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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

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13 year old boy out of control

May 27th 2013 new
I have a 13 year old son with Asperger's syndrome (a milder form of autism) that has always been extremely difficult to handle--incredible stamina for hanging on and refusing to do what you say for HOURS even when small, such as you put him to bed, he got up, you put him back to bed, he got up again, and this would go on for 4 to 5 hours.

Now, we have tried everything with him--therapists, neurologists, psychiatrists galore, school interventionists, calling the police, looking for in patient hospitaization to get his meds stable (which he often refuses to take) only to find out that since he only has CHIPs insurance, no one will take him as an inpatient unless he is actively homicidal or suicidal..

Now, my husband is deceased. My son is four inches taller and outweighs me. I cannot get him to take his meds or do anything. I have two older boys, now grown, and never had this much trouble with either one. This is a 24-7-365 fight over everything, and I have lost all control.. Trying to regain control over a 13 year old very strong and almost always very angry is turning into an impossible task. Taking away priviliges doesn't work--he has few as it is, as we are poor, and he doesn't seem to care of he loses them. Nothing motivates him except seeing me cry.

Please help!

Kerry

May 28th 2013 new
(quote) Kerry-970208 said: I have a 13 year old son with Asperger's syndrome (a milder form of autism) that has always been extremely difficult to handle--incredible stamina for hanging on and refusing to do what you say for HOURS even when small, such as you put him to bed, he got up, you put him back to bed, he got up again, and this would go on for 4 to 5 hours.

Now, we have tried everything with him--therapists, neurologists, psychiatrists galore, school interventionists, calling the police, looking for in patient hospitaization to get his meds stable (which he often refuses to take) only to find out that since he only has CHIPs insurance, no one will take him as an inpatient unless he is actively homicidal or suicidal..

Now, my husband is deceased. My son is four inches taller and outweighs me. I cannot get him to take his meds or do anything. I have two older boys, now grown, and never had this much trouble with either one. This is a 24-7-365 fight over everything, and I have lost all control.. Trying to regain control over a 13 year old very strong and almost always very angry is turning into an impossible task. Taking away priviliges doesn't work--he has few as it is, as we are poor, and he doesn't seem to care of he loses them. Nothing motivates him except seeing me cry.

Please help!

Kerry

Kerry,
I am a Special Ed. teacher of autistic spectrum 5th and 6th graders. You need to go online and get involved with parents of children on the spectrum, as well as find a local support organization. Good luck to you.
May 28th 2013 new
(quote) Kerry-970208 said: I have a 13 year old son with Asperger's syndrome (a milder form of autism) that has always been extremely difficult to handle--incredible stamina for hanging on and refusing to do what you say for HOURS even when small, such as you put him to bed, he got up, you put him back to bed, he got up again, and this would go on for 4 to 5 hours.

Now, we have tried everything with him--therapists, neurologists, psychiatrists galore, school interventionists, calling the police, looking for in patient hospitaization to get his meds stable (which he often refuses to take) only to find out that since he only has CHIPs insurance, no one will take him as an inpatient unless he is actively homicidal or suicidal..

Now, my husband is deceased. My son is four inches taller and outweighs me. I cannot get him to take his meds or do anything. I have two older boys, now grown, and never had this much trouble with either one. This is a 24-7-365 fight over everything, and I have lost all control.. Trying to regain control over a 13 year old very strong and almost always very angry is turning into an impossible task. Taking away priviliges doesn't work--he has few as it is, as we are poor, and he doesn't seem to care of he loses them. Nothing motivates him except seeing me cry.

Please help!

Kerry

Kerry -- some states have provisions for situations such as this. In Wisconsin, there are group homes staffed by professional counselors, plus some "day care" programs. They are government supported, so your financial situation won't become worse. Obviously, if you could afford to pay, it would be expected. They work with the youngsters as best they can -- trying to help them toward independence.

Sometimes meds are counterproductive and make the symptoms worse. It's different in each case, of course, but there isn't anything that will work for everybody. Sometimes it's necessary to try out different meds to see what works and what doesn't.

You might try your local health department for information about such programs or to see what else might exist in your area. You're apparently feeling intimidated because of his physical size compared to yours. No doubt he's picked up on that.
May 28th 2013 new
It seems that the only "program" in the area that take kids with no insurance (he has CHIPs) is the state hospital, which I have heard is a house of horrors, and even then they won't take him until he is homicidal or suicidal. Many states DO have programs like you speak of, I know, but Texas is either last or second to last in the nation in funding for mental health, so that won't work.

Thanks for the advice about talking with other parents--do you know of any good online forums for parents of kids with asperger's?
May 28th 2013 new
(quote) Kerry-970208 said: It seems that the only "program" in the area that take kids with no insurance (he has CHIPs) is the state hospital, which I have heard is a house of horrors, and even then they won't take him until he is homicidal or suicidal. Many states DO have programs like you speak of, I know, but Texas is either last or second to last in the nation in funding for mental health, so that won't work.

Thanks for the advice about talking with other parents--do you know of any good online forums for parents of kids with asperger's?
Kerry -- Here are some of the online groups that offer support and/or information for parents:
cafemom.com

psychforums.com

aane.org

facebook -- Asperger's Support Group

Not sure how helpful these will be, but if they aren't, they will probably lead you to other sites.

Is there a pattern to his meltdowns? Time of day? Eating certain things? Lack of sleep? (Or too much sleep?) Things you tell him? If there's a pattern, you can avoid those triggers. Seems you would have done this by now, but just in case......
May 28th 2013 new
(quote) Kerry-970208 said: It seems that the only "program" in the area that take kids with no insurance (he has CHIPs) is the state hospital, which I have heard is a house of horrors, and even then they won't take him until he is homicidal or suicidal. Many states DO have programs like you speak of, I know, but Texas is either last or second to last in the nation in funding for mental health, so that won't work.

Thanks for the advice about talking with other parents--do you know of any good online forums for parents of kids with asperger's?
Autismspeaks has a very active forum. They also have a FB page.
May 28th 2013 new
Kerry...you are not alone....I'm unfamiliar w how Texas state govt is set up but they should collect federal Medicaid dollars....and depending on the severity of your sons condition he may be eligible for support through the state....google Texas department of developmental disabilities (I think they might be multi service agency)....also there are non profits , legal advocacy groups and parent groups...arc is an example......hope this helps...if I come across anything else I'll post it or message you.
May 28th 2013 new
John, our Governor has refused the new medicaid dollars to expand medicaid in our state. In our state, to qualify for medicaid, you must make less than $800 a month for a family of four. And medicaid would not be any better than CHIPS as far as finding him a place to go.

He does melt down usually late at night, after he has refused to take his medication until very late.

Thank you for the website suggestions--I will try those.
May 29th 2013 new
Kerry...sorry I should have been a bit more specific....the new Medicaid expansion and what I was referencing are different....Medicaid funds things like waivers and icfs across the country...an element of it was set up to help vulnerable segments of our population...such as those with I'd/dd.

Aug 10th 2013 new
my 23 yar old has autism and I started out with a group from wisconsin
called weap in 2000 and paid for them to come here to canada to help us......
now we have local help here.....hopefully things have improved for you by
now and you have connected with some assistance...sending prayers for you and yours
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