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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

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Becoming Frustrated

Jun 7th 2013 new
I have a question that I'll just throw out there, as I'm becoming discouraged about the possibility of finding anyone on CM. (Have been a member for awhile...though have only been seeking for a couple months or so.)

I am not receiving responses to nearly all--95%--of the messages I send to women here. Is there something in my profile that sends the wrong message to women? Are divorced Catholic men who have children so "off limits" that we're at the bottom of the pool when it comes to desirability? Maybe men in our forties are invisible to women now. While I'd never rush into a relationship and likely have years of an active life left to enjoy, I'm not getting any younger and want to enjoy married life as a relatively young guy.

It does not make sense, in my mind, that a good looking, and decent Catholic man with a stable job would have so much difficulty finding someone online. Just trying to understand why.

Appreciate any thoughts... Maybe they will be helpful to the multitudes of other men here who have recently stated they're not receiving responses to initial contacts they make, either.


Thank you,

Michael
Jun 7th 2013 new
Hi Michael, this is not peculier to the men on here. I would not say that I'm frustrated, but I am disappointed that nothing good has come out of my one and a half year membership on this site. I have met 3 people in person since being here and corresponded extensively with 2 more but no 'luck' yet. However, I continue to be hopeful, believing that I will find friendship and love with a practising Catholic if it is God's will. Keep keeping on, and let's pray more. Happy feast of the Sacred Heart to you and all CM members. Cheers!
Jun 7th 2013 new
Dear Michael

Some of what you have said in your profile seems inflexible and contradictory in the areas of your ideal match and introduction....there isn't a lot about who 'you' are just what 'you' do and want in a partner and what 'you' want her to do with you if you were together. A woman who is peaceful and feminine may not be athletically inclined but enjoy other forms of physical activity. There is assumption that you will have children as well, and a woman that has a career yet appreciates traditional gender roles. You can't have it both ways, it's either one or the other for a mother. You want her to compliment who you are, so is there any room for compromise, patience or acceptance of differences.

I know it's difficult to write from the heart and to find the words that reflect who we are. I just found your profile confusing and it comes across as though you are not open to anything but what you want. Some of the photos don't look authentic as well, they look like they are cut/paste background. You have a really nice smile, so post more of those.

Gina
Jun 7th 2013 new
Gina,

Appreciate all your comments... they are exactly what I was looking for. Your thoughts are helpful as I consider how to better say in text what my heart wants to say. The pictures are all genuine... no fancy cutting/pasting or Photoshop. :-)

Obianuju, prayers for you. I cannot say that my experience here has been bad...just that I am not sure whether it will lead to what I had hoped for. I think it is important to be active on the site and enjoy all the things it has to offer. As a relatively recent convert, I am growing in the faith through observing Catholics here. I have corresponded with many WONDERFUL people via personal message and in the forums, and am learning more about myself and others through involvement with this site. I am heartened to see you intend to keep looking...and offer encouragement to you to do so.


Blessings,

Michael
Jun 7th 2013 new
Michael and everyone else who is frustrated -- I've only been on here since Christmas and my membership is up on the 20th and I won't renew, at least until my annulment has been decided -- but everyone says we can't be in a hurry. We all want love but many times 1. we aren't as ready as we think we are 2. our 'match' isn't ready yet 3. God is working on it but the correct two people haven't met yet. Be patient. Pray. Don't worry about FINDING the right one, but concentrate on BECOMING the right person for your future spouse.
Jun 7th 2013 new
(quote) Rachel-731570 said: Michael and everyone else who is frustrated -- I've only been on here since Christmas and my membership is up on the 20th and I won't renew, at least until my annulment has been decided -- but everyone says we can't be in a hurry. We all want love but many times 1. we aren't as ready as we think we are 2. our 'match' isn't ready yet 3. God is working on it but the correct two people haven't met yet. Be patient. Pray. Don't worry about FINDING the right one, but concentrate on BECOMING the right person for your future spouse.
clap Brava, well said. Please accept my poor prayers for a promising decision on your annulment.

In Christ,
Leyden
Jun 7th 2013 new
There are reasons that you are not getting responses that have nothing to do with your profile. Maybe the women your writing too are already going back and forth with a few guys or maybe the are only interested in local men.

Across the board I think the response rate is very low on online matching sites so don't even pay attention to it. Your not worried about having a high response rate what you want is to meet the right person.


Jun 8th 2013 new
Michael -- on your profile, you are annulled, but it also says In Process -- which is it?

Jun 8th 2013 new
Good eyes, Rachel. Fixed.


Thank you,

Michael
Jun 8th 2013 new
Hi Michael,

I can appreciate your frustration. I am wondering why I as a decent, polite, respectful woman who likes to go the bookstore, the library and Mass on Sundays cannot find someone to marry me too. On this site, while there are good matches in the beliefs and values area, geographical distance and other responsibilities may hinder opportunities. Outside of CM, the world is not that friendly to Catholic values.

It is a bizarre world that we live in. There were stories in the media up here about a transgendered individual who was getting married who was refused the opportunity to try on wedding dresses at a bridal shop by the staff due to the gender issue. There were photos of this individual with their male fiance in the stories. So, someone who has the body features of a male (including broad shoulders and a five o'clock shadow) but the habits and style preferences of a female (including hairstyle, jewelry, clothing and makeup) was getting married.
I can't even get a man to invite me for a coffee. Some days I just want to cry.
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