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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

May 28 new
(quote) Tricia-321356 said: I think of scripture, Corintians I think, about love being patient, kind, not jealous...........also other readings about how if someone loves you, they do not delight in wrongdoing. The story of Hosea talks of unconditional love. The opposite of love is NOT hate, but USE. I've also learned that love is a "choice" not a 'feeling'. Christ demonstrates this on the cross...........real love is sacrifical in nature and each is nourished through serving the other. It is shown through actions that serve the best interest of the beloved. ..both ways. I have shown a great DVD by Pam Stenzel to my kids and my 8th Grade CCD classes years ago called 'Sex Has a Pricetag'. She said something in that video that I thought was profound ( and my own parents used to tell me): "Want to know if a guy loves you? Throw a boundry down, this far and no farther......and watch for respect ' So to sum up, love is a choice to cherish and serve the best interest of the beloved, and him to serve you in return. It shows itself with respect to meeting the needs of the beloved. We do this so easily for our kids. But we demonstrate it with-in our relationships with others: marriage, family, friends, co-workers, strangers.
Very good Tricia. I believe it was JPII who reminded us of the opposite of love not being hate, but "use". I also like your reminder that "love is not a feeling, but a choice". This homily is given to the teens at our parish many times. I would also like to add what St. Thomas Aquinas says about love, "love is to will the good of another". SO, we know what love is, what it is not, and what it looks like. However, what people forget is that because of Satan's power over man and man's imperfections, man's love for one another can end, which is the REAL tragedy.
May 30 new
Since their dad walked way from the Catholic faith, I hope to instill how extremely important it is to have a strong faith together. We never prayed together as a couple, I want them to know how important this is, that they should be comfortable doing this & it is vital!! I hope to teach them also that marriage isn't all about being "in love", it is a commitment & requires work in order to grow together.

I pray daily that they will come to understand what a husband/wife is suppose to be to each other, & that they know what a father should be. I know their little hearts hurt & I just don't want any of them to settle for less then what God wants for them!
May 30 new
(quote) Laura-824866 said: Since their dad walked way from the Catholic faith, I hope to instill how extremely important it is to have a strong faith together. We never prayed together as a couple, I want them to know how important this is, that they should be comfortable doing this & it is vital!! I hope to teach them also that marriage isn't all about being "in love", it is a commitment & requires work in order to grow together.

I pray daily that they will come to understand what a husband/wife is suppose to be to each other, & that they know what a father should be. I know their little hearts hurt & I just don't want any of them to settle for less then what God wants for them!
Laura, I don't think that teaching kids having the same faith is the main requisite for a healthy marriage. My former spouse and I prayed together both before marriage and during marriage. We met at a bible study and studied scripture together. In fact I just texted him a prayer on Monday and he did as well. If this was true, then there would be no divorce amongst Christians.

The truth is Satan can destroy a marriage when one of the partners steps outside the "box", even for a brief moment, despite living a "prayerful" life.
May 30 new
(quote) Mary-943298 said:
What do you tell your kids about how to approach dating, love and the decision to marry?
As a divorced parent (now annulled), one first has to overcome the stigma, that because one's attempt at marriage failed, does not mean that you loose the right to instruct. We should just loose the right to instruct badly.

Second, the children have to understand that even if you had / continue to have faults, it does not mean that we should be summarily dismissed. We all are capable of continued growth, no matter what age or our particular past.

So, regardless of our approach with children, we should always be cognizant that what it needs to have all four means: verbal, written, exemplary and practical, from here on forward. This varied use of means must be accompanied in solid content when transmitting knowledge, good example and consistent practice - all properly formed.

Some key points:

Kids observe how we are, as we all know, but it's worth repeating to ourselves. They are deeply affected by what we tell them.

Do not talk to them about how bad their father is/was; good, bad or indifferent. They will love him just as much as they will love you. Perhaps they may not, but what does it profit them to be painted in that light by us in front of them? It's not about what we think about ourselves, but rather that they think their best, happiest. They really will want to love him and accept him especially when they come into their own. This can only be a good thing. We should all encourage it, instead of hindering it.

I feed mine with basics to the level they can handle: bible, cathechism, code of cannon law, books, chastity, theology of the body, books on marriage, courtship, meaning of true love, hope, charity, etc...

It is also vital to have group discussions (perhaps at the dinner table) and especially one-on-one time with each of them. Each has different needs at different times, and not all are the same with any one of them.

It all has to be as consistent as possible, and it has to be repeated often so those habits are instilled and can be built upon... transmission of properly formed knowledge, backed up with good example and practiced, practiced, practiced!

It is not a good idea to ever introduce your new SO to the kids before you are definitely "steady", very serious and know that the guy will not exhibit anything that would contradict what you have been telling them when they meet. If a man would do that, then the time is not right. Never introduce your kids to a stream of what may seem like a revolving door of men, coming and going! That is how we loose all credibility with them.

Ok, there's my two cents worth...



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