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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Out of Practice in Tampa

May 21st 2013 new
So, with my new annulment in hand...I'm ready to boldly strike out on my first dating experiences in this new life. (A poor choice of words, had I not intended a bit of levity...)

Dinner dates have historically been a toughie for me. I like to think that I'm older/wiser now and also more in tune with local/national events, so will have plenty of fodder for discussion, but would love to know what women expect (and how other guys handle) Extended Periods of Sitting at a Table With Someone You Don't Know. My hunch is to keep the focus on HER...but sometimes dates can give so little to go on.

Is it expected that one should take a lady out for a meal for the first date? This seems so awkward to me, and I'd ordinarily never EVER consider a dinner date for a first meeting. Pursuing some sort of activity (a church function or hiking with a group, for example) followed by coffee would be so much more pleasant than being chained to a table where the focus is one each other and constant engagement is necessary to prevent awkward lapses in conversation. Activity dates seem more reasonable to me, as the focus can be briefly shifted to other things to fill such lulls.

What do ladies expect for first dates, and what do other guys find works best for getting that second date?


Michael
May 21st 2013 new
First dates definitely don't have to be dinners! I don't think I've ever been on a first date that was just dinner actually! I prefer activities for the reasons you mentioned, plus I'm just an activities type person. I think it also depends on if you met the person here on CM or if you met them face to face first because if you already met face to face, you might know less about each other than if you've been exchanging messages for a few weeks or months.
May 21st 2013 new
No, dinner is not required for a first date. I think there was a post (or was it a blog?) here awhile back about 12 great hour long dates. Hopefully someone can find it and post it. Also Carnival/ Town Festival season is starting. Gives you plenty of activities and talking cues.

What works best for getting a second date? Asking her! laughing Well, if she had a good time, she'll want to meet you again. If not she won't. If you did have a good time I'm suggesting (though I'd like to get the feedback of the ladies on this) of ending the first date with a kiss on her hand. I did this on the second date of the woman I am currently dating and she loved it. (I simply forgot at the end of our first.)
May 21st 2013 new
(quote) Michael-780154 said: So, with my new annulment in hand...I'm ready to boldly strike out on my first dating experiences in this new life. (A poor choice of words, had I not intended a bit of levity...)

Dinner dates have historically been a toughie for me. I like to think that I'm older/wiser now and also more in tune with local/national events, so will have plenty of fodder for discussion, but would love to know what women expect (and how other guys handle) Extended Periods of Sitting at a Table With Someone You Don't Know. My hunch is to keep the focus on HER...but sometimes dates can give so little to go on.

Is it expected that one should take a lady out for a meal for the first date? This seems so awkward to me, and I'd ordinarily never EVER consider a dinner date for a first meeting. Pursuing some sort of activity (a church function or hiking with a group, for example) followed by coffee would be so much more pleasant than being chained to a table where the focus is one each other and constant engagement is necessary to prevent awkward lapses in conversation. Activity dates seem more reasonable to me, as the focus can be briefly shifted to other things to fill such lulls.

What do ladies expect for first dates, and what do other guys find works best for getting that second date?


Michael
Michael -- You don't have to agonize over this. Even though you might feel like an awkward teenager again (I think almost all of us who were previously married have), you have experience from which to draw upon.

If you are communicating with a lady, you will be gathering information about her likes and dislikes. Be in tune with what she is telling you, and when it comes time for that first date, you will have narrowed down the choices.

A first date can be anything -- a lunch, coffee, latte, tea; or something that she enjoys doing (and hopefully you do, too). Examples are visits to a museum, art shows, Church or local organization/city festivals, a movie, band concerts, dancing.....the possibilities are endless. Her own profile should be helpful in this area along with what you learn during conversations.

BUT -- it's all about making sure this special lady coming into your life feels safe and comfortable, so it's best to be in a public place, and not out until the wee hours of the morning.

Focus upon your date, and most of your fears and anxiety will vanish. Relax and be yourself.

Conversation? Ask open ended questions that will elicit more than a "Yes" or "No" response. She might do the same with you to learn more about you. Conversation -- yes; interrogation -- NO. You might re-examine her profile shortly before your date so you can have some questions in mind. They should flow as naturally as possible and not seem as if you have been rehearsing or have a scripted interview in mind.

She is honoring you by her presence. With that in mind, you can be focusing on what's important.

May 21st 2013 new
mischievous Most of life is not as hard as it looks!

First, you find a lady who interests you.
Trade a few emails, phone calls, whatever.
Get to know each other. Learn what kinds of things interest her.
Suggest a date.
Offer three or four choices and ASK HER to choose.
Just make sure the choices are all things you can handle sitting through yourself.

Good luck!
May 21st 2013 new
(quote) Matt-61677 said: No, dinner is not required for a first date. I think there was a post (or was it a blog?) here awhile back about 12 great hour long dates. Hopefully someone can find it and post it. Also Carnival/ Town Festival season is starting. Gives you plenty of activities and talking cues.

What works best for getting a second date? Asking her! Well, if she had a good time, she'll want to meet you again. If not she won't. If you did have a good time I'm suggesting (though I'd like to get the feedback of the ladies on this) of ending the first date with a kiss on her hand. I did this on the second date of the woman I am currently dating and she loved it. (I simply forgot at the end of our first.)
If a guy kissed my hand after a date...I'd probably swoon!
May 21st 2013 new
(quote) Stephanie-811058 said: If a guy kissed my hand after a date...I'd probably swoon!
I would love it if a man would kiss my hand after a date kinda old fashioned
May 21st 2013 new
(quote) Michael-780154 said: So, with my new annulment in hand...I'm ready to boldly strike out on my first dating experiences in this new life. (A poor choice of words, had I not intended a bit of levity...)

Dinner dates have historically been a toughie for me. I like to think that I'm older/wiser now and also more in tune with local/national events, so will have plenty of fodder for discussion, but would love to know what women expect (and how other guys handle) Extended Periods of Sitting at a Table With Someone You Don't Know. My hunch is to keep the focus on HER...but sometimes dates can give so little to go on.

Is it expected that one should take a lady out for a meal for the first date? This seems so awkward to me, and I'd ordinarily never EVER consider a dinner date for a first meeting. Pursuing some sort of activity (a church function or hiking with a group, for example) followed by coffee would be so much more pleasant than being chained to a table where the focus is one each other and constant engagement is necessary to prevent awkward lapses in conversation. Activity dates seem more reasonable to me, as the focus can be briefly shifted to other things to fill such lulls.

What do ladies expect for first dates, and what do other guys find works best for getting that second date?


Michael
wave Bro: You Just Answered your own question; About a first date; Yeah (keep) on goin on the Hikes, Or a church event; followed by coffee or whatever; (try it) if ya haven't done it already; First dates ya don't have to have Big Meal; Like some coffee & dessert or something like that; When your with your date (try) and chill bro; Have FUN with the date Wish ya Luck bro. Mike "Peace"!! Ps: I don't know about you; But for some reason; Out where i live the Ladies (durinthe summer) come out from the "woodwork" (hidding) If that's the case shoot bro you should have no problem settin up a first date; Hike or Bike bro. (either way).
Jun 4th 2013 new
Thank you, Mike. Have a second one with this young lady coming up this weekend.

She is a pretty and quiet non-Catholic (Baptist). Just having fun and getting to know each other at this point. Lunch and a nice walk together...before I go to work Saturday afternoon.


Blessings,

Michael
Jun 4th 2013 new
(quote) Michael-780154 said: Thank you, Mike. Have a second one with this young lady coming up this weekend.

She is a pretty and quiet non-Catholic (Baptist). Just having fun and getting to know each other at this point. Lunch and a nice walk together...before I go to work Saturday afternoon.


Blessings,

Michael
"This young lady" = someone I met after the initial message I posted here, who I referenced in a separate message. I feel fortunate to have survived the first meeting and received a "yes" for the second. :-)
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