of the world.

--hide--



Agreed. Just develop a thicker skin when online. The person who 'rejects' you online is really a complete stranger, and thus not worth getting upset over. Such people just don't matter.

May 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Christopher-546242 said: I have a good way to let people know that I really am not interested, but in such a way tha...
(Quote) Christopher-546242 said:

I have a good way to let people know that I really am not interested, but in such a way that they aren't offended. We are on a Catholic site after all... we should probably avoid hurting people unnecessarily. They did take the time to reach out to you.

So what you do is pick something about their profile that is not compatible with you. Choose something that they really cannot change, BESIDES THEIR LOOKS if that's the reason why.

#1. I'm sorry, but you are just too far away for us to have a chance together. Thanks though, I think your profile sounds great and you'll find the right person on here.

#2. I'm looking to marry someone with the same interest in sports as me, so unfortunately I don't think we're compatible.

#3. Thanks for sending the emote. I really appreciate you taking the time to write to me, but I am looking for someone interested in X, as I am.

You get the idea, mention something in their profile when you turn them down. That way you at least show that you took the time to do what they did for you. You never know who knows who on here, and one good deed might lead to another.

--hide--
Thank you for posting some ideas how may I respond in a good way without offend people who already sent to me a message or emote.
I will use some of your phrases.

May 16th 2013 new
Marge, you are always right on the money and in charge of yourself and what you want. I look forward to reading your posts because they are honest and straightforward. You come across as a strong, independent and determined woman. Some guy out there is going to be very fortunate to find you. Be Blessed always.
May 28th 2013 new
I was taught to use a "generic" message such as, "Thank you very much for the emote/message, I am currently corresponding with someone right now and I wish you the best of luck finding the right person for you." Whether or not this is good or nice to say, well... I use it several times daily and it seems to work. Now bear in mind, I am using that "line" on men. I will be honest and tell you that I don't know how a woman will react to such a line. I personally will take it as a gentle nudge away and not feel badly about it. I have had a few return messages along the lines saying, "Ok, thanks for replying anyways."
May 28th 2013 new
(quote) Reena-961146 said:
Interesting reasons. If I may say so, #1 is quite reasonable. #2 is pretty funny but you are probably being sincere? And I meant that question in a charitable way so I'm sorry if it came out sarcastic. I'd probably after getting such a message and say " Yeah..sure buddy!" Sports? :D
For me, my "thanks but no thanks" would be that they are not free to enter into dating, courtship and marriage in the Catholic Church because they are divorced. I'd like to think that I won't write someone off just because of distance etc. I also pray about it a lot. I think if they are "no to all " yeah maybe that is also a "Thanks but no thanks". The thing is, until I really give myself a chance to know this person more by "digging deeper", I'm willing to give it a shot. There is something to be said about responses. I think it's great that you do respond, Christpher, because it has unfortunately been the "norm" to not respond. It goes against charity. If someone took the time to look at your profile and emote your or message you, just by the fact that they are a person created in the image and likeness of God, just respond the "Thanks but no thanks" of " Thanks, yes let me know more about you" etc. Online and offline, it's just a courteous thing to do. But again, it happens but just because people do it doesn't mean I have to either.

Wow, Reena. Great message! I sincerely wish women here would at least tell us guys they're not interested when we write (so that we can have a sense of closure...and also remove them from search results.) It truly is discourteous to not reply when a fellow (or lady) reaches out to a person here.


Michael
Jun 30th 2013 new
Interesting topic to be honest if I know what to say I'll say Thanks but I don't think we match up that well I wish you luck in you searching. Or I just ignore the message.
Jul 1st 2013 new
(quote) Angela-374523 said:

This may not be a popular answer, but I would offer it as a reality check. We need to check our expectations at the door because that is also courteous. Someone is not obligated by their belief in God and their adherence to Catholic teachings to reply to your emote. It is not in the Catechism. You having a lot of hopes and wishes does not obligate others to make every one of your wishes their command. You are not owed a detailed explanation from a stranger as to why they are not courting and marrying YOU.

The problem is that sometimes people do not get the message even though they have received your reply. What do I mean by this? They have physically received the Thank you for your message. Good luck in your search., but they use that reply as an opportunity to reply again with a long list of how wonderful they are, or to insult you with a long list of how youre not that great anyway. It happens.

So sometimes people ignore emotes when they are not interested. I dont blame them, they may have already received a heap of undeserved abuse from a stranger. Acting charitably is a two-way street.


Do you think the person who was contacted is not obligated to reply, or do you think they are not obligated to send?While CM is not mentioned in the Catechism or the Bible, I think the person who was contacted should reply with a message. Though, I do not believe you are obligated to respond past the first contact or respond to harassment in a manner other than flagging the person.
Jul 6th 2013 new
I am going to add that (for men) if a woman responds with a negative, I think you should respond by thanking her for responding. I suspect (read know, I have written one) that writing a thanks but no thanks letter is difficult and the fear of an aggressive response is makes it more so. Letting her know you appreciate the response could make it easier, even though it saddens you.
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