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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Jun 02 new
Hello: all. I am a little puzzled about the question. The reason I say that is. Time?. We are not guaranteed our next breath. How can anyone suggest waiting Months, Years etc. God knows we all need a help mate, whether it is a Friend, Soul Mate or Husband/Wife. We are in the world, for the world but not of the world. Per. Fr. Wade Menezes. I say this next comment with no malice or negative intent to anyone. If you really have found Jesus (the lord and savior)
Doing the will of the Father should be love enough. I have looked at several profiles before starting this Reply. If you really want to find a match with GODS HELP. Start with the Temperament Test and Submit a selection of interview questions that puts GODS views FIRST. The Holy Spirit will lead you in the direction you need to go. Just adding a person to the favorite list, for Future Prayer Support would be an act of Kindness In my view. People can and probably have doctored photos and put on here, but are we not all Sinners. We all lack something. It is just how much work we are willing to put into the next relationship without getting hurt. God did not promise it would be easy, he promised he would be there to carry us through it. One last thing, our goal is to get to heaven. if we get lucky to save one Soul the bible says all the Angels will rejoice. MIKE


Jun 02 new
(quote) Joan-529855 said:  From my experience, men seem to  recover much sooner 
Hi Joan. I think when someone gets remarried too soon after their first marriage ends, it is more often than not, a disaster waiting to happen. According to this article www.psychologytoday.com :

Past statistics have shown that in the U.S. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. What are the reasons for this progressive increase in divorce rates? Theories abound. One common explanation is that a significant number of people enter a second or marriage 'on the rebound' of a first or second divorce. Often the people concerned are vulnerable; they do not allow sufficient time to recover from their divorce or to get their priorities straight before taking their vows again. They enter their next marriage for the wrong reasons, not having internalized the lessons of their past experience. They are liable to repeat their mistakes, making them susceptible to similar conflicts and another broken marriage follows.

So for those who jump quickly into a relationship early after a divorce, the statistics aren't in their favor for having a successful second marriage.
Jun 02 new
Yes..certainly! One should wait until one has an annulment to one's marriage, before one "dates." Yes, to meet for friendship before the annulment comes through..if it does come through..is fine, but to meet/date with the thought of romance...is verboten. Until an annulment is granted, one is still married. Dating, when one is married, is wrong in the eyes of God. No, I am not playing the role of gatekeeper...I am simply stating the teaching of Holy Mother Church.
Jun 02 new
I attended an 8 week class called Divorce Care. The best thing I did after my divorce. That was the beginning of my heart break recovery, going throughout a painful path, and at the end light at the end of the tunnel.
I heard that the ratio for a divorce recovery was 4:1 ... for each 4 years of marriage, 1 year of recovery process.
Say you were married 8 years, you would expect to be fully emotionally recovered after 2 years of divorce.
Of course depends on each person, but that ratio was like to put some number down.
To me someone that is ready to date again, is someone that is not fighting with his/her ex anymore. Mistakes had been understood, forgiven is in place, lessons were learned, and the ex can be seen possibly as a friend, or like an extended relative.
In my case, my ex-new girlfriend's name has the same first name, just different spelling ... and it doesn't bother me. She is nice with my kids, and she watches my kids's games, and it doesn't bother me either. So, I know I can date again. wave
Jun 02 new
I attended an 8 week class called Divorce Care. The best thing I did after my divorce. That was the beginning of my heart break recovery, going throughout a painful path, and at the end light at the end of the tunnel.
I heard that the ratio for a divorce recovery was 4:1 ... for each 4 years of marriage, 1 year of recovery process.
Say you were married 8 years, you would expect to be fully emotionally recovered after 2 years of divorce.
Of course depends on each person, but that ratio was like to put some number down.
To me someone that is ready to date again, is someone that is not fighting with his/her ex anymore. Mistakes had been understood, forgiven is in place, lessons were learned, and the ex can be seen possibly as a friend, or like an extended relative.
In my case, my ex-new girlfriend's name has the same first name, just different spelling ... and it doesn't bother me. She is nice with my kids, and she watches my kids's games, and it doesn't bother me either. So, I know I can date again. wave
Jun 02 new
(quote) Carol-737878 said: Jim, I've lived on my own for 15 years & I understand what you are saying.
After such a long time, we've developed such a sense of independence, gotten a taste of "freedom" if you will. If the opportunity arises to re-marry, how will we adjust?

In my opinion, if the right person came along & we were willing to take a chance that this time around the marriage would be better, we've thought how we might handle a relationship differently (especially if the former one was problematic) it would be a happy decision. Let's see what God's perfect plan is for our lives now that we've matured.
Oh Carol, I hear you.
Giving up the independence I've learned to enjoy will be an adjustment for me. I think if the right person comes along, I will be so in love with him that I will be no problem to give up my 'freedom'. biggrin
Jun 03 new
(quote) Allison-971960 said: ""But I think the process is less about time, and more about crossing certain thresholds toward recognition of issues that contributed to divorce, recognizing one's own contributions to the divorce and resolving them for a future spouse,""

^truth. Especially the last part. I'm not going to set any time frames, but you owe it to a potential partner to have "your side of the street clean"
Yes, Allison, I agree that recognizing your part in the relationship break up is important in your ability to move forward. If you continue to live in a state of denial, insisting that you don't know why your spouse left, how can you make any changes in your behavior/reactions? At the very least, you are guilty of not paying attention to the verbal or emotional clues your spouse gave you.

One person stated that he didn't know why his spouse left. "Surely she must have said something before she walked out the door," I insisted. "Well, she told me she felt ......, but I thought she was joking!" he replied. faint wide eyed eyebrow rolling eyes eyepopping

Re: comments about the time frame-- those of us who were married over 20 years (and there are more of those long-term marriages ending all the time!) we would never be ready to date again following that one formula! As I stated earlier, your readiness to begin dating as a single-again person depends on how much time you spent going through the healing process. Perhaps discussing this decision with a trusted counselor or spiritual adviser would be prudent. But I'm a person who analyzes everything!

Jun 03 new
I will make sure you are seen with a pretty WOMAN, not a girl, the second Tuesday of next week! That's a promise!
Jun 03 new
(quote) Christine-960631 said: I will make sure you are seen with a pretty WOMAN, not a girl, the second Tuesday of next week! That's a promise!
I was referring to Jim's post many pages back...I forgot to link
Jun 03 new
(quote) Timothy-240636 said: Yes..certainly! One should wait until one has an annulment to one's marriage, before one "dates." Yes, to meet for friendship before the annulment comes through..if it does come through..is fine, but to meet/date with the thought of romance...is verboten. Until an annulment is granted, one is still married. Dating, when one is married, is wrong in the eyes of God. No, I am not playing the role of gatekeeper...I am simply stating the teaching of Holy Mother Church.
Thank you, Timothy, for pointing out this teaching that so many seem to ignore. There is so much Catechesis that needs to be done in the church in this area. Praying Praying Praying
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