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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Trouble in paradise

Jun 11 new
So like many other men on this website I have been having trouble getting replies to messages. I've sent out maybe 49 messages and heard back from 3 in the past 3 months all of which haven't responded in weeks. Does anyone have any advice on how to introduce yourself and peak the ladies interest online? I'm very outgoing and easy to talk to I person but I've been struggling on how to to talk to women online. Any help is greatly appreciated!
Jun 12 new
Either they are interested or they are not interested. Even if you are a non-paying member (I would estimate at least a sizable fraction of total current members), you can send an emote back with no text signaling you have some interest. I usually point out things we have in common from our profiles and try to ask some follow up question from their profile to show I read it and to give them something to respond to. Despite that tactic, I get less than a 10% response (it may be around 5%) so your 3 out of 49 does not seem all that out of the ordinary to me. That is just the way it is on here. Many of us would like more responses, but the way I see it, if they don't respond, then perhaps that is God's will and so I let it be and move on.
Jun 12 new
If you are interested in a woman's perspective, I can only offer two things: being less than 7/7 on the Faith questions is an instant write-off for many of us. Personally, my Faith is everything to me- that's why I am here. (I know.. I know... there has been discussion about how people interpret these questions and may have histories which skew their ability to answer as I would, but it doesn't change the fact that people like me simply see a 'No'. :) )

And you are also very confined about the LDR and relocation question... are you contacting women who would meet that criteria..? If not, they may be weeding themselves out after reading your profile. (That is NOT to say that you should lie on the subject if that's really how you feel about it, but just be aware that most people would prefer some flexibility.)

God bless and good luck!
Jun 12 new
And it's "pique" their interest, lol.
Jun 12 new
(quote) Patrick-968218 said: So like many other men on this website I have been having trouble getting replies to messages. I've sent out maybe 49 messages and heard back from 3 in the past 3 months all of which haven't responded in weeks. Does anyone have any advice on how to introduce yourself and peak the ladies interest online? I'm very outgoing and easy to talk to I person but I've been struggling on how to to talk to women online. Any help is greatly appreciated!
Hello Patrick - if I may ask - do you view their profiles and then send them messages? Because if messages are sent w/o a profile view, they will get the impression that it's their looks you're after. What does your profile say? Do you only have more than 1 photo? From what I gather, anything that states something "physical e.g nice teeth, nice hair, etc" and "employment-wise like "I'd like to meet someone who works in healthcare" under " What I'm looking for" kind of turns people off. Also 7/7 on Church teachings is a plus, mass attendance (weekly is more favorable than monthly for example).

I am so sorry to hear about the low response rate :(. If I strike up friendships with 20-something CM sisters here I will definitely introduce them to you - no joke!

I will pray for you and the woman whom God has set apart for you Praying
Jun 12 new
If I understand the pursuit of sainthood through our sexuality correctly, it is that women are not objects, but rather spiritual daughters of Jesus the King, and should be treated as such. Therefore, I wonder why more people have not carefully thought "Reducing someone to the question of 'Would I be romantically interested in them or not?', is actually also a type of objectification of a person which should be avoided".

It seems to me almost a moral obligation to respond with some sort of communication to the other person. By not responding to a message, you are making an unfounded assumption about the nature of that person, which, really, can only be discerned through conversation. Has "rejection on the grounds of a date" been further reduced to "rejection on the grounds of the contents of a profile or first message"? An adverse effect of this technology [which is supposed to help us, and enhance communication] is to make it easier to reject an outreach of friendship. I invite the careful discernment of this, because a friend once remarked to me that the serious Catholic (e.g., "7 for 7") world of dating (small as it is) is a harsh place. We rightfully recognize the high stakes of dating: we do not casually hook up, but is the opposite direction just as serious, where we won't merely avoid "hooking up" or "casually dating", but not even _making a new friend_ just because that person isn't your future husband or future wife?
Jun 12 new
I don't necessarily disagree with your point, Bradley, but a lot of women on this site have had the unfortunate experience of trying to say "thanks but no thanks" end badly for them -- men becoming abusive, or irrational, is something which is mentioned on the Women's Forum quite a bit. In other words, if they are not interested, they may feel it is "safer" to ignore the communication than to respond to it.
Jun 12 new
(quote) Patrick-968218 said: So like many other men on this website I have been having trouble getting replies to messages. I've sent out maybe 49 messages and heard back from 3 in the past 3 months all of which haven't responded in weeks. Does anyone have any advice on how to introduce yourself and peak the ladies interest online? I'm very outgoing and easy to talk to I person but I've been struggling on how to to talk to women online. Any help is greatly appreciated!
I viewed your profile and I thought it was very good. There is nothing that i can see that would be a turn off.

I can't say why women are not answerig. You are nice looking and seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Just be patient. i think we ALL join online dating sites thinking that finding someone is going to be easy and then quickly realize it is not.
Jun 12 new
(quote) Bradley-266389 said: If I understand the pursuit of sainthood through our sexuality correctly, it is that women are not objects, but rather spiritual daughters of Jesus the King, and should be treated as such. Therefore, I wonder why more people have not carefully thought "Reducing someone to the question of 'Would I be romantically interested in them or not?', is actually also a type of objectification of a person which should be avoided".

It seems to me almost a moral obligation to respond with some sort of communication to the other person. By not responding to a message, you are making an unfounded assumption about the nature of that person, which, really, can only be discerned through conversation. Has "rejection on the grounds of a date" been further reduced to "rejection on the grounds of the contents of a profile or first message"? An adverse effect of this technology [which is supposed to help us, and enhance communication] is to make it easier to reject an outreach of friendship. I invite the careful discernment of this, because a friend once remarked to me that the serious Catholic (e.g., "7 for 7") world of dating (small as it is) is a harsh place. We rightfully recognize the high stakes of dating: we do not casually hook up, but is the opposite direction just as serious, where we won't merely avoid "hooking up" or "casually dating", but not even _making a new friend_ just because that person isn't your future husband or future wife?
Bradley.. Great response. What you said is a very mature and wise for most young men your age. Thanks for your input. biggrin Praying
Jun 12 new
Patrick-

Some people are kind enough to say that they are/are not interested. Not everyone does that, unfortunately. I know it would be nice.

Tammy
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