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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
Learn More:Abraham & Sarah

Chastity over 50

May 28 new
Since I haven't had much (actually any) luck on CM, I thought I'd branch out to other dating sites. Against the advice of a friend, I add the following to my profile:

I am a devout Catholic and believe in celibacy until marriage. I'm not a prude or frigid. I love cuddling, kissing, hugs, and holding hands. I just think that the physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy of love-making should be reserved until after the I do's have been said.

I get a lot of views but the only men who contact me are ones with obviously fake profiles. You can tell they are fake because they say they have a master's degree yet can't spell, punctuate or use proper grammar. They all read the same as well.

Sometimes someone will contact me without having actually viewed my profile. When I ask if they have read it, they stop communicating. My guess is that they get to that part and decide they are no longer interested.

So - should I leave that paragraph out of a profile and hope that I might meet someone who will like me enough to agree to honor my values if/when the issue comes up? I don't want to lead anyone on or appear that I'm playing games. I also want to avoid the argument that I've had with others. You know the one. "You've been married and have kids so you obviously aren't a virgin. So why wait for marriage? How can you wait since you've obviously already had sex?"

Thought and opinions as well as sharing your experiences regarding this are all welcome.

May 28 new
Well...frankly, it seems like putting the cart before the horse. I'd like to get some browses or emotes or something before I worried about anything else.
On secular sites, though, I guess if you've had bad experiences you'd want to do this.
May 28 new
I believe you should state upfront how you feel, but that is my opinion.
Why get to know someone and then have to reveal that?
the answer to why wait now if you were married before and had relaions , the answer would be that was then in the marriage bed, therefore , you have to wait now until the next marriage. ;-)
May 28 new
I believe in being up-front. The man of your dreams will not be put off by that paragraph. Those who are discouraged probably wouldn't interest you anyway. Finally, I don't see any asterisks in the Ten Commandments, the Catechism, or any magisterial teaching that exempts older people from chastity.
May 31 new
I think that when a person has had an experience that they didn't like or that hurt them, they might put that in the forefront. How many people state in their descriptions something like, "I want someone honest, someone loyal, someone who bathes...." For many of us, honesty, fidelity, and cleanliness are givens. We just assume it's a characteristic or virtue that would be a part of a person. When we're slapped in the face with reality, when someone we meet does not have that quality, what we took for granted then has to be actually put into words for next time, so as to try to weed down the field. Keeping one's pants zipped till the wedding night no longer is the standard, even for many Catholics. When a chaste person has their chastity challenged, that chastity then seems to take the forefront in the pursuit of the next relationship.

May 31 new
Hi Cynthia,

I don't think I would add that to my profile, unless you want to ward off men who are just interested in a hook up. When I come across that, where some guy immediately jumps into the "hey baby, let's hook up" sort of thing, I just tell him that is inappropriate and refuse to engage. Some have just disappeared and some come back, apologize and then we carry on some nice conversations. As my son informed me, "Mom, most of these dating sites are really hook-up sites, people just looking to hook up." And, I think he's probably right. I signed up on a whim for another site, before i found CM and have had more propositions than I ever did as a cute little eighteen year old. Completely floors me, even worse are the seriously cheesy pick-up lines. I just handle them as above and they weed out pretty readily. I've quit even looking at that site and have set up for it to not renew when it expires. YEAH. :-). It isn't that I am a prude or frigid either, I just want a relationship that entails the entirety of my being and person, not just some shallow sexual encounter. I would probably take that out of your profile and weed them out as they come. Some guy might start off that way and when you lay it out, they may come back and be apologetic and respectful. If they don't then they weren't interested in anything deeper to begin with.
Jun 04 new
Hi Cynthia,

You cannot be wrong in what you believe is proper (it is after all a Church teaching), but I'm afraid I must agree with Lauren. Yes, you may meet men only interested in hook-ups. But you may also meet men who, after a 1st positive encounter, may feel as you do. My opinion - and I've shared this on other posts, if you wish to look them up - is that the profile is no more than a selling tool (I know, sounds terrible). Think of it as a resume for a job. Most people, and perhaps you, list mostly the positive aspects most likely to get a job offer. The resume is no place to list any buts, or ifs, or no ways. Those issues, in my opinion, come at the second interview - the first date, or perhaps the second, if you will.

Good luck. God bless.
Jun 04 new
I have been challenged often to take the path of Truth. I have lost many communications with dating site members when I make it politely clear that I have no desire for a "quick hookup." When asked about my last 'time', I usually say something like...."Well my son is 34 so....."If I had known my last time was going to be the last time, I'd have made sure it was a time to remember!" Therefore, I am going to make sure this next 'first time' is going to be a time I'll never be able to forget!" I have yet to meet anyone who expressed a desire to wait. How sad!
Jun 05 new
(quote) Doug-974859 said: The resume is no place to list any buts, or ifs, or no ways. Those issues, in my opinion, come at the second interview - the first date, or perhaps the second, if you will.
Well said!!!!

I find any blanket statements in the profile as to what a man demands, expects, or will tolerate are an immediate "turn off".
Jun 05 new
Cynthia, I agree that the open frank statement will put off many men, but I also think that these men would be those that you would not be interested in - so it is a good way to weed them off. It could intrigue a genuine man and I think that is important.

God bless you. And may you find that special person. hug

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